Me plus Akatsuki?
by Jerkasaurousrex
Summary: You better believe this is another AKATSUKI CATS fanfic. Starring two insane twenty year olds and the Akatsuki. One thing's for sure, Jessie plus the Akatsuki is going to be a mess. Pairings are still undecided, because it's a fan/reader chosen decision! Have fun! Akatsukixoc. T for language.
1. Chapter 1 The naming

**I know this idea is used a lot, but I've totally loved it ever snice I read the first AKATSUKI CATS fanfic. I mean its in the the name for goodness sake! A****KAT****suki. Hello! There might be pairing later, so tell me what you think, okay!? **

**I'm making this a fan decides the pairings thing, and if anyone wants to put their own OC or themselves in my story just send me a PM! First come first serve though, because I don't want a story where there are so many characters you can't keep track of them. **

**Love you, Jerkasaurousrex! 3 less than three. **

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Falling out of the bed in the morning wasn't the best way to start my day. It really wasn't. Personally, it kind of pissed me off, not to mention the fact I had work in like fifteen minutes.

"Dammit." I growled, pouting at my Hello Kitty alarm clock. It was mocking me, the meanybutt.

I jumped up, sighing loudly to myself and heading to my master bathroom, complete with a jacuzzi tub.

I guess I should introduce myself, my name's Jessica, you can call Jessica. Because the only one who has a nickname for me is my best friend, HarlEE. It's actually spelled Harle, but it's pronounced like Har-Lee. She calls me Izaya and I call her Shizuo-chan.

Got it?

Anyway, I'm currently twenty years old, and I work as a hairdresser at a new beuaty shop just over a mile away from my home. I don't take any classes at a collage or anything, simply becuase I have my license to cut hair and that's all I've really been good at. Making people pretty, that is.

I live all by my lonesome in a giant three bedroom house my grandfather left me after passing away. It was three stories, although I barely use the basement, because it really creeps me out. The house itself is very spaciously designed, and it comes with fifteen acres of land outback. I love it.

Anyway.

One of the many reasons I'm called Izaya is that unlike my blonde best friend, I have black hair framing my face in an edgy pixie cut. My green eyes were rather large and almond shaped. My plump lips and and cheek bones were both from the Native American side of my family.

Admittedly, when I was younger, I used to run around the woods imitating Pocahontas, because I looked more like her than any other Disney princess. Way back then, I grew my hair out just to look more like her, but ended up getting sick of accidentally trying to get out of bed and ripping my hair out with my elbow.

It also made it easier to fix when I fell on my face.

"I'm late!" I yelled, rushing out of my bedroom. "And talking to myself! Why the hell am I talking to myself?"

I quickly grabbed a pudding cup, rushing back to my bathroom. Make up first, then fattening breakfast. It wasn't that I'm superficial, but with my work, if you show up looking like a zombie, you don't get many customers.

Thank god they didn't try to control my diet. I don't think they'd approve of my staple pudding cups and pasta outlook on life. Damn them.

I wasn't exactly fat. I did have... Squishier parts, like in my hips and my boobies- DD bitch's. Be jealous.- but, I did palates and all that "relaxing" crap with Harle to keep my stomach nice and flat. I was just curvier than your average supermodel.

I was also only five three, which Harle made fun if me for, being that she's five FOUR. She's way too cocky for being only an inch ahead of me. Jerk.

In my rush to get ready for work, I forgot to grab a spoon. I noticed this while in my garage, zipping up my thigh-high faux leather boots. They had a rather steep four inch heel, and made me look a lot taller than I really was. They also made me look kick-ass, so that was a plus.

It really surprises Harle that I'm not dead from wearing these boots.

Not that that's completely unjustified. I mean, when I say I'm klutzy, I don't mean like Bella Swan, "I'm so clumsy I'll trip like three times in the whole series." No.

When I say klutzy, I mean that I was running full speed in gym in seventh grade and I'm not even sure how I managed to do it, but I broke my nose running those movable badminton poles they have.

I swear it came out of no where.

One second, I was minding my own business, and the next BAM. I'm decked out on the floor wondering why the hell there was a pole laying across my middle-because the fucker had to fall on me after I hit it- and blood gushing from my nose.

When I was in heels though, my clumsiness kind of disappeared. It was magical. I also never had to practice walking in heels like most girls do, it was like I was meant to wear hooker heels or I'd end up killing myself from tripping over nothing. So, basically, my career choices narrowed down to pole dancer or hairdresser.

Trust me. Pole dancing didn't work out.

Not that I tried or anything... PSHHH. NO!

Okay, well. Maybe I did. DON'T JUDGE. But, as you can see, it clearly didn't work as I am a hairdresser right now. I got through about a week on my own before I ended up accidentally on purpose kicking someone's ass for suggesting because I was a good dancer and I made a lot of money I'd be a whore.

Eh. No. Go tell that to your broken hand and split lip, baby.

Teehee. I have a sick sense of humor.

I grabbed my aqua Chicago keychain, tucking the pudding cup into my bike jacket. Under the jacket, I had on a rather tight pair of patterned stockings that were held up with lacy black garters and a long stylish olive plunging neck dress that hugged my hips and stopped just over my knees, which is why I had on leggings. Kick-ass.

I slipped onto my bike, a solid black 1960 Harley-Davidson sportster. Yes. I do indeed have a motorcycle. I developed the obsession from my uncle, who at the moment had three bikes. Compared to my one, it really seemed a bit too much.

The first thing I heard when I wasked in though was, "Jessie! You're almost on time today! Praise the God's!" My co-worker Amanda cheered, clapping her hands in glee.

"You're almost intelligent sounding today, blondie." I teased, pulling off my jacket to set it behind the main desk.

She pouted, "Okay. Blonde jokes are banned from this establishment! So, no more."

"You did bring a flask to work that one time. So, are flirty drunk jokes okay?" I snickered, remembering her attempt at a come on to me. Alcohol also switched up her sexuality. Can you say awkward?

"NO. Stop... Living in the pasta!" She blushed.

"Pasta?"

Amanda made a growling noise, running a hand through her cornsilk hair. "Past, Jessica. I meant past."

I tilted my head to the side, picturing that. Living in the pasta. "You know, that actually sounds pretty nice. Living in the pasta. Huh. It would be annoying to shower though..."

She huffed, demanding that I just go set up my station. Puffing out my cheeks at her, I left her alone. For now.

My shift went quickly, as I only had five hair appointments today and a last minute waxing scheduled. They had to pay extra for last minute things, which I appreciated. More money made Jessie happy!

Halfway through my shift, I got a text from Harle reading and I quote, "You better go to the store and buy me some meat dammit, Izaya! That son of a chicken and I got in a fight, so I need some girl time. Got It? We'll probably add more people to the corner list too, btw."

By son of a chicken, she meant her first and long time boyfriend, Daniel. The corner lost is basically a list we started compiling of people we'd "take to the dark corner" if you will, and I know you will you sick perverts.

Needless to say, a lot of these corner listers are either British or anime characters.

I stopped at the supermarket on the home, grabbing a package of hamburger buns and a thing of plain meat for Harle. I didn't eat any meat normally for the sole reason if I did, I became violently ill. It wasn't pretty.

Harle, on the other hand, loved her meat. I had to keep a stock of beef jerky sticks at my house permanently, in exchange for her allowing me to use her truck every so often when I needed to do some bigger buying sprees then what would fit in the compartment in the back of my bike.

"You want me to start cooking the hamburgers?" I texted her, stepping out onto my large porch to flick on my gas grill. She could always warm them up of they were cold by the time she got there.

I then pulled out the meat, carefully putting in all the ingredients to make some 'yummy' burgers for her. My mom taught me the recipe a few years back. I was carful not to get any blood on myself.

My phone buzzed again just as I plopped the first on the hot grill. "Sure, sure. I'll be over in about a half hour. I gotta do some finishing up and go buy sadness-drowning ice-cream."

"Ahh. Sadness-drowning ice-cream. My old friend." I replied, settling down on my swiveling porch chair to soak up the last of the fall sunlight. It was rather warm, although the slight breeze made it seem a little colder.

Thankfully, it blew away from my porch, or I'd have smoke and meat-smell in my face. Gross. My nose wrinkled at the thought.

I sighed contentedly to myself, grinning for no reason. I just felt good about this. I felt like something fabulous was about to happen.

"Oh! Maybe Anna will come to visit." I said to no one, speaking to myself. I did that a lot, because other wise the silence would drive me insane. Anna was my cousin, the closest thing I had to a sister. I grew up with four brothers.

"Or, maybe I'll get a boyfriend or something! That would be epic!" I cheered, laughing.

My love life wasn't much to talk about. I was always too _amazing_ in high school, and it intimidated all the guys I was interested in. I did have one serious boyfriend, who surprise-surprise, I was the one to make the first move.

We ended up breaking up because of his jealousy issues, but I really did think I loved him. I was totally over him though, so I didn't mind anymore.

Not that I would be opposed to one of my dark corner listers to suddenly appear and sweep my off my heel clad feet. Well, sweep me off my feet and onto bed, that is.

I found myself laughing somewhat evilly, a malicious grin plastered across my face.

Oh, yes.

The meat started making a crackling noise, which I took as my cue to flip them over. As I opened the grill top, a huge wave of heat and meaty smelling air hit me in the face. I coughed, hiding my face in my shoulder. The fabric smelled like passion fruit.

The smell slowly dissipated, and I settled back into my chair, spinning around and looking from my house to the woods and back.

Around the fifth rotation I noticed something new in my line of sight.

I was kind of dizzy though, so maybe I was just being paranoid. I slowed down, watching the suspicious black and white blob as carefully as I could in my dizzy state. It appeared to be getting bigger.

Still itty bitty, but bigger.

I slowly came to a stop, giggling loudly.

As I came to my senses, I realized that I wasn't being paranoid when I said I saw a spot in the woods. I was being observant.

That black and white blur was now coming into focus as a small little kitty. A small kitten that was half black and half white with very pretty yellow eyes.

It was walking up my porch stairs with some difficultly, looking adorable as it tried to jump from stair to stair. I watched his slow ascent, wondering why the hell a cat was climbing my steps.

Why is he here in the first place is a better question.

"Hey, little kitty." I cooed, lowering myself to the ground.

The kitten sent me a glare, before stretching up on his back legs to look at the bowl on my grill's little table thing. It made a noise, seeming to meow to itself. This cat is crazier than me!

I looked between the kitty and the bowl. "Are you hungry, little one?"

I seriously didn't expect the small animal to actually answer me. He-hopefully it's a male, or she'd be really offended- made a peasant meowing noise, followed by a harsh hiss.

Maybe he had a split personality or something.

Hmm. "Okay. You want some meat?" I nodded slowly, reaching over to pluck the kitten off my porch. He hissed, twisting in my hand to sink his little teeth into my wrist.

"Oh, please. I have four brothers, sweetheart. You'll have to do better than that." I murmured, pinching both sides of his jaw until he released me.

"No eating Jessie! You can eat Daniel though okay? He's an ass." ...don't tell Harle I said that.

The kitten's eyes brightened after the second part of that, which I found rather disturbing. He let out another meow, one that sounded kind of like a question. I raked my eyebrows, shrugging lightly.

I set the kitten on my shoulder as I scooped a small amount of meat into the palm of my hand. I offered it to him silently, a small smile dusting my face. He quickly devoured all the meat, and looked back at me with hopeful eyes.

"Cochino." I teased lightly, picking up another serving of meat. He finished that off too, but I wouldn't allow him anymore. "You'll get sick if you eat to much, buddy." I chided, gently setting him back on the ground.

He seemed to consider this, and then made a strange noise. The small cat darted away without another word... Errr, meow.

I sighed, sitting back into my chair after flipping over the burgers again and pulled out my phone. Harle has replied, "That's why you're always complaining about your love handles. *smirks*"

"*raises eyebrows* giiiiiirl. They're called love handles for a reason! I gotta give all my corner guys something to work with, Shorty." I was getting a little sassy.

"You're a sick puppy. I'm on my way, by the way. I grabbed the all three flavors one." She replied almost instantly.

I didn't bother answering, instead deciding upon staring a game of temple run.

Two stressful minutes later, I was cussing vehemently at the stupid demon whatever the hell's. I growled, slamming my hand on the table and glaring at my phone's screen.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit! You stupid fucking son of a bitch!" I hissed, not really paying attention to a thing other than the game. I was so close to a new high score!

I did however, glance up when I heard what sounded like someone trying to hack a fur ball on my porch. Ten... Kitties. On my porch. Three of them making that strange hacking noise.

...laughing, maybe?

I'm not sure why I blushed in embarrassment, being that they're cats. "Well, day-um. Little kitty, you sure are popular, aren't you?" I whistled lowly, shaking my head.

Not only were there ten of them, they all looked funny. Not as weird as the black and white kitty, but weird.

In order, there was a blue one with little gill making things, a shiny black one with red eyes, a silver one with magenta eyes, a purple-blue one with a patch of white on her ear, an orange one with black spots all over, a brown one with little stitch like markings all over, a blonde one with one blue eye covered with fur, a deep red one with very pretty eyes, and a second darker brown one with a orange face. He was meowing loudly.

"Did a five year old color you guys or something?" I asked, squinting at them. "Seriously though. You have weird friends." I told my black and white kitty, picking him up from the floor. He tried to bite me again.

I rolled my eyes. "You bring all you little gang over and you still try to bite me. What the hell ever happened to manners?"

He mewed cutely. "Awww." I cooed, ignoring the hacking noises front he others in the group.

I cradled the cutie pie to my chest, glaring at the laughing ones. "You guys are just jealous that he gets to be cuddled. Now shut up or I'll squish you." I picked my foot up, pointing the sharp stiletto at the nearest cat, which happens to be the blondie.

They all quieted immediately, and the orange one seemed to smirk.

"So, I take it that y'all are trying to mooch off Harle's food too, huh?" I asked them calmly, rubbing the side of my face against the white side of my kitty. He made a strange purring-growling noise.

The silver one started laughing again.

I glared at him, putting my kitty back down to grab the silver one by the scruff of his neck, and snarling, "Okay, buddy. You better shut the hell off or you'll get no food and I'll make you fucking watch as the others enjoy my delicious cooking. Not only that, but I can guarantee you'll never ever make mini little whatever the hell your name is. Got it?"

He hissed, trying to claw my arm enough to get away. I put my free hand on my hip, holding the kitten away from my body.

"You're not very bright, are you?"

This sent the other kitties into a laughing fit, including the stitched looking one.

"Are you done yet? Harle's gonna be here any second." I asked irritably, ignoring the prickling pain that his claws left on my arm.

The orange one made a sharp noise, and the silver one went limo in my hand. I snickered, grinning at the orange one. "You and me are gonna get along." I told him, setting the silver one back on the floor.

I picked up the bowl, sitting cross cross on the floor in front of all the kittens. I gave a handful to them one at a time, starting with the orange faced one. His consent noise was getting annoying.

Of course, I skipped the silver one, who hissed loudly. I refused to even take notice of his presence, pissing him off farther. When they all had a good amount of meat, I stood back up, having to stretch my legs from sitting so long.

The tell tale sound of Harle's truck made me more motivated to finish up her food. "I'm on the porch, blondie!" I screeched as soon as I heard the door slam shut. I quickly finished putting the hamburgers on a plate and turning off the grill before she made it around the house.

Harle's first words of course were, "God, I hate pants."

"I hate having to work at a beauty salon full of stupid people." I replied dryly.

She clamored up the porch stairs, her skinny jeans thrown over her shoulder and her pink plaid shirt not doing anything to cover her Full Metal Alchemist panties.

"You could always go back to stripping." She shrugged, lazily taking in the kitties. She didn't even bat an eye before grabbing a bun and fixing herself a plain burger.

I sighed dreamily, thinking of all the tips I got from that one week. "It was a good run. I can't say I didn't appreciate all the money it made me. Ahh, good times."

The silver kitty made a choking noise, while the other kittens watched Harle curiously.

She studied them, tilting her head to the side in confusion. "Why do you have a bunch of kittens on your porch that look like they got stuck in a sunroom full of crayons?"

"They want me to start stripping again too." I teased lightly, smirking.

The blonde one meowed loudly, nodding his head in agreement. Harle pointed at him, stating Ina matter of fact tone, "You should name him Hugh. He's a pervert."

I blinked slowly, connecting the dots in my head. Then I laughed. "The bunny guy!"

"And you call me the blonde, Izaya?" She shook out her curly blonde locks extravagantly to prove the point.

"Shizuo-chan! Don't be mean! It's not really my fault I don't automatically understand every perverted reference you have. If anything it shows where your head always is." I pouted, shaking off the orange faced kitty that was clawing at my leg.

She shrugged. "I'm not the one who started the corner list." She growled smugly.

I stood up abruptly, placing a hand on my hip, "Hey now! Brianna was the first one, and you were the one who said THAT. I just made a list." I sniffed.

"What exactly did I say again?" Harle smiled innocently, tiling her head to the side.

I stuttered, my face now bright red at the memory. _You said, 'I think I could rape someone, of he's hot and you gave me some rope. In theory.' _

"You-stop it! You're properly trying to make me feel awkward and there sure children present!" I motioned to the kittens, finally picking up the small brown one with the orange face.

He purred. I giggled kissing the tip of his nose. "Awwwww. You're almost as cute as my kitty." I murmured softly, placing him on my shoulder.

Harle stood up, now finished with her first burger. "Which one is "your's" and what did you have for dinner?"

"The black and white one, and I'm thinking a pudding cup sounds nice."

"That's not healthy." She scolded, holding the door open for all the kittens and me.

"Neither's your on and off relationship with the same guy since high school and I don't judge." I snapped back.

Harle's lip curled back in a fierce scowl. "At least I have a boyfriend, miss-I-haven't-gotten-laid-in-months."

I put a hand to my chest, fake offended by that. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You talk shit when we both know Daniel isn't any fun. You told me so yourself, which brings me back to the question, why do you stay with him?"

"I love him. Something you know nothing about." Harle hissed, making herself another burger.

"I love Edward Elric. Does that count? I betcha my Jimmy Choo's he's better than Daniel. In every sense," I unzipped my boots, throwing them across the room. The crash made several of the kittens jump in surprise.

Harle snorted. "First, no it does not count. Second, for how cheap you are, I don't see the reasoning behind buying hundred dollar shoes."

I blinked, turning to face her with my chocolate pudding cup clenched tightly in my hand. "A HUNDRED DOLLARS? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME CHEAP KNOCKOFF? NO! I BUT THE REAL JIMMY CHOO. NOTHING LESS."

"I bought my shoes for fifteen bucks at a garage sale." She grinned.

I shivered in disgust, and waited for her to take a bite. Paybacks a bitch. "Oh, no, no, no. More like five hundred and seventy five dollars for my 'pixel' wedges and my eight seventy five 'Lolita', plus shipping, which I got a discount on because I bought two at the same time."

Harle reacted just as I assumed she would. She started choking on her dead cow.

I snickered to myself, opening my pudding cup while my best friend gasped for breath and tried not to die. "Don't hurt yourself. I don't have time for a murder investigation in my kitchen."

"You fu-fucking payed over a thousand dollars for a pair of shoes!" She screeched finally, still out of breath.

"Technically, they're wedges. Beautiful wedges that make Jessie's feet very happy and my ass look fabulous. Well, one of them is, 'Lolita' is a platform heel. But its gold and suede! How could I say to that, honestly?" I explained.

"NO. Just like that. You say NO. I don't need to spend a months worth of money to feed a family of seven on shoes!"

I pouted, "But they make me happy! Like whatever the hell that chick's name is on Naruto and explosions."

...I should not have said that.

Harle went ballistic, similar to her anime crushes Edward Elric's reaction to being called short. "HE IS NOT A GIRL. HE IS A VERY ATTRACTIVE MALE THAT JUST SO HAPPENS TO LIKE BLOWING SHIT UP AND PAINTING HIS NAILS."

I ignored her little rant, favoring to look at my kittens some more. Most of them were staring at Harle like she had grown another head. The brown one on my shoulder was or purring loudly and rubbing against my cheek.

"Can you get me a spoon?" I interrupted.

"Fuck you."

I put my nose up in the air, smirking like a pro, "I bet your little bomber would too.

She lunged for my throat.

"Fine, fine, fine! I won't make fun of your weird thing for blondes anymore! God, don't hurt the kitty." I put the kitty protectively behind my back and kept my open pudding high in the air.

She looked about ready to kill when the sound of the Ouran High School Host Club theme song rang out. Harle's ring tone. I giggled yelling very loudly, "Tamaki-sempai!"

"He's on the corner list isn't he?" She snickered before pressing the ignore button, it must've been Daniel.

I licked some of my pudding out, still to lazy to get a spoon for myself. "If I was truthful, your little blondie would be too."

"Because he's cute in an awkward kind of way, or because you have a thing for lighting shit on fire?"

"All of the above. Now can you get me a spoon? This is tedious."

"And dirty looking." Harle wrinkled her noise, winking suggestively.

I dipped my tongue back in the pudding cup, shooting her a glare. "You're a sick puppy, you know." I muttered.

Harle giggled, moving to sit on my couch and click on my widescreen tv. I had actually inherited that from my grandfather too, along with the couch she had plopped down on. She flicked through the options, deciding on Soul Eater.

"After this we're naming the kitties." I told her, laying across her lap with my pudding cup in hand and my legs kicked over the top of the couch. She folded her arms across my tummy, smiling warmly.

I reached down as the blue kitty with gill markings walked by, graving him around the middle. He made a hissing noise, but quickly settled down after I set him down next to me.

"I like this one." Harle said quietly, brushing his ears back.

"Me too. He's such a pretty color." I trilled, absentmindedly stroking him as I turned back to Crona. He started purring, laying down on the bottom of my belly. "We should name the black and white one Death The Kid."

"Asymmetrical bastard."

We lapsed into silence, laughing at the TV. The blue cat sometimes made that hacking laugh noises at certain points. He looked kind of creeped out by Stein though, not that I blame him. He can get scary.

Anyway, after that episode was finished, Harle clicked the first episode of Supernatural, while I yelled for all the cats to get their furry asses over here. I'm not sure where they went in the first part.

The brown one with the orange face got annoyed when he saw that we were cuddling the blue one, which I found amusing.

Harle pointed at the stitched one with the weird eyes, "Your name is officially Kevin." She announced.

I looked up at her, confused. "Why is his name Kevin?"

She shrugged, "He seems like a 'K' kinda person, and Kevin was the first name I could think of. You name the next one."

"Can I name this one Castiel? He looks like a Castiel to me." I pet the blue kitty.

Harle laughed, leaning over to kiss the top of his head. "You should take that as a compliment. Castiel is one sexy son of a chicken." She winked, making the cat purr loudly.

"Okay, everyone with a name has to sit over here so I don't name one of you twice." I ordered, pointing the the space left on the couch. "You can stay in my lap, okay Castiel?"

He meowed, sending the others a superior glare. The blonde one snorted, jumping into my chest.

I raised my eyebrows, flicking the longer bit of fur out of his to reveal a patch of silver fur and a second blue eye. "Jealous of Castiel, little one?"

"Mrrrrrooow."

"I'm naming you Nemo."

Harle giggled. "He does look like a Nemo doesn't he?"

I nodded, putting the blonde next to Casteil on my legs. "Your turn, Shizou-chan."

She looked over the cats, stopping at the second blue one. "Is that one the only girl? That poor thing."

She nodded, shooting the full orange one a meaningful look.

"Are you guys together?" I asked suddenly, looking between the two kitties.

They both shook their heads quickly, while the other kitted started scoffing. We bite took that as a positive apparently. Because when I looked back at Harle, her eyes reflected the same glint mine did.** (J/N, I FULLY SUPPORT KONANXPEIN. Just wanted to put that out there. Don't judge.)**

"Kyo." I started, pointing to the orange Leader kitty.

"And Tohro."

"Now go sit over there." I pointed to the end of the couch, looking over the remaining kittens. I shifted my leg slightly.

The annoying orange faced one, the silver one, the red one, and the black one.

I debated calling the silver one something cliché like Silver. Becuase I'm very creative in that sense. Then again, he did have pink eyes...

"What character has pink eyes?"

"Skip him. We should call the black one Kanda though." **(J/N, D. Grey Man! Both Kanda and Allen are the the list.)**

I held out my hand for the kitty in question, who slowly walked over to sniff my palm. "Where's his Allen then? Every Kanda needs an Allen."

"Leave you shipping out of this."

"Fine. But the red one shall be named Flameo. Like from Avatar. Go sit next to the others, now, Flameo."

Harle laughed, shakiher the blonde hair out of her eyes. "The one with the orange face seems annoyed we haven't picked his name yet.

While we tried to think of a good name for the brown one, I noticed that one of the kittens was pulling on my shirt, making it go higher up on my leg. Probably to make a comfortable bed or something.

"Harle. Why's Nemo playing with my shirt?"

"I told you he was a perevert. I'm not sure why you're surprised he's trying to look at your panties."

My garter was now visable on my left leg, the creamy pink a sharp contrast to my dark skin tone. "He's a cute little kitty. I doubt my panties are that interesting to him or any other cats for that matter."

"What're you wearing?"

I thought about it. "Ummmmm. The Pierce The Veil ones we bought at the mall that one time. Remember? We got matching Sleeping With Sirens shirts too. And the sweatshirts that say 'Stop fucking around with my emotions'!"

"I like you better when you're numb." She grinned.

"I'm sick and tired of false devotion!"

"Devote yourself to moving on!"

I stood up much to the cats on my laps disappointment. Harle followed after me, smiling brightly has I continued, "Suck it up, let it go."

"But you're always out to get me!"

We both a started singing the chorus, laughing at each other's attempt at All Time Low. The cats looked very confused.

"Hey! I know what we should name this one!" Harle picked up the second to last one, the orange faced annoyance.

"What?" I picked the blue one back up, noticing that he was heavier than Death The Kid and the orange one. He purred, tilting his head to lick my cheek with his rough little tongue. I giggled.

Harle held the orange faced one in the air, Mufasa style. "You shall be named SIMBA!"

"Annnnnd the last one?"

"Hida-chan. He shall be called Hida-chan."


	2. Chapter 2 My kitties Aren't kitties?

**Hiya! I realize I forgot to out a note on here last time, but anyway here's chapter two! **

**Deidara; Why am I called 'Nemo,' un?**

**Me; I honestly have no reasoning behind that. Sorry, Dei. **

**Deidara; You suck, yeah.**

**Me; You know damn well you love me. And Danna, even though you won't admit it.**

**Deidara; Shut up, un! **

**Me; Anyway! Special thanks to ****_EverlastingAngel26435 _****because she's a boss and reviewed FIRST. Plus, she gave me an OC, who you will all meter in a few minutes!**

*****Disclaimer. I don't own the Akatsuki or any songs/shows mentioned in this story. I own my OC's and a bottle of glitter.*****

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It was my day off today, and thankfully, I woke quite nicely. I had six kittens all curled around my motionless body, all keeping me warm and toasty in my chilly house.

I slowly crawled off, careful not to disrupt their sleep, not that it really worked.

I mean, the blonde one, Nemo, was practically in my shirt, his long tail laying on my chest, while his body was curled up under my chin. Kanda, Castiel, Simba, Death The Kid, and Hida-chan were scattered across my bed and the rest were loitering around my bedroom.

They all woke up anyway when I tripped in the way to take a shower, muttering several choice words under my breath as I held my bruised arm. I decided at that second I was going to spend some some quality time with my jacuzzi.

Ignoring their laughing noises, I dragged myself to my closet, changing into my zebra print one piece. Well, actually, it was or like a bikini with a strip of fabric connecting the two pieces, because it didn't have any sides or a back, but it was cute and I liked it.

Bathroom time. I left the door open behind me, forgetting about the kittens for a split second. I had to wait for the water to warm up. I flicked on my sound system, which I had out in specially for my jacuzzi time, and clicking through all the soundtracks until I hit my punkier tracks. I was in an odd mood today.

The Greatest Story Ever Told by Ice Nine Kills blasted from my speakers, causing me to smile. I loved this song and the band itself. I sat down on the edge of my jacuzzi, dipping one foot in to test the bubbly water.

I glanced up as Castiel walked in, looking around curiously. "Hey, kitty! You wanna take a bath?"

Castiel twitched his blue ears, looking at the water disdainfully. He did, however, walk closer so I could pet him. I laughed quietly to myself, bending down to kiss the to of his head.

The water was hot enough that by this point, that I decided I could get in. I sighed happily as the burning waters covered me.

"Mrrrroooowww!"

I looked back, where Simba was trying to get my attention. I picked him up, setting him down on one of my only un-submerged parts other than my face, my knees. "What's wrong? Is Nemo trying to kill you again?"

They had woken me up several times last night with Nemo going at Simba's throat for no apparent reason. Even though Kyo was their leader, he kind of just snarled at them to shut up and went back to sleeping. (Curled up next to Tohro, keep in mind. Wink wink.)

Simba made a mewing noise, nodding cutely.

I giggled, settling back down and closing my eyes. Simba curled on my knee, licking my knee affectionately. It felt odd to have his sand paper tongue on my skin, but I ignored it, concentrating Kellin's voice.

I only got past three songs before someone else had to interrupt me, this time it was Hida-chan, who was meowing and hissing and glaring at me. I flicked a little bit of water at me.

I expected him to shut up.

He burst into flames.

Not literally, but it kind of looked like it. Hida-chan made a pain filled noise, collapsing on the floor as steam (or smoke I guess) started pouring out from his small body.

I jumped up, trying to figure out what was wrong before I ended up with a dead cat on my hands. Simba clawed at my legs, trying to keep himself up right. He fell into the water.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Simba are you-" I broke off, realizing that in place of my silver haired kitty was now a silver haired man. I also realized he was not only extremely attractive, but naked.

My eyes widened. "Daaaaaaaaaa-yum. What the hell happened to my kitty?"

He stood up slowly, blinking rapidly like he couldn't believe he was human. Not that I blame him. He was just a cat two seconds ago. "I'm a fucking human again!" He yelled, smirking.

"Again?"

"Tobi is human too! Thank you, Izaya-chan!" Someone else yelled. I was suddenly tackled to the floor, although a hand protected my head from cracking on the floor. I looked up, only seeing a swirly orange mask.

Why he had a mask and no clothes...? Debatable. "Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi is naked, so get the hell off me!" I shoved him off. I noticed that all my kitties were now in the room, watching us with wide eyes.

The silver haired one laughed. "Bitch, why'd you splash me with water?"

"It worked didn't it, bitch?" I snapped back, glaring up at him from my spot on the floor. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "You know this is supposed to be my relaxing idiot free day. Why the fuck are you here?"

"You invited Zetsu-kun in! Remember?" Tobi spook up, jumping to his feet. I huffed. "I invited a bunch of starving and ill natured cats into my home, I didn't invite ten full grown humans!" I crossed my arms over my chest, still glaring at Hida-chan.

Something occurred to me at that moment. "Wait a minute! So- NEMO. GET YOUR BLONDE ASS OVER HERE." I lunged for him, glaring with all my might. "You sick pervert! You were snuggling me!"

The blonde cat made a noise of terror, darting behind Castiel. I sighed, picking the blue cat up into my arms. "Are you a human too?" He nodded, licking the side of my face roughly.

"Are you at least a cute human? Because Hidan-chan's kind of a disappointment." I asked him gently, grinning maliciously. The kitty made a laughing noise.

"What was that, you fucking bitch!?"

I ignored him, throwing Castiel in the jacuzzi. He flew, somehow still landing on his feet. He was landing in water though, so he basically belly flopped.

I laughed, running to my room to grab more towels, "Nobody move while I'm gone! That means you bitch!"

_One two, three, eleven_. I grabbed enough towels for everyone, and my cell phone. I needed to borrow the truck from Harle if I was gonna cloth all of them.

I threw a fluffy towel at Hida-chan as soon as I walked in. "Put it on, you shameless bastard." I looked at the jacuzzi, where instead of Castiel there was a sharky looking guy. He looked kind of nervously at me, probably because he was self-conscious or something.

I'm not sure why. He was cute in sorta weird way.

"Why are you so tall!?" I demanded, pouting.

His nervousness vanished. He snorted, holding his arms out for a towel. I chucked it at his face, snickering to myself as he almost lost his balance trying to catch it.

"Okay, guys, I'm thinking the rest of you should wait until I get enough cloths for you to not.. Be naked. So, who's the smallest one out of all of you?" I needed to figure this out before I had a bunch of naked guys- plus one girl- running around my house.

Hida-chan laughed, "Why the fuck do you need to know that?"

"Because I have a motorcycle, and none of you know how to drive, so I'll have to drive and one of you will hold on to me. It's harder to balance with heavier people, no offense Castiel." I shrugged.

"None taken. My name's actually Kisame, by the way. What's a motorcycle?"

"I can show you after we pick the smallest." I rolled my eyes, smiling at Kisame.

"Sasori-kun is the shortest!" Tobi volunteered, apparently having recovered from my shove.

I grinned, "And who is Sasori exactly?"

"The red head. Flameo." Kisame answered, shaking water out if his hair.

I was momentarily mesmerized by this until Flameo made a noise of impatience. I picked him up, bringing to eye level before saying, "You better not be as annoying as Hida-chan."

He blinked boredly at me. I threw him and a towel at Kisame, turning to my phone. Harle was the first in my speed dial.

"Yellow?" She asked calmly.

I could hear a lot of noise in the background. "Ja. You're at work aren't you?"

She snorted, "No dip. I'm on break right now, though so if you wanna ditch the kitties and come over..?" She suggested.

I dumped the rest of the towels on Nemo's head, drumming my fingers in time to I See Stars. "There's a problem with the cats. So, I'm gonna need to borrow your truck for a few hours. I'll leave you my baby, okay? Don't you dare hurt her or I'll have a party with your guts."

Hida-chan and Kisame suddenly looked a little more interested in our conversation.

"Yeah, yeah. I know you will too. You're a surprisingly violent vegetarian. When are you gonna be here?"

"I'm still at the house. I'll be bringing Flameo."

She laughed. "Why?"

I sighed, looking up to see a bored redhead standing in front of me. "I'll explain later, Shizuo-chan." I clicked the red button not waiting for a reply.

"I'm Sasori." The redhead stated.

I felt the urge to fluff his hair, just to check if it was natural. You can't really blame me, I mean, my livelihood relied on hair. "I'm Jessica. You can call me Jess or Jessie. Only Harle is allowed to call me Izaya."

He nodded.

"Let's go. Kisame, Hida-chan, you guys wanna see my baby?" I walked ahead of him, ducking into my closet for a second to change into a pair of skinny jeans and a grey tank top that said 'super-cala-fraga-listic-expiala' in black letters and 'dope shit' in pink underneath it.

I also grabbed a looser pair of skinny jeans that Sasori could fit into and a black shirt I got from Austin that I wear to bed. Austin's my twenty five year old brother, currently in California doing whatever he does.

"Put this on." I threw them at him, racing downstairs to look for the right pair of shoes.

So many beautiful choices... And converse that Sasori could probably fit in. I liked converse for casual days. Or gym class.

"KISAME!" I yelled.

I nearly peed myself when a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"I'm right here." He said, dangerously close to my ear.

I shot him an accusing glare. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack? God, just pick a pair of shoes. Not open toed. It's too cold outside for that." He shrugged, straightening up. He was towering above me. Jerk.

"How about... This pair?" He held up a pair of espadrilles with a two inch wedge. Baby stuff.

I shrugged, slipping them on. Sasori looked at me questionably when I offered him a pair of black converse.

"Wear them." I growled. He narrowed his eyes, but complied.

We entered my small garage, the guys glancing around at everything like it it would attack them.

I chuckled, settling into my bike and pulling on my yellow 'headless rider' helmet. It took me forever to find one that would actually work as a helmet, and it cost a ton of money, but I loved it. I opened the visor, raising my eyebrows at Sasori. "Come on."

He looked at the bike and back at me. "What am I supposed to do, brat?"

"Just sit right here and wrap your arms around my waist. Otherwise you'll go flying off." I patted the seat behind me. "Do you want a helmet?" It wasn't required for passengers to war helmets.

He shook his head, sitting down as I instructed and lightly wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Tighter or you'll fall off." I instructed, pushing the keys in, the engine roaring to life under us.

Sasori's grip was still loose, as if he was afraid to hurt me, but I don't think he'd fall off... Oh well.

I winked sassily at Kisame before lowering my visor and hitting the pedal. We shot forward.

Sasori's response was to immediately nearly kill me with his grip on my waist.

"Chill out! I'm a great driver. I promise we won't hit anything." I yelled back at him, using one arm to loosen his death grip slightly. Just so I could breath you know.

Hida-chan and Kisame both had to pick their jaws off the floor as when I looked back, waving cheerfully.

We weren't even going twenty yet. Please. It was truly a tragedy that we couldn't get on the highway, because then if be able to show Sasori what a hundred and five looked like...

Yes. It was magical.

On the way to the supermarket, we could probably only get up to about forty. It was... Mildly trilling. Not very much fun.

"Is this fun for you?" Sasori asked quietly. I could barely catch it over the wind.

"Well, yes. It's exhilarating for me. I can triple this speed, if you want. We'd be flying." I replied, leaning forward slightly as I sped up a little more.

Sasori's grip tightened, "I'd appreciate if you didn't."

"Hehe. Fine. It'll be easier once we get the truck. It's bigger and you actually sit in it instead of on it." I giggled, slowing down for his benefit.

We reached the dinner were Harle worked without another word. I parked in the employee parking, knowing that Harle would probably need to ride my bike home if we weren't back in time. She didn't actually have a motorcycle license like I do, but she did know how to drive it.

"Get off." I told Sasori gently, waiting for him to hop off so I could. He nodded, gracefully standing up. Twisting and yanking out my keys, I jumped off, grabbing Sasori's hand in the process.

He blinked, "Why are you holding my hand?"

"You're a reasonably attractive male in a town full of desperate women who have known all the available men for decades. It's either hold my hand or get jumped, Flameo." I replied, dragging him into the batman themed restaurant.

I spotted Harle immediately. She was serving a table near the front, trying not to grimace as a child grabbed her apron with his sticky pancake fingers.

I laughed, weaving through the crowds with Sasori gracefully. "Harle, manager wants to talk to you." I improvised, giving the family an apologetic smile.

The woman was too busy eye-raping Sasori to notice. I growled lowly, pulling Sasori closer possessively.

I told him.

Harle stared down Sasori, breathing softly, "Of course, Izaya." She turned to her customers, "I'll be right back to take your order."

We darted to the back room, Sasori still trailing behind with a poker face and wide eyes.

"Why do you have Akasuna no Sasori with you? I thought you said you were... Holy hell." She demanded.

Sasori looked at her questionably, "How do you know my name when Jess-san did not?" Jess-san, huh? He could've just said Jess, or even Jess-chan.

"You guys... You guys are on one of the TV shows we watch together. It's called Naruto, but Jess never really got into it. I'm not sure why, considering its full of blood and outrageously sexy males, but I don't judge." Harle explained slowly.

I looked at Sasori, squinting. "But I thought I new most of the characters..."

"The Akatsuki only get real screen time in Shippuden." She flicked off my confusion.

I nodded. "Sasori kinda looks like the psychopath from the chuunin exams though doesn't he? I mean aside from eye color and hair length. They have similar facial structures though."

Harle shot me a glare, "Gaara's not a psychopath, first of all. Second, it would make sense, they're from the same region."

I mulled this over, "I still think that Sam and Dean are better..."

Sasori snorted, a smirk now plastered across his face. "The people on the poster in your room?"

"...yes." To say I was in shock was an understatement. I'm pretty sure that the first emotion other than annoyance I've seen Sasori make all day. It was bloody confusing.

More so than the fact he paid enough attention to my Supernatural poster to recognize their names. Not that I have any room to to talk but... Ehh.

"Annnnyway." I dragged it out just to annoy Harle. "Trade cars with me. I don't want a whole bunch of naked nin running around my house. My baby's parked in the workers zone."

Harle nodded. "'Kay. Don't get mugged, and please don't let Hida-chan near any pointy objects. I'll be over later." She handed me her keys, pulling one off my ring finger.

I leaned forward, pecking her cheek. "Sure thing. Make sure to accidentally trip all the drinks on that bitch by the way. She shouldn't be eye-raping one of my potential PLI's. It's just rude."

"Flameo is a potential PLI?" Harle looked Sasori up and down, nodding her head slightly. The redhead in question looked confused.

"Of course. So's almost everybody in the List." I growled playfully, fulling aware Sasori had no idea what we meant by PLI, or the List for that matter.

PLI's were something we came up with in our Freshman year so we could talk about the boys we were interested in right next to them and they'd be completely oblivious. It stood for potential love interest, and it came in handy during football games when the entire band was crowded into a small section of stands and we were divided by section.

I will admit to having a crush on my section leader, who we called Fearless Leader.

Fearless Leader the Second was actually older, but he was rather... Laid back about the whole thing. Harle and I spent a lot of our first year admiring FLtS's gorgeous hair.

Harle and I were also kind of their mini's. I mean, FLtS had pretty blonde hair and didn't really yell and demand things, and FL was dark haired like me and was the more serious one.

When it came to terrifying freshman clarineters, that is.

Good times.

Sasori seemed to handle being in the truck better than on my bike, as expected. He looked out the window the entire time, occasionally asking a question about certain buildings.

We somehow ended up discussing art, which is where we had a disagreement. See, for whatever reason Sasori is convicted art is eternal? While I liked the idea of it being a one time kind of thing, like how everyone hears music differently, assumes a different meaning to each note. He was annoyed by this.

Anyway. We found all the cloths in a little over an hour, Sasori helping me estimate sizes and thing they would prefer. Just before we left, the redhead made me go outside, claiming that he forgot something in the truck.

I couldn't remember him bringing anything, but I brushed it off, dutifully searching the seat for something out of the ordinary. I was quite surprised when Sasori came out with all the bags in his hand and a satisfied smirk on his face.

"What did you do?" I questioned slowly, just waiting for someone to run out and taze my ass.

"I'm a ninja. Do you doubt my ability to get things for free from civilians?" He shot back, sounding displeased with my reaction.

I shrugged. "If I get in trouble, you're paying for it, Sasori-san. So, no. I do not doubt your abilities to mug unsuspecting people."

He smiled. A tiny, almost none existent smile, but it was there.

I'm pretty sure my heart stopped for a split second. He looked so fricking adorable! I wanted to pinch his cheeks. Shaking it off, I helped him throw all the bags into the back.

"Can we stop for coffee?"

"You're the one driving, brat."

I smiled to myself, turning right at the right instead of left. There was a cute little cafe just outside what was considered 'downtown' called "Mochalicous Coffee!" True to its name, they made killer mocha latte's, which is my absolute favorite.

Sasori opted to wait outside for me.

A very cute brunette sat behind the counter, looking extremely bored in her own little way. I grinned, cheering, "Tarah Ukio! What are you doing here?"

She jerked upright, yelping in surprise. Her gaze softened when she realized who it was though, and she smiled shyly. "Fearless Leader. I work here now." She greeted quietly, using my old nickname from when I was a section leader.

She was one of the freshman clarinets I terrified.

"Can you get me a soy mocha latte, sweetheart?" I asked kindly, noticing that she's started wearing make-up since I saw her last. It was a very subtle bronze shading that complimented her aqua eyes perfectly and peach lip gloss. It suited her innocent and young self.

She was a junior this year, I think, although she's only fifteen. She was smart enough to skip a year.

"Sure thing, Leader-sama. What've you been up to lately?" Tarah started making my drink, glancing up nervously every few seconds. It was in her nature to be very quie and shy, but she loosened up after a few weeks of Harle and I pestering her.

I settled down on one of the bat stools, watching her in amazement. "I got my hair license earlier this year, Harle is still going to collage... I got a few housemates." I replied carefully.

"Are you done yet?"

Both Tarah and I jumped as an impatient Sasori tapped my shoulder.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I snapped, giving Tarah a sympathetic look. Seriously, is that my catch phrase now?

Sasori smirked, his attention shifting to a shocked Tarah.

She blushed, stuttering slightly as she said, "You look just like Sa-"

"Tarah." I interrupted.

"Leader-sama?"

I pointed to Sasori, deadpanned. "This is Sasori, one of the housemates I mentioned before."

Sasori nodded halfheartedly, still looking mildly annoyed. Tarah almost dropped my coffee on the floor.

I winced, leaning forward over the counter to grab it before it had a premature demise and handed her a five dollar bill. "Don't go all fan girl on me or I'll get the spray bottle." I threatened darkly.

Tarah made a strange whimpering noise, her pretty blues going wide. "S-sorry! I promise I won't, Fearless Leader! I'm just really surprised and... Oh! My name's Tarah Ukio, Sasori-Danna." She scrambled, looking anywhere but the redhead.

I giggled, patting the top of her head affectionately. "Don't worry! I was kidding. I'm not cruel enough to bring out the spray bottle... Today. How's that bitch treating the freshman, by the way?"

'That bitch' was the girl I had chosen as my successor. It was a term of endearment, I assure you.

"How do you know my name?" Sasori demanded, narrowing his eyes. Didn't he ask Harle the same question? I mean, come on, danna!

I hit the back of his head, glaring. "Don't be rude. She's clearly not any sort of threat. You act like she's the S-rank criminal." I was very protective of my baby clarinets.

Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes. "I apologize." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I scowled, looking to make a snappy comeback when Tarah interrupted, "Leader-sama, would you and the Second happen to be free on Friday?" The Second was Harle.

"Do we have a football game?" I asked, momentarily ignoring Sasori.

She nodded, smiling sweetly. "Yes."

It was very hard for me not to pinch her cheeks and tell her how cute she looked while making that face. Instead I asked, "Are you asking because you want me to get out of the house, or because you kinda want to show off how great at lateral slides you've gotten in the past year?"

She blushed again. "A little of both? I'm sure Shawn would be happy to see you too.."

"Ahh, Shawn. I do miss his awkwardness," I laughed, taking a sip of the drink. She made it perfectly. I offered it to Sasori, who just shook his head. I guess he doesn't like coffee or something. "Sasori, does anyone wake like coffee?"

"Hidan, Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi although Tobi's not allowed to drink it. Itachi prefers tea as does Konan. I'm pretty sure the rest couldn't care either way." He shrugged.

I looked at Tarah expectantly. Her eyes widened. "You have the entire Akatsuki in your house? You do realize they're all like mass murderers, right?"

I shrugged, thinking of Castiel. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. So's almost everyone on The List. Speaking of which, how's it goings with PLI?"

Tarah blushed, flicking a piece of dark brown hair out of her face as she started making four more lattes. "I don't really have a PLI anymore." She murmured softly, eyes flickering to Sasori.

"Really now?" I glanced at Sasori, who was glaring at the wall. He really needed to learn how to be patient.

"He was being an asshole, and he purposely broke one of my flowers."

My eyes narrowed. "What?" I growled, slamming my fist on the counter. Both Sasori and Tarah shot me a surprised glare. "Why the hell would he do that?"

Here's the thing; Tarah is a very skilled artist, particularly when it comes to welding and metal works. She has a knack for taking scrap metal and making it into different objects, although her favorite is to make flowers. Not only that, but '_they lasted forever, just like art should_.' Tarah told me that the first time I asked why she likes metal as a medium.

How the _hell_ do you break a metal flower?

She smiled reassuringly at me, "It's okay, Leader. I have tons at home. It just was a deal breaker for me."

I rolled my eyes, loosening up slightly, "Well, duh. If he can't accept your art than you shouldn't give him the time of day. That jackass. I'm going to knock his lights out."

"You're an artist?" Sasori sounded a little more interested than before.

Tarah blushed, nodding her head shyly. "Y-yeah." She bent down a little, pulling something out of the drawer.

She offered her hand to him, uncurling her small fingers to reveal a tiny orchid made of a scrapped silver material. Probably iron or aluminum.

"I like... to make it so it'll last forever," she explained under her breath, looking away.

I grinned. "Carefull there, Tarah, your shy is showing." I teased.

The redhead took the flower, inspecting from every angle as the light bounced off the reflective surface. "Hm," he smirked, looking back at Tarah.

She blushed, purposely trying not to meet his gaze. "Do you like it?"

"Art is... Eternal." He replied, tucking the small flower into his pocket.

I was mentally doing a victory dance._ Yes! He is so whipped as of now. _Mission accomplished. I smirked to myself, sending a wink at Tarah that showed I had clearly planned this.

Oh yes.

It was matchmaker time, my friends.

* * *

**I PINKY SWEAR THE REST OF THE AKATSUKI SHALL BE HUMAN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. THIS CHAPTER WAS JUST GETTING TOO LONG.**

**Jess; Turn off the caps lock, you idiot. **

**NEVER. **

**(I love all you guys reviewing and giving me compliments! It really does make my day! Especially sense some of you guys have a messed up sense of humor. :D )**


	3. Chapter 3 Target practice!

**Hey guys! I'm watching the Hunger Games on Netflix right now, so you should be pretty proud that I'm updating. **

**Hidan; What's the Hunger Games? **

**Me; Well, it's basically a movie about pinning twenty four against each other in a battle to the death for the amusement of the government.**

**Hidan; That sounds like a good show.**

**Me; You would think that, wouldn't you? But, in the end they end up picking two tributes, ****_because they're in love_****. **

**Hidan; That's disappointing. **

**Me; I know. I know, Hida-chan. It's okay. We have a new chapter. **

**Disclaimer! I don't own anything mentioned in this story, because if I did, the Akatsuki would be mine. And all the other attractive guys in Naruto. **

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"Father, father, tell me are you now?" I sang along, pulling into my driveway.

"You're annoying." Sasori sighed, clearly not appreciating my constant serenading.

Just wait till he heard my full house stereo system. Cue the evil laughter! I shook my head, pouting as I shot back, "We both know you're just jealous Kellin Quinn is a sexy beast." The redhead glared, jumping out of the car as soon as we stopped moving.

I took out my phone, connecting to my house's electrical, water, heating, and just about everything else.

My Grandpa got it set up after I decided I was going to live here with him, of course, we didn't know he'd die only a few months later. It was a precautionary measure, just like the guns I have stashed throughout the house.

Back to my phone. Modern tech, people. Ya gotta love it.

I slowly walked towards the house, clicking the option for my speakers. "Sasori-Danna! You can't escape my beautiful voice that easy, dumbass!" I growled, knowing that wherever he had disappeared to he would hear me.

"Jessie?" I heard someone yell from the inside, trying to locate me I guess.

"I'm outside, Sherlock." I replied, sitting down on the front steps. I texted Tarah that we would most definitely be there on Friday, and Harle the same. Harle said she'd be over in a few hours.

Apparently she and Daniel got back together AGAIN and are now... Preoccupied. It can't possibly be that good if she was disinterested enough to text me... Ehhhh.

I scowled, laying my head in my lap. I didn't bother to look up as someone opened the door behind me, although I squeaked in surprise when I was tackled, again.

But. He tilted so that when we landed, I landed on him and he hit the hard ground. It was sweet of him.

"Tobi is happy that Izaya-chan is home!" He cheered, rubbing where his cheek would be against mine.

"Okay, Tobi-kun. Release. I'll give you something very special."

"Tobi gets a treat!?" He shot up, pulling me with him to our feet.

I smiled dizzily, "Yeah. Go look in the truck. You can only have one though. The rest is for everyone else once they stop being kitties!" I was serious when I told Tarah to make me four more coffees. Well, five because I wanted another by the time we were leaving. All of which were sitting in my truck waiting for someone to drink.

My phone made a bleeping noise, which probably sounded through the whole house. I expected it to be Harle or Tarah, but surprisingly it was an an email from my eldest brother.

"Check it out! We went to the hospital today, and look what we found!" I assume 'we' was referring to him and his short term girlfriend, Kristine. They've been dating for like two months.

I clicked on the picture, nearly fainting.

"Y-YOU FUCKING IDIOT." I screamed at the phone, shaking my head. "No, no. No." Chanting as I dialed his number, I crossed all my fingers and toes that this was some kind of sick joke.

Tobi hopped back, holding all five coffees perfectly balanced in his gloved hands.

Wait. Gloved? I squinted, realizing that those were my black leather gloves on his hands, and those were my sweatpants hanging loosely on his body. He didnt have a shirt though. He must've gone through my closet.

I grabbed one of the lattes, taking a large gulp. My hand was shaking as I pressed the phone against my ear and waited for him to pick up.

"Is Izaya-chan okay?" Tobi asked curiously.

I shook my head, holding my fingers to my lips. "Adam. Tell me you are fucking around here and that picture is not an actual sonogram. Now."

"Nope! It's the real deal! That's gonna be your niece or nephew!"

I collapsed on the floor, groaning. "Dammit. Adam, you've been together for two fucking months! What the hell are you thinking?" I snarled, taking another drink of coffee.

There was no way my honor roll brother could be this dumb. You can't dare someone for two months and expect everything to be okay enough that you have a baby with that person. That was just like a wish for that baby to grow up with one parent! I mean, there are so many things wrong with this picture!

I felt a panic attack coming on.

"Jessie! Stop being so negative. It'll work out."

"Please, just stop and think for a moment. For the sake of the unborn, just fucking think." I sighed, hanging up.

Tobi out the coffee down next to me on the floor, tilting my chin up. "Is Izaya-chan sure she's okay? She's making Tobi worried."

Something in that sentence caused me to start crying. I made a strangled noise, tackling him to the floor. I buried my face in his chest, hyperventilating and tears streaming down my face.

"Izaya-chan, are you okay?" Tobi whispered, gently pushing the hair out of my face.

I whimpered, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, Tobi. I much seem like an idiot. I mean, I don't even know you and know I'm crying like some weak little girl and..."

Tobi silenced me with his hand. "No. It's okay. What's really wrong though?" His voice seemed to get deeper all of a sudden, and he wasn't throwing in 'Tobi' every other sentence.

I blinked, whipping away some of my stupid tears. "My-my brother started dating this girl only two months ago and now she's pregnant. So, I guess I'm just worried that it won't work out and that little helpless baby will have to go through unnecessary pain just because my brother couldn't get any stupider. And even if it does work out, I've never been really good with kids, so I'll be a horrible aunt!" I rambled, standing up shakily.

"It's okay, Izaya-chan! Izaya-chan will be a great aunt! Tobi promises!" He cheered, jumping up to hug me again. Gentler this time, but still enough to almost land me on my ass.

"Thank you Tobi." I laughed nervously, now embarrassed by my display of tears. If it was anyone but Tobi... Well, Sasori at least would tell me to shut up.

"Let's go inside, okay, Izaya-chan?" He picked up the coffees, holding out his free hand for me.

I giggled, grabbing my phone and coffee before slipping my arm through his and opening the door. I took a steadying drink of the chocolately goodness and smiled.

Tobi and I walked up to my bedroom silently, but he handed me the coffees when we reached the door, darting back downstairs with his own cup.

Presumably because someone would be annoyed he had coffee.

Oh, well. Sucks for them. I had a ADHD younger brother, I could deal with Tobi on caffeine.

I shrugged, stepping into my room. Sasori apparently had started changing the boys, but Tohro still sat on my bed, glancing around curiously. I ignored all the males in the room for the time being, setting down the coffee on my bedside table and gently picking her up.

I skipped onto my closet. "What do you want to wear? I have tons of extras and they're mostly designer, so pick!" I grinned, waving around the room for emphasis. I placed her on the floor so she could look around, turned to my phone.

I was playing Angry Birds when the kitty made a mewing noise, clawing at something to my right.

It was a pretty silver summer dress that I bought on a shopping trip in Tennessee a few years back.

At the time, I had long flowing hair that reached my waist, and I liked the way it made me look like a princess. It was the wrong cut for my choppy bob though.

"Fabulous! Let us go, Tohru!" I cheered, plucking it off the hanger and scooping Tohru into my arms once again. I dashed to my dresser specialized for underthings, picking out lacy white panties (becuase any other color would show through) and a matching strapless bra for her. She nodded in approval as I held them up.

I ignored the stares burning a hole in my head as I pounded on the bathroom door. "Sasori-Danna! Get your cranky ass out here and let me make Tohru pretty!"

There was a snort from inside, and Sasori's head popped out, glaring at me. "I'm not taking orders from a brat." He stared simply, and slammed the door in my face. It made a clicking noise as it locked.

Looking down at Tohru, I smiled peacefully. "That ass thinks a locked door will keep me out of my own bathroom?" My words sounded anything but peaceful.

I whipped out my trusty phone, clicking the unlock button and shutting off the water. I locked it so that even if he tried to turn it back on it wouldn't do a thing. I smirked to myself, taking a few steps back to be safe. "Take that, Flameo."

The annoyed redhead opened the door again, glaring at me. "What did you do?" My smirk widened as I waved my phone in the air. "I am the Fearless Leader! I can do whatever I damn well please."

He looked murderous. I giggled, taking a sip of my coffee. "Can I make Torhu pretty now, or are you going continue to be a meany?"

"Are you five?" He growled, looking beyond pissed in his own little emotionless way. It was actually pretty cute.

I pretended to think about, tilting my head to the side and furrowing my brow. "Nope!" "Why do you call yourself Fearless Leader, un?"

"Because I'm a second generation Fearless Leader of the clarinets!" I replied with a disarming smile to the young blonde that had asked. God, he had gorgeous hair.

But the ponytail!? Tight ponytails are not good for your hair! They weaken the hair itself and make it brittle, which eventually leads to split ends! The horror.

"What's a clarinet?" Kisame asked leaning against my bed post.

I huffed, petting Tohru behind the ears. "I'll answer questions later! I have to make Tohru look pretty for Kyo, and y'all have to change the rest of the boys into people. Use the bathroom down stairs and... Where the hell is Hida-chan!?

"Wait, never mind. I don't care, don't let him touch any knives or my guns. I'll kill him later." I glared at Sasori until he moved, and swaggered into my large bathroom.

"Get the hell out," I told the other leftover kitties kindly. Some of them glared, but they did listen after Kyo made an odd hissing noise. I nodded at him gratefully, closing the door behind them.

"Let's do this thing."

~~~~~magic~time~skipping~line!~~~~

"Are you sure this is necessary, Jess-chan?"

I nodded seriously at the blue haired beauty in front of me, fixing the last bit of her hair.

There. Absolutely perfect.

"OKAY. I'm done. Don't you dare move until I get the right shoes though okay?" I squealed, dashing into my closest again to grab a pair of strappy silver heals I got from Victoria's Secret.

Konan sighed when I showed them to her. "What if I trip?"

"Oh, please. You're a ninja. If I can do six inch heals with a platform, you can deal with three." I growled, narrowing my eyes slightly at the blue-ette.

Konan rolled her expertly made up eyes, and slipped into the shoes.

I smiled at the finished product of my work. "You look gorgeous! You'll have Kyo begging." I cheered, clapping my hands like a child.

"I doubt that." She murmured, waking toward the door.

I slipped in front of her, selecting the speaker button on my phone. "Is everyone tuned back now, Danna?" I asked, leaning against the door so Konan couldn't escape.

She shot me a look, inspecting her newly painted nails.

"We've been waiting fifteen minutes, brat." He growled from the other side of the door.

That annoyed me. I sighed angrily, snapping back, "Shut it. You're so lucky Tarah likes your flat ass or we'd have some extra firewood for the winter."

Several others in the room chuckled, and I took this as my cue for Konan's grand dramatic entrance. I flung the door open, curtseying in place elegantly. "I give you, Konan, the new and designer-ed." I purred, stepping out of the way for Konan to enter.

While they watched her in wonder, I was analyzing the unfamiliar faces. There was a tan man with stitches all over that I assumed was originally Kevin, Sasori, a plant-like guy with half black and half white face, a black haired guy that I would totally put on the list, Kisame, Hida-chan, the leader looking person with piercings all over his face, and the blonde one with gorgeous hair.

Tobi was poking him in the arm, asking his 'sempai' what's wrong.

All in all, I have to say the hotness overrode any weird quirks they had.

"Tobi!" I barked, successfully getting everyone's attention. "Sweetheart, Izaya-chan is hungry. Can you to get Izaya-chan one of the pudding cups she was eating yesterday?" I asked sweetly, switching to third person out of habit.

Tobi nodded vigorously, "Sure, Izaya-chan! Tobi is a good boy!" I smiled pleasantly as he darted out of the room, and then glared at the blonde, "You." I stated, pointing at his chest, "Owe me, Nemo. You two, Kyo! I made Tohru aka Konan look pretty!"

Kyo glared coolly at me, "We are staying here correct?"

"I think I deserve a back story, don't you? I mean, there are ten supposedly S-ranked criminals in my house and Sasori could probably kill me quite easily." I shrugged, casually placing my hands behind my back, where there was a small handgun tucked into the side of my bra.

I was a little OCD about my safety, okay? I got my concealed weapons permit just before I started working at the strip club.

Hida-chan laughed, "Any of us could kill you, bitch."

"You're immortal, right?" I asked curiously, slipping the gun into my hand stealthily. Harle had said something about a masochistic immortal. I noticed that the black haired one was watching my hand carefully, already anticipating me trying something.

"Hell yeah!" He replied cockily. I glanced at Pein, silently asking of it was okay for me to test that theory. He smirked, nodding.

Grinning wickedly, I whipped out my gun, aiming directly at his head. "Are you are you wanna be like that, Hida-chan?" I mocked.

He growled, going to take a step towards me.

**BAM**.

The shot echoed through the room as I giggled, blowing smoke from the barrel like some sort of cheesy 007 movie. "Don't get blood on my sheets, bitch." I snapped, walking closer to my bed to make sure he didn't.

I settled down on my fluffy Sesshomaru fur wrap thing. It looked just like his! Plus, it was the most comfortable thing I've ever slept on. The members of the Akatsuki watched me curiously, probably questioning my decision to lower my guard around them.

I took out my phone, waiting for someone to speak. There was a long enough pause that I started playing Temple Run again. It was an obsession.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped, and suddenly my little character was flying off a cliff and there was a snarky note telling me to watch my step. "Dammit! You killed me!" I hissed, looking over my shoulder to glare at Kisame.

He simply raised his eyebrows and poked my shoulder, showing that I was in fact still alive. Bastard.

"I'm playing a game. Basically you just have this little character and you have to make them survive as long as possible. You get bonus points for collecting the gold things."

I grabbed his hands, showing him how to tilt the screen properly and .moving your thumbs to jump and duck. The rest of the Akatsuki was trying to pretend like they weren't paying attention.

"What's the point of this?" Sasori asked calmly.

I shrugged, snickering as Kisame got eaten by the demon things. "There really isn't a point. It's just entertaining when your house is full of anti-social criminals. There's also the Internet, which you're not allowed to see."

"Why not, un?"

I gave the blond a dire look, "What's your name?"

He looked confused. "Deidara, yeah."

"Casteil! Hand my the phone for two seconds while I thoroughly embarrass Deidara." I was just going off my fangirl instincts.

Sasori and Deidara were probably a shipped couple, right? I mean who doesn't want to ship two reasonably attractive, if not mean and sarcastic, males?

Not that I was getting back at Sasori for being a meany or anything. No!

I opened my safari, typing DeidaraXSasori into the search bar.

"I wouldn't look if I were you, Sasori. I only want to annoy Deidara. Not you. Right now, at least." I warned, hesitantly clicking in the 'images' category.

The first image didn't disappoint. I smirked, nearly shoving the phone in Deidara's smug face. He immediately paled and started twitching his fingers as if he wanted to falcon punch the picture out of existence.

"And so, we don't venture onto the Internet becuase there are crazy fangirls that want to have your babies in this world. Got it?" I concluded, closing that tab so no one else had to go through that trauma.

Deidara still wasn't responding.

"Hey, where's-" I started, cutting off when Tobi burst through the door, holding my pudding cup in his hand. He also had several of my special candy bars for... That time of the month if you will. It's not that I really crave chocolate, but I'm a horrible person, so if anyone questions my eating entire chocolate bar, I just play the 'I'm a girl' card.

It's a very convincing excuse that most men won't question.

Tobi handed me the pudding cup, probably smiling under his mask, "Izaya-chan is happy now?"

I smiled, leaning over to kiss the side of his mask. "Izaya-chan is very happy, Tobi-kun!"

Konan giggled, while Hida-chan and Deidara scoffed.

I glared at them, pulling Tobi onto the bed next to me. "You're just jealous Tobi's a sweetie pie that gets to cuddle with such a pretty girl." I wrapped my arms around Tobi protectively, glaring at anyone who looked at him the wrong way.

Tobi laughed, hugging me back excitedly. "Tobi is a good boy, Izaya-chan!"

Leaning back against my fluffy fur pillow and Tobi, I nodded, slowly peeling back the wrapper of my vanilla pudding. "So, what were you doing earlier, Hida-chan?"

He smirked, still holding the bullet wound in his head. "Well, you didn't fucking feed me yesterday."

I narrowed my eyes at him, huffing loudly. "Tool."

Kisame snickered, settling down on the foot of my bed. I poked his side with my foot, laughing to myself at his expression.

Pulling one of Tobi's arms around my shoulders, I leaned into him, looking at the rest of the Alatsuki speculatively. "My name's Jess, Jessie, Jessica, whatever. Only Tobi-kun and Harle are allowed to call me Izaya."

"I am Pein, the leader of the Akatsuki." The orange haired guy with all the piercings said calmly, nodding his head ever so slightly. "This is Itachi and Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan, Zetsu, and finally Sasori and Deidara." He rattled them off in partnerships, pointing them out for me.

I looked at Zetsu pleading, "Can I still call you Death The Kid?"

"I don't really care. **If you do, I'll eat you.** Don't be mean! **How is that ****_mean_****? She just attacked Hidan**." He answered.

"I doubt vegetarians are very tasty. Not to mention that most of my diet is composed of sugar and pasta, Kid." I took a lick of my pudding to prove that point.

It didn't escape my notice that the blondie was watching me. I also realized no one had touched thier coffee.

I stretched lazily, still not moving my comfy spot on Tobi. Grabbing the coffee proved difficult, but I did find out they were still hot. I handed it silently to Kisame, and Deidara, taking a sip of Hidan's for myself.

Bastard totally didn't deserve coffee.

Especially coffee made by Tarah. Suddenly remembering something, I snapped my fingers together. "Danna! Have you guys seen the roof yet?"

"No." Sasori narrowed his eyes a little, while Deidara seemed confused.

"He's my Danna, un!" The blonde finally spat out, pouting at me.

It was so cute I could've puked rainbows. And I'm not being snarky. "Awwwww! Dei, you look so bloody cute!" I teased lightly, reaching over to flick his bangs out of his eye.

Sasori smirked, watching as his partner tried to fix his hair while glaring daggers at me. "Don't touch my hair, woman! I know it's gorgeous and all, yeah."

I laughed, shaking my head at his naivety, "Oh. Please. It is a pretty color, but I'd say Itachi has you beat on actual hair care, and I make my living off this kind of thing, honey. I know what I'm talking about."

Diedara scowled. Hidan and Kisame both started laughing, the latter shaking the bed.

"I feel like I forgot what I was talking about..." I pouted, looking up at Tobi's masked face.

"Tobi knows! You were taking about the roof!"

I smiled. "Yeah, Danna, you should go check out the roof one of these days. Tarah and I decorated the tree tops, but you can't see it unless your up high enough."

"The girl at the coffee shop?" Sasori replied dryly, trying to look uninterested.

_'Bitch please. We both know you would jump her,'_ Bad Jessica yelled internally.

I had to bury my head in Tobi's stomach to keep from laughing. "Liar! You know exactly who I'm talking about," I snickered, picturing Sasori's expression while talking to my baby clarinet.

The redhead didn't seem to approve of my reaction, but a harsh glare from Pein prevented him from attacking me.

I had to hold back my smug grin, instead taking another lick of my pudding. Tobi laughed for no apparent reason, tightening his grip around my waist. I looked up curiously, blinking at him owlishly.

"Izaya-chan has pudding on her nose!" He giggled childishly.

I blushed, trying to get it off with my tongue. I couldn't reach. "Damn. Deidara! Go make yourself useful and get me a paper towel." I ordered the blonde.

"As if, un! Do it yourself."

I sighed. "I'm much too lazy to go all the way downstairs for a paper towel. You're the ninja for god's sake. Shouldn't you be more active than me? I'm tiiiired." I dragged it out like a little kid, pouting slightly.

"Why the hell would you be tired? You've done nothing all day, yeah."

"That is so not true, you brat! You realize how much work it is to make Konan look so pretty?" I demanded, quickly adding, "Not that you're not a natural beauty, sweetie."

Deidara scoffed. "You put makeup on her. That's not work, hmm."

I growled, feeling my anger taking over. No one questions how much work it takes to make someone pretty. It's an art! Not everyone can do it either some people get one look that works for them and keeps it the same for the rest of their boring lives.

"Not work? I make fucking art! Seriously, she has, on her eyelids alone, seven different colors and a base! See the gradient lips? That's four more, you bastard! I doubt you could even get her foundation to be the right color, let alone any concealer! Added to the fact you're mister split ends over there, you're opinion is completely mute!" I snapped, narrowing my eyes at the stupid blonde boy.

Deidara lunged for my throat.


	4. Chapter 4 Tobi time!

**Yeah! I get it introduce another OC, who will, I assure you come into play again later. I swear. (thanks go to Sunshine-Girl234!) We also some flipping foreshadowing and Tobi time! **

**Deidara; How is that a good thing? Tobi's annoying, yeah. **

**Me; Just get back into the corner where you belong. **

**Deidara; You really need to explain what that is exactly, un.**

**Me; Just connect the dots, sweetheart. It ain't that complicated.**

**Deidara;...Oh! You mean like... Yeah. Never mind. You're a prevent, hmm. **

**Me; I know, and you love it.**

***oh, and another thing, I still have spots available for OC's. Just PM me and whatnot. We might even end up becoming friends!***

* * *

Considering the fact I have ten criminals now living in my house, this morning has been pretty... Calm.

Comparatively speaking.

I woke up cuddling my fluffy fur, with one of Tobi's arms wrapped around my waist. I was sleeping on my side, curled up against his side and my blanket. It was safe to say, however, unlike in most fanfics I've read, I absolutely flipped out.

"Holy fuck!" I screeched, jerking away from the masked guy that somehow got into my bed in the middle of the night. Much like the day before, I ended up on the floor but this time, I ended up knocking another person to the floor.

None other than Kisame. I almost died.

"What the hell are you two doing in my room!?"

"I was coming in to get you up so you could show me how to make coffee." Kisame explained quickly, looking embarrassed. Not that I blame him, what with a half naked girl just _casually_ leaning against his legs.

"Tobi had nightmares and Deidara-sempai wouldn't cuddle with me! So, Tobi came to cuddle with Izaya-chan!" Tobi chirped, sounding a lot like head been awake for quite a while.

That bloody creeper.

Sighing, I looked at the clock to see it was only ten, which meant I had another two hours before I was meant to report to work. I could've gotten way more sleep.

"Fine. Let's go, Kisame. It's really not that hard to figure out."

I explained it to them, Itachi and Kisame, quickly, and settled with my own cup outside on my porch, wrapped in my Sesshomaru fur. It was fricken comfy my friends.

Ot was too bad I didn't get to watch a pretty sunrise like in all the romance novel covers. It was rather disappointing, but I did enjoy the killer view I have of the woods. My iPod was blasting one of my favorite songs, and I was happy.

Whistling along to the cheerful beat, I spun around dizzily in my chair, now finished with my coffee. After this point, my morning was a little strange.

I was hit by a sudden urge to clean, which was probably caused by seeing the mess the criminals made in my kitchen. OCD Jessie almost cried at the sight.

Of course, being that I had to clean, I also had to create an entire new playlist just for cleaning.

I dashed into my room, changing from my sleeping outfit into a fabulous cleaning outfit consisting of my oldest pair of short shorts and a camisole that was bleached from chlorine. My hair was tied back into a short bunny tail, my bangs clipped back from my face.

The entire Akatsuki was completely silent when I darted back into the kitchen, my phone clutched in my hand as I pressed the first song.

I clamored onto the counter, glaring at Sasori as I placed my phone on the top most part of the kitchen, over the cupboards. "You don't touch my Alex, puppet-boy." I growled, referring to the song playing loudly through my kitchen. All Time Low, Jasey Rae, lovelies. _I've never told a lie and that makes me a liar_ was basically my catch phrase since eighth grade.

"You named your phone?" Konan asked curiously.

"No. The sexy boy singing right now is named Alex. He's also on The List." I replied, ducking under the sink to grab a rag for cleaning and 'multi purpose' cleaning supplies.

Konan was blushing when I looked back up, and all the males in the room looked utterly confused.

"Jessie, you really shouldn't say such things!" She sighed.

"It's so very true though, my dear! He's just so adorable and lovable. Just like Kisame!" I trilled, neatly putting away all the ingredients the Akatsuki got out for dinner/breakfast so I could properly clean everything.

"Izaya-chan! Is Tobi adorable too?"

I smiled. "When he isn't sneaking into Izaya-chan's bed late at night! You're a tool, by the way, Deidara."

"Why, un? It's not my fault the idiot got scared."

This launched a rather irksome debate on whether or nor Deidara was in fact, a tool.

"How about you guys all get out of the kitchen so I can clean, and I'll put on the Hunger Games?" I reasoned, quickly becoming irritated by their side conversations.

"Hunger Games?"

I smiled maliciously, shivering slightly. "Oh, you guys'll love it! Especially once they get to the arena. It's this great movie about twenty four kids that get put into an arena for a fight to the death... While I'm going to be singing along fairly loudly and cleaning."

Pein shrugged, "How do we watch this movie?" "

Netflix, my dear Akatsuki Leader." I lead them to the living room, showing them how to fire up my wii and start Netflix. I pressed the Hunger Games, warning Pein that he should approve of everything the guys want to watch before they watch it. They were the Akatsuki after all.

I cleaned for the next hour and a half, barely having enough time to put on my make up and get dressed in time. "Bye guys! I'll be home at about eight, I'd you get hungry before then, you can make your own food. This excludes, Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi, becuase I don't trust you with my oven. Got it?"

"Would you like one of us to accompany you?" Pein responded, glancing up from Katniss and Rue cuddling in a tree. I felt a twinge in my heart, knowing that Rue died in less than fifteen minutes.

"Tobi. Let's go." I decided, sparing him from certain tears. Call me emotional, but I did shed a tear or two, while Harle was completely bawling beside me. She later made me swear my secrecy.

Tobi looked up, "Really Izaya-chan? You want Tobi to come?"

I nodded, holding out my hand. Tobi darted to my side, enveloping me a bear hug. "Thank you Izaya-chan! Tobi is a good boy! Don't worry leader, Tobi will protect Izaya-chan with his life!"

"Of course." Pein nodded, giving Tobi a meaningful look. I wasn't sure exactly what it meant, but, I knew it was something. An order maybe?

Whatever. I shrugged it off, "Come on, Tobi. You can help us at the registration desk."

"Tobi is a good boy!"

Nodding, I held out my hand for him, yanking on my boots with the other. Tobi grabbed my hand, squeezing lightly. "Come on!" I cheered, not looking back as I ran out the door, dragging Tobi along with me.

Tobi was adamant about getting on my motorcycle until I questioned his ninja-ness, which made him jump on faster than I could see. I had to squint to convince myself he really just did that.

"Okay." I smiled, leaning forward to peck his masked cheek. "Tobi is a good boy!"

Tobi paused, grabbing my wrist lithely and pulling me closer until I was nearly sitting on his lap. I gasped lightly in surprise, trying not to blush like the total idiot I am. "Tobi thinks Izaya-chan is a good girl, too!" He murmured lowly.

I could've sworn he was smirking under that bright swirly mask of his. I looked away, scowling lightly. "Are you teasing Izaya-chan, Tobi?" I growled, attempting not to look like a middle school girl yelling at her crush. My reaction was scarily similar.

"No! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi would never tease Izaya-chan." Was it just me or was that last part completely sarcastic and mocking?

I huffed, yanking on my Celty helmet and settling down in front of him on the bike. I quickly grabbed his arms, manually pulling both of them around my own waist, suddenly very thankful that he couldn't see the blush now dusting my cheeks.

My foot hit the gas, and we shot off.

_Why the hell am I am reacting like this with Tobi_? Sasori is hot, and I didn't react at all! I growled, speeding up slightly in anger. Towards myself, I think. Or maybe a little bit towards Tobi, just for being the way he is.

I suppose it could be maternal. My liking for Tobi. Just in the small amount of time I've known the Akatsuki, I've grown rather fond of their various attitude problems. Even Deidara, who seemed to be plotting to kill me after his failed attempt yesterday.

Course, then again, the only reason it failed is because Kisame and Itachi moved in front of me, glaring at the younger blonde fiercely after he lunged for my throat. Deidara had enough intelligence not to cross Casteil!

"Hey, Tobi! You think Kisame would be annoyed that Casteil is an angel?" I yelled over the wind, dropping one of my hands to poke his arm.

Without a moments hesitation, Tobi threaded his fingers through mine. He laughed, "Kisame-kun would think it's funny, Izaya-chan!"

I drove the rest of the way one handed, laughing as Tobi buried his face in my back when we turned.

I gently untwined our hands as we came to the beauty parlor, sliding off my bike gracefully. "Let's to Tobi, you can meet some of my friends!" I smiled sweetly, tugging him along by the fabric on his wrist. He seemed most comfortable in one of my pure black Under Armour that I used for bad weather during marching season.

Tobi was silently taking in the surroundings, walking very close to me. I opened the door for him, jerking my chin at the front desk. Tobi understood this, and darted to the desk.

Amanda blinked in surprise, looking at me quizzically, "Is it bring your... Cosplayer to work today or something?"

"Ehhh... No? This is my new roommate, Tobi. He's just gonna hang around while I work. He could probably do some work too, fetch things for you and whatnot." I replied, shrugging our of my jacket with a slight smile. I had one of my many tank tops on under it, because today was my cutting hair day, so I would just throw on a smock over it. This one said, 'trust me, I'm the doctor."

Tobi watched me, head tilted to the side curiously, "What does Izaya-chan do for work?"

"Izaya-chan makes people pretty!" I cheered, clapping my hands together.

The masked man giggled, grabbing one of my hands. "You make art like Sempai!?"

I ignored the warm, fuzzy feeling of having someone hold my hand, favoring a small smile. "Yes, Tobi! I make art out of people."

Tobi seemed contented by this, and for the rest of my shift he ran around the place, entertaining the customers with strange questions and all around cuteness. I was, however, completely dead tired, by the time my last costumer showed up.

"Alexandra!"

"Jessica." She replied, giving me a small smile as she settled into my customers chair.

I grinned, completely used to her... Alex-ness. "So, you want a trim too?" S

he shook her head, "No. Just fix up the roots, okay? I have a gig later tonight." Allow me to explain, Alex over here is a DJ. As far as I know, her stepdad was the one to teach her how to be a proper Disk Jockey, and she started her own business from there. She also shared my obsession with Dr. Who and several other animes.

"Oh! What for?" I asked, trying to get the right mix for the bleach. It was actually harder than it sounded, I mean, if you get the wrong percent you can accidentally kill the hair. Not cool, to say the least.

"Last minute schedule change, so I'm DJ-ing LemonJello's."

LemonJello's was a huge club one town away, and in short, it was a big deal for her to get a gig there. I laughed in delight, "Really? That's so cool. You wouldn't mind Harle and I stopping by, would you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course. Why would I want you there? It's not like I just told you where and when it's happening or anything."

"Alex!" I pouted, leaning her head back. Alexandra complied silently, closing her eyes. I smiled lightly, tilting my head to the side as I concentrated. Virgin hair was harder to dye.

We lapsed into silence as I finished bleaching and added the red and blonde streaks in her dark brown hair. For someone that dyes their hair, Alex had rather soft hair.

"Izaya-chan! Tobi is hungry. Can we go home soon?"

I jumped slightly, glaring at Tobi. "Tobi! Izaya-chan is working right now. If you sit down and stay quiet, I'll let you play with my phone."

Tobi plopped into the chair next to Alex, holding his hand put expectantly.

I sighed, glancing at Alex, who's deep forest green eyes were now open. Handing the phone to Tobi, I looked at Alex expectantly. I knew what was coming.

"Why is he wearing the same mask as the psychopath on Naruto?" She asked calmly, brows furrowing.

I blinked slowly, shaking my head. "Tobi. Tobi is a psychopath?" I started laughing, holding into the counter for support. "He.. He couldn't... Don't make me laugh so hard, Alex!"

Alex laughed, shaking her head. "Seriously though. Why?"

"Alex, meet Tobi. Tobi this is Alexandra. Don't tackle her with your affection, please." I started drying her hair, hoping that I had waited long enough for the dye to set in.

Tobi giggled, holding out his free hand. Alex hesitated slightly before returning the gesture, her face wiped clean of any expression.

I wondered what she meant about the psychopathic comment. Alex did watch Naruto more than me. I just knew the basics of the first season.

"I'm need to wash out the dye, Alex." I reminded her, pointing to the sink on the other side of the room.

Alex blew air out of her lips, looking like a pufferfish for a split second, not bothering to stand to get over there. She pushed off the floor, making the roller things on the chair do all the work.

I rolled my eyes, quickly rinsing out the dye.

"So, are you going to Lemonjello's?" She asked, breaking the awkward silence we had started.

"Harle is, I texted her just after you mentioned it," I shrugged. "I don't think the Akatsuki would want to go clubbing with me though, so, probably not. I don't think blondie is even old enough to get in... Tobi, how old is your sempai?"

"Deidara-sempai is seventeen!"

"Yup. He's jailbait." I deadpanned.

Alex snorted with laughter, Tobi joining in, although he clearly had no idea why. I snickered.

"Okay. Well, I'm gonna head out. You can ask Amanda if you want your nails done." I held my hand out for Tobi, smiling sweetly at Alex.

Tobi and I walked to the front of the store, until a certain masked Akatsuki yanked me backwards. Tobi laughed, "Izaya-chan needs to take off her shirt and get her jacket, remember?"

I blushed, knowing fully well that he meant that innocently, but still taking it in the worst way. I stretched my arms back, trying to grab the string that kept my smock on. "Damn," I murmured, feeling the string brush the tips of my fingers.

Amanda laughed. "Don't you have this problem everyday? Just come over here and let me fix it for you!"

I sighed, going rigid as a pair of hands brushed mine away, quickly untying the loose knot.

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi will fix it for Izaya-chan!" There it was again. That tone that made me think he was mocking me... And strangely enough, I kind of liked it.

"Y-yeah. Let's go Tobi-kun!" I pursed my lips, still managing to keep the blush off my face. Damn him! I don't even know what he looks like for God's sake.

I took a more out of the way route home, deciding to stop at the pet store for more fish food on the way.

I swear Tobi was trying to kill is the entire time, because he kept breathing on the back if my neck and 'accidentally' tickling my hip bone. Bastard.

Finally, we reached the pet shop, where Tobi wanted to look at absolutely everything. I swear if I hear, 'Izaya-chan, isn't this cute?' one more time, Tobi is going to die.

Added to the fact he also did that tickling and breathing on my neck thing on the way home?

Walking into my house, it was safe to say all the Akatsuki could sense my bloodlust. I was positively feral. "Tobi. Go to sleep. Now." I growled, pinching the bridge of my nose. There was only so far my patience could go until I ended up going into bitch mode.

Tobi laughed, "Tobi is a good boy!"

"Didja have fun at work, un?" Deidara taunted from his spot on _my_ couch, cuddling _my_ blanket

I glared at him, "If you wanna keep that sad excuse for a pony tail, you'd best shut the hell up."

The blonde smirked, clearly very confident in his abilities to keep his hair. "You think you could catch a ninja?"

Cocky son is a chicken. I soundlessly marched to the cabinet, grabbing my favorite sparkly gray lighter. Walking slowly up the stairs to my loft, I found not only several leftover illegal foreworks, but also Sasori and Itachi.

Itachi was reading one of my grandfather's books, and Sasori was staring blankly at the wall. He could've been sleeping with his eyes open for all I know.

I grinned at the weasel man, motioning towards the bookshelf. "Catcher in the Rye is one of my personal favorites." Turning to Sasori, "Danna, I hope you're not to found of that blonde fool, because I'm gonna light his ass on fire."

Itachi nodded, while Sasori nodded slightly, not bothering to break his staring contest with the wall. _I wonder who's going to win? The wall or the puppet_. I mused, smiling to myself.

There was silence as I walked back down the stairs with a self-satisfied smirk plastered across my face. "Kisame?" I asked sweetly.

"What?" His eyes narrowed slightly, clearly noticing my sickly sweet tone as unusual.

"Grab the brat for me. Jailbait needs to learn who's the Fearless Leader around here." I replied sassily, waving my dearest fireworks around.

Deidara allowed Kisame to drag him outside, his overconfident smirk unwavering. Pein, Konan, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame of course all stayed to watch how exactly I would show Deidara what's up.

"Dei-kun? Do you remember what Harle said about my thing for fire?" I winked, pulling him away from Kisame.

Deidara snorted, shaking his head. "Do you remember that I'm a bomber, un?" He retorted.

"Then you'll like this!" I cheered, grinning. "I'm trusting you to hold this, and you're not allowed to let go. If you do, I'll get Hidan to fetch me rope from the garage. Got it?"

Deidara really was overconfident in his ninja abilities. He actually laughed, holding out his hand. I handed him the starburst firework, grinning maliciously.

"Now don't move until I say so, 'kay, Jailbait?" I giggled, flicking on my lighter. The starburst took about thirty seconds to go off, mostly because after lighting it you're supposed to shoot it into the sky, but whatever. Deidara's single visible blue eye widened when I lit the firework up, but he didn't show any signs of fear.

Yet. Dun, dun, duuuuuun. And yes, I can have dramatic music in my head if I damn well please.

I giggled, darting several feet away with Kisame's wrist in my hand. I hid behind him while we waited, not quite sure how far away we'd need before it was considered "safe".

The Akatsuki watched with mild interest as Deidara held the firework, now looking bored.

**Bam!**

Kisame stiffened slightly, protectively moving in front of me as a melody of reds and yellows filled the air.

Awwww. I thought, leaning against his giant arm. The way I saw it, it was rather cute he wanted to protect me. Hidan was laughing, very loudly.

Deidara grunted, gritting his teeth together. "What the hell, un!? You tryin' to kill me with my own art?"

I ignored his bitching. "Well, that was fun. I'm going to sleep." I put my arms above my head, yawning. "If you're a good boy, Deidara, Fearless Leader might let you have a firework not as a punishment."

No one bothered to stop me when I darted away, laughing quietly to myself. Hidan continued his crazy laughter, and Deidara ground out several cuss words after me.

Tobi was 'asleep' in my bed, my Sesshoumaru fur half curled around his body. I was too tired to care at this point and just laid down next to him, pulling the rest of the fur around myself.

I say asleep with ' ' whatever the hell those all called, because as soon as I closed my eyes, Tobi just so happened to shift closer to my side of the bed and wrap his warm arms around my waist.

_You're such an idiot_, I thought affectionately. I laughed a little, snuggling closer.

The childish ninja buried his unmasked face in my hair, probably smirking. That night, it was surprisingly easy to fall asleep.

Although unbeknownst to me, Tobi just wanted to hear me talk in my sleep again.

~~~~magic-time~~skip-line~~~~

"If you can wait till I get home, then I swear to you, that we can this last. If you can wait till I get then I swear come tomorrow this'll all be in our past... Well, it might be for the best."

I groaned.

Damn you, whoever's calling me! Tobi's arm was still securely wrapped around my waist, which I very gently slipped out of. Checking to make sure he was still sound asleep, I noticed that he slept with the blanket covering his face. Cute.

The chorus started again, and I finally picked up the phone. "What?" I hissed, slowly walking out of the room. I glanced at the time, nearly throwing the fucking phone out the window.

Three twenty-seven.

"Baby, is that really the way you want to greet me?" The cocky voice on the other end laughed, clearly enjoying my distress.

My heart dropped as I snarled, stepping around a sleeping Kisame in my living room to get to the front door. I quietly shut the door behind me, and continued walking to the end of my driveway.

"What the hell do you want!?"

"Well, I'm not sure if you know, but I'm going to be the best man in your brothers wedding." He taunted maliciously. I could hear the smile in his voice.

...?

I guess that's what my brother wanted to tell me? After I flipped out over the whole _I got a girl I've been dating for two months pregnant _thing of course. Too bad I hung up on him...

"Why would I fucking care, Luke?" I sneered, trying to hide my panic and discomfort. It would just give him more ammunition. God knows he doesn't need anymore of that.

The ex with jealously issues? Yes, my friends. This is the same bitter young man that I mentioned earlier. I swear he sold his soul or something right after we broke up. I mean, my choice in men clearly isn't the best, but he wasn't nearly as bad when we were first starting to date.

"I figured you be lonely in that big house of your's, and I'm lookin for a place to stay while I'm in town for the wedding." His tone made me think that he thought he already knew the answer and asking was some sort of formality.

I settled down on the cement at the end of my driveway, staring down at the river that ran beneath it. Well, I suppose it's a 'creek,' but in my Pocahontas world it's a river, dammit.

Glaring at the algae, an idea popped into my head. "Where are you? Right now." I asked calmly, faking a pleasant attitude towards his imminent arrival. It wouldn't surprise me if the bastard was already on the way.

"A little anxious, are we, Jessie-bear?" He teased. I gagged at his 'sweet' tone. Personally, if I had a choice between that and listening to Justin Beiber for the next hour, I'd go with the beaver.

"I asked you a fucking question, now answer it." Pissy Jessie had officially awakened from her hibernation.

Luke sighed dramatically, "Whatever. I'm going to be landing at about four o'clock later today. So, unless you want to meet me at the airport, I'll be by your place at about five thirty. Got it, bitch?"

He always had a way with words, that Luke. And forethought. It was nice of him to give me twelve hours heads up. Please note the damn sarcasm.

"Oh, Luke. If you show your sorry ass 'round here anytime in the next millennia, you better believe you're going to regret it. Got it, ya little fuck?" I growled, hanging up as soon as I finished.

I knew it wouldn't stop anything.

He would still show up at four and expect me to play the good little girlfriend he still thinks I am.

_And I would sick my Akatsuki on his ass, and then he'd be dead._ Pissy Jessie literally purred in delight, flashing blood stained claws in the back of my mind.

'Father.' She snarled, grinning.

I shuddered, quickly locking that thought back in its designated closet. Turning my attention back to the water below me, a flicker of red caught my attention.

"Danna. What brings you here?" I greeted, glancing over my shoulder calmly, face emotionless as the puppet I was talking to.

"Why are you crying and radiating bloodlust?" He narrowed his brown eyes, hand making a motion to my cheek.

I whipped off my tears, pouting slightly. I didn't even know I was crying. Dammit! I took a deep breath, pulling myself to my feet. "Because I'm annoyed and pissed off and I just want to punch something really bad." I rushed.

Sasori smirked, crouching down slightly. "Would you like to spare?"

"...spare? As in we try to beat the hell out of each other without any deadly intents? You do realize you're a ninja, right?"

"I thought I was a dango salesmen." He deadpanned. Oh, so the puppet can use sarcasm too? Sasori just gained a few points in my mind, and a sassier edge.

I shrugged, laughing lightly."How about instead of a one sided, two second fight... You be my teacher?"

Sasori was quiet, eyes sweeping my figure. "Come on, brat. Don't keep me waiting," He decided.

My Cheshire Cat grin was infectious, as Sasori gave me a small, heart-stopping smirk. One that would so perfectly compliment that of a shy brunette he met yesterday. You could say I approved, or could cal me a crazy fangirl of this developing relationship that niether partied knew anything about.

Yet..

You can just hear the evil laughter can't you? I bet you can see me petting a snow white cat too. I've never understood why evil people all have cats though. And cats don't even like me... I'm getting off topic.

"Do I have to call you sensei then, Sasori-Danna?"


	5. Chapter 5 My girl?

**Hidan; It's been a week, bicth, what the hell? **

**Me; Thank you, Hidan, it's not like I'm the one writing the fucking story or anything. Go sit in the corner or something. **

**Deidara; ****_He's_**** in the corner too!? **

**Me; *shrugs innocently* He's in a lot of girls corners. If you know what I mean. **

**Hidan; What the fuck is the corner code for? **

**Me; Ita-kun! Get over here! You need to do the disclaimer. **

**Itachi; Hn. Jenna doesn't own the Akatsuki, or we'd be chained to a wall somewhere. Sorry.**

**Me; I'm not gonna bother defending that statement because it's partially true... Bye-bye! **

* * *

A flash of black in the kitchen window alerted me that someone else was now awake, and I started yelling again. "HEY, HELP ME OUT!" I screeched, weakly fighting against Sasori's grip on my wrists.

The stupid puppet was straddling me, leaning forward to pin my arms above my head and smirking at my completely helpless form. Not to mention my phone was digging into my hip, where Sasori was oh-so-kindly leaning against. Bastard.

I glared fiercely at him, panting slightly. I was outrageously tired from our however-long workout, and now Sasori has confirmed I could probably be a very, very low level genin.

We're talking not even first episode Naruto kind of skill level. Still, progress.

It did calm me down, in the sense the only thing I could think about right now was dragging myself back to Tobi's warm arms and falling asleep.

Emotionally, I was still beyond pissed, but it was more of a playful 'I hate you' towards Sasori as opposed to the 'I will force you down a slip-and-slide made of cheese graters and throw then you into a tank full of vicious sharks because piranhas are too quick a death for you', kind of hate I feel for Luke.

I told him this too, to which he responded by shaking his head and almost laughing. He looked like he was about to, and then stopped. Can you say disappointment?

Sasori relaxed slightly, but still not enough for me to escape while I stared the window down, waiting for the person to come back.

And before you ask, no. He will not allow me to go free even if I beg. I've already tried. His reply wasn't exactly school appropriate.

There! Someone at the window. "KAKUZU. COME HERE."

The man in question glanced out the window, clearly hearing my voice. When he saw us though, Sasori just shook his head, smirking down at me. "He's not going to help you."

"I suddenly understand why they call redheads 'soulless', my dear Danna." I growled back dryly.

Sasori looked back at the window, where we seemed to have attracted a crowd. Itachi, Kakuzu, Kisame and Pein all watched Sasori and I with interest.

"Hey! Pein-sama! Can you please control your children!?" I yelled, struggling to free my hands.

Pein stepped out onto the porch, looking mildly confused in his own emotionless kind of way. "Since when are the Akatsuki my children? Some of them are older than me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're babies are the Akatsuki, mine are the baby clarinets. It's basically the same thing," I would've waved my hand at him too, if not for the soulless puppet holding onto me. "Now, can you please make him get off so I can go cuddle with my Tobi? I'm like dead tired over here."

Pein blinked, "Your Tobi?"

I rolled my eyes at the Akatsuki leader, barely able to contain a scoff. "Yes. My Tobi, my Casteil, my Weasel-boy, my Kyo and Tohru. Just get him off!" I stressed, wriggling in my spot again.

Sasori used his free hand to roughly pinch my side, signaling for me to stop. I glared at him, yelping in pain. Pein shook his head, nodding at Sasori to finally get off me. "Why were you up so early anyway, Jess-san?"

"Please. Jessie, Jess. Jess-chan. Fearless Leader. Something! Don't be so formal. I'm going to go cuddle with your subordinate. I'll explain why Sasori felt compelled to best the hell out of me later." I stood up slowly, watching Sasori wearily.

He had a thing for waiting for me to lower my guard and jumping me. He's an ass like that.

As soon as I was sure he wouldn't attack me, I darted for the stairs, narrowly making it to the top before a pair of wooden arms wrapped around me, once again.

"Sasori! Get off me, you son of a chicken! I'm sleeping!"

"Sleeping?" Kisame inquired.

"Don't question me Castiel! I now have mad ninja skills and can probably kick your ass. Right Danna!?" I lied, pouting up at the gargantuan shark man.

Kisame chuckled, fluffing my black hair with one hand. "Sure, kid."

I tilted my head to the side, just barely missing his fingers with my teeth. Sasori let me to again, allowing me to very carefully sneak back into the house while they laughed at me. Finally!

I made a run for it, nearly colliding with Deidara in the process. "Dammit! Blondie, move. Jessie is sleeping!" I growled.

We did that awkward both step to the right both step to the left thing, which just annoyed me further. Deidara apparently got sick of it too, considering he roughly grabbed my shoulders, effectively keeping me in place while he stepped out of the way.

I yelped, making around similar to a puppy in pain when he grabbed my shoulders.

"Why happened, un? You trip down the stairs?" Deidara pulled down the top of my too big (and now grass stained) night shirt, revealing several bright red bruises that were started to turn an ugly purple.

"I wish. Your Danna's a jerk, yeah." I mimicked his speech thing. What's it called...? A verbal tic or something like that?

Deidara laughed, walking towards the kitchen.

I shrugged, dashing up the stairs on all fours. It made it easier not to fall, ya know? Anyway, Tobi was still asleep when I got back, his arms held in such a way it looked like he was waiting for my return. I giggled, covering the sound with my hand.

I debated just jumping into bed, but at least, I need a new shirt. Thank goodness I have a problem with leaving clothes all over the place, or I'd need to look in my closet, and it sounds to me like Konan is already in there.

Grabbing a discarded camisole off my windowsill, I yanked off my dirty short and traded it with the pink tank top. I pulled off my shorts, which were actually worse for wear than the shirt. Probably from tackling.

My body demanded I get some sleep before I attempted anything frivolous like _wearing pants_ in my own damn house.

I'm starting to sound like Harle.

Very sneakily, I crawled back into to bed with Tobi, pulling my Sesshoumaru fur under my neck like a pillow and pulling some of the blankets back to my side. I curled against his side, noting that he stirred slightly before wrapping his arms back around me, pulling me closer.

I smiled, looking up to see that the blanket had fallen down a little, revealing his dark hair and one of his closed eyes.

"...Tobi?" I whispered, looking at his face for the first time since being a kitten. Well, his being a kitten. I was never kitten.

Unless you count that one time for Halloween.

Never mind. Just disregard that comment... Thought?

Tobi's single eye opened, looking a little too alert for someone who was just sleeping. _Is he going to do this every morning_, I wondered.

"Izaya-chan came back!" He whispered, his voice still all husky from sleeping.

I resisted a shiver, smiling up at him. "Hey. You'd kick some ass for Izaya-chan, right Tobi-kun?"

Tobi chuckled, which in itself was rather off putting, considering he's always either full out laughing or giggling. He closed his eye(s?) again, one of his hands managing to find my hip bone.

I automatically started squirming, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Is Izaya-chan ticklish?" There it was again, his single black eye opening to look at me.

I shook my head stubbornly, pursing my lips together.

Tobi laughed, moving his hand to actually tickle me. "Is Izaya-chan sure she's not ticklish? Tobi thinks you are lying."

Shaking with the effort not to laugh and beg for him to stop, I still shook my head. Tobi continued tickling me, until I felt like I was going to die from holding my breath so long.

"Fine!... I'm ticklish!... Just.. Stop! I can't.. Breath!" I gasped, burning my face in the blanket near his face. I struggled to catch my breath, while Tobi just laughed at my expression.

It took me a good three minutes to regulate my breathing, after which I tackled Tobi to the other side of the bed, laying across his torso like Sasori had several time this morning and pinning his hands down with mine.

Being a ninja, Tobi could totally escape from this, and I'm not quite sure why he didn't, but I'm not going to question it.

Tobi instead laughed, not fighting back back at all.

The blanket fell off when I tackled him, I realized, now looking at his completely uncovered face. Dayum. He was cute. I found it odd that he covered his face. Not to mention the fact he was smiling and laughing.

I growled playfully, laughing all the while. Releasing one of hands, I opted to try and tickle him. He laughed harder, glaring up at me.

"Izaya-chan thinks Tobi-kun is ticklish!" I smirked. Tobi used his free hand to reach my ribs, hitting one of my most ticklish spots. I had to give my counter attack and release both his hands at that point, trying to rip Tobi's hand away from my ribs.

I was curled around Tobi's hands, still laying halfway across his chest, red faced and gasping for breath when the bathroom door opened. I didn't even bother to try and make myself presentable.

Konan's first reaction was a look of comical shock. She looked between my red face and Tobi's now half hidden face, eyes wide and mouth agape. Her reaction only made me laugh harder, which Tobi encouraged with his fingers.

I was only ticklish in certain places, like my hip bones, ribs, and neck. My stomach wasn't ticklish at all, and Tobi seemed to figure this out pretty quickly.

Currently, one of his arms were wrapped around my middle while he tickled me right under my chin. Like a fucking cat... And admittedly, I loved it.

How had I managed to go from murderous to this?

"Are.. Are you guys okay? Because Jess-chan looks like she's about to pass out." Konan asked carefully, pulling on the edge of her borrowed shirt.

Tobi finally allowed me some time to breath, which I used greedily. Konan watched us with wide eyes.

"Izaya-chan is ticklish, Konan-chan, so Tobi was tickling her! Isn't that funny?" Tobi answered, gently rubbing the side of my ribs with his thumb. I hadn't even noticed my camisole had risen up. I blushed slightly, smiling at Konan.

The blueette didn't seem to have a proper reaction to this. She stumbled over her words, "S-sure, Tobi-kun. It's adorable. Jess-chan, can you make breakfast? I know the men know how make coffee now, but I'm confused as to how you cook things."

Nodding semi-calmly, I told her, "I'll be down in a minute. I gotta get dressed or Deidara'll make some perverted remark."

She smiled, lighting up her entire face. "Okay. Thank you."

As soon as she left the room, I turned to glare at Tobi. "No more tickling! You're going to kill Izaya-chan one of these days and then you'll fell really guilty and have no one to play with!"

Tobi tilted his head the side, still rubbing the side of my ribs."Where'd Izaya-chan get such a weird scar?"

"Hmmm?" Tobi pointedly pressed down on my ribs.

"Oh, yeah!" I gasped, using my own hand to trace the two stranded scar running down my side. It ran from the middle of my waist to halfway up my breast, part of it always being cut off by my bra. The underwires hurt like hell when I first got it too.

I moved Tobi's fingers to the edge of my bra, showing him where the ribs had an uneven bump caused by extra cartilage. "I snapped two of my ribs and sliced it opened when I was about ten. I was at a party with some of my friends, and I got in a tree climbing competition with one of the older boys. He was so annoyed by losing that he started shaking the bottom of the tree, which caused the branch to snap and me to fall. The broken branch whipped around and hit me before I could catch myself." I explained, blushing.

It was such a dumb way to break your fucking ribs. It hurt too. And ruined one of my favorite shirts.

"Hn," Tobi... Said? He really didn't say anything. It wasn't even an official word. "Izaya-chan looks cute with it!"

Because scars you got for being an idiot, are so cute.

However, my grin was unavoidable and completely irrational. "Okay. Let's go eat some breakfast!" I cheered, jumping off the bed to look for a pair of acceptable shorts.

If not the Akatsuki, I'd probably wonder around the house all day in my panties. Good times.

Tobi pointed to a pair that I had thrown at one of my mirrors. I quickly yanked them on, almost tripping myself in the process. Tobi laughed, while watching me in the corner like a flippen creeper. He also had his mask back on, which added to the creepy level.

I held out my hand for him, opening the door. Tobi gave me a hug before grabbing my hand, casually brushing my scar through the fabric of my shirt.

Shivering, I ran down the stairs with Tobi's hand held over my shoulder, landing in the living room with a solid thump after jumping the last three stairs.

I swear I'm a kindergartener at heart.

Everyone expect Zetsu was sitting in the living room when we arrived, and judging by the wolf whistle Deidara made when we came down, I'd be willing to bet that Konan had told them about our tickling fight.

I stuck my tongue out at Deidara, "Pervert."

Tobi squeezed my hand before grabbing Deidara around the neck in an awkward looking hug. "Sempai isn't a pervert, Izaya-chan!" He scolded. This, of course, led to Deidara trying to kill Tobi again, which I just tuned out.

I rolled my eyes, gently grabbing Konan's hand to pull her from the love-seat she was sharing with Pein. Wink, wink, much?

Teaching Konan how to use the oven and stove top was simple, but she consistently messed up all the buttons on the microwave. I found it amusing.

We made a mess of hashbrowns and scrambled eggs, which admittedly, is one of the few solid foods I actually enjoy. I have a weak-spot for pasta though, and pudding. Yogurt is good too.

I relaxed on the couch while everyone ate, staring blankly at the TV. The news was on. It was... Wednesday. "Dammit!" I growled, dashing out of the room.

The door slammed behind me, echoing through the air.

I ran as fast as I could to the meadow, my tired muscles protesting. Ignoring the stupid burn, I kneeled down. My meadow was a special place my grandmother and I took care of when she was alive, way back when and whatnot.

The nails on my left hand lengthened ever so slightly at my will, allowing me to snip through the stems of select flowers easily. _Pretty soon I'll have to dig the weak ones up for winter,_ I thought, looking at my small bouquet of tiger lilies, daisies, and tiny little blue belles.

"What are you going to to with those? **You shouldn't cut them for the hell of it."**

I went rigid, relaxing slightly when I recognized the voice-s, kind of. "Zetsu. You scared me," I sighed.

"**You didn't answer the question**," Zetsu's black side snapped, squatting down next to me.

I smiled sweetly, pushing back negative feelings. "I can show you if you want." My smile slipped slightly as I handed the flowers to Zetsu, motioning for him to follow.

The graveyard was only about a fifteen minute walk from my house, right on the outskirts of town.

The half and half cookie man followed me hesitantly, his white side's fingers brushing across the bright petals of a tiger lily. I glanced at him out of the corners of my eyes, making sure he was still following.

Zetsu seemed to realize what we were doing when we reached the graveyard, but I stayed silent.

I took the flowers back from Zetsu, setting them in the subtlety glittering urn that my mother bought for herself. She planned out everything like that.

"**Who is this?** Don't be insensitive! **It's just a question**," They launched into a discussion about whether that was insensitive or not.

I laughed lightly, pressing my palm against the ice cold grave. "It's okay. It's not insensitive. He's right."

Black Zetsu made a noise of triumph, grinning.

"The one over there," I pointed to the double grave neighboring my mothers, "That's my grandma's and grandpa's. My grandma got sick, and died when I was ten. My grandpa killed himself when I was eleven, just after I started living in the house we're in now."

I turned back to my mothers resting place. "Suicide runs in my family apparently, becuase this is my mother."

"**Don't even think about it**. Don't say that!" Zetsu half growled.

That was sweet of them, I thought, smiling mournfully and brushing my fingers across the cold stone. People used to accuse me of not caring when I told them what happened, becuase most of the time when I told that story, I was smiling... Really, it was the only way to keep myself from crying like the weak girl I am.

"Let's go back. Izaya-chan is sleepy." I sighed, starting the walk home.

~~~~holy-–-time-–-skip~~~~

"Izaya-chan! Wakey wakey! The door is going 'ding done ding ding' and Leader-sama says you need to fix it!"

"Move Tobi. I got this, hmm." I twitched slightly as my cheek became wet, and pinched. I ignored it, snuggling closer to the armrest. The thing on my cheek pressed harder against my face and-

"OUCH! Son of a bitch! What the hell was that!?" I scrambled away, fully awake and clutching my now injured cheek.

Something fucking bit me!

Deidara stood over me, palms facing me. All three mouths were smiling creepily, clearly proud of themselves. I put it together slowly. Something... Bit me... Hand mouths...

"DEIDARA! GET OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU." I screamed, trying to launch myself at him.

Kisame caught me by the wrist, lips quirked slightly. "You can kill him later. Make that annoying noise stop first."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and several Akatsuki members jumped. "Real ninja guys," I growled sarcastically.

Then I realized who would be ringing my door bell at five thirty-ish. "Oh... No. He better not be serious." I snapped, stomping my way to the door. I threw the door open, glaring at the idiot on the other side.

"Hey, babe." Luke sneered, smiling in what I guess was supposed a sexy fashion.

I hissed, pissy Jess officially taking over for the second time today. "Okay, you asshole, first off don't call me babe. Second, why the fuck are you here? Do you want to be killed? Seriously."

Luke pouted, "Come on, now, Jessie-bear. I told you this morning I needed a place to stay for the wedding. I'm the best man!"

Did I mention my ex-boyfriend was also my brothers best friend? It goes to show you his horrible taste.

"Well, I'm the only sister, so fuck off, bastard." I snarled, my left hand becoming rigid and claw like. If I listened to my instincts, I would a bloody mess right now and Luke would be twitching on the ground and yowling in pain.

"I'd rather fuck you." Luke leered, eyes sweeping my scantily clad body. I was still in my pajamas for god's sake!

An arm wrapping around my waist stopped me from ripping out his throat. I struggled against the iron grip, my eyes locked on Luke's. It made made me extremely happy to see fear in his eyes, and just strengthened my need for blood.

"What did you just fucking say to my girl, you little shit?" Hidan asked tersely, brushing his lips against my neck.

Why was he- Oh. They must be trying to protect me? I relaxed slightly, sending him a quick glare. He tightened his grip on my waist, narrowing his magenta eyes at Luke.

Who, much to my delight, looked like he was about to piss himself. He still tried to act tough though, which Hidan seemed to think was irritating. "Your girl? I hope you like damaged goods then."

I struggled again, trying to move my now razor sharp nails to wipe that shaking smirk off his face. Hidan had my arms pinned down, but he did look down when I accidentally drew blood.

He smiled, and unlike Luke, actually managed to make it look sexy. "Save it for the bedroom, love." He growled, making sure Luke heard it.

Luke made a pitiful whining noise, stomping his foot like a child that didn't get what they wanted.

"Leave now and I won't fucking sacrifice your ass." Hidan snapped, glaring at Luke.

Just for effect I craned my head upward, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Thank you." I whispered, smiling ever so kindly.

Hidan smirked, and playing the part of a caring boyfriend, kissed my forehead.

Luke growled, pointed at me, "You'll regret this, bitch. I can assure you of that."

Oh, so scawy! He didn't just..._no. Don't be vicious_.

I waited until he was off my property to start cracking up with laughter. I had to lean on Hidan to keep from falling to the floor.

"Oh my God! That was the stupidest dramatic walk out ever! Can you say cliché?" I still wanted him dead, don't get me wrong, but seriously? I can't even-. Just no.

Hidan smiled, shaking at my childishness. "Who the hell was that fucker, bitch?" He asked, picking me up princess still.

I waited until he set me down in the couch in the living room, where all the Akatsuki were waiting with varying degrees of confusion and bloodlust. Their protectiveness, although probably caused by necessity as I am taking care of them, warmed my heart.

Tobi plopped down next to me on the couch, his face covered by the mask. Stupid mask. I wanted to rip it off. And cuddle him.

Thankfully, I could do the latter, as I laid down, using Tobi as my pillow. One of his hands wrapped around my waist, and the other rested on my hair. "Thank you guys. Again."

"Again?" Pein asked, looking amused.

I smiled at him, "Zetsu was very sweet this afternoon. Although I'm guessing the reason he followed me was leader orders, he didn't need to be so kind."

"Zetsu was sweet?" Konan's eyebrows furrowed, giving her that cute 'I'm so confused' look only certain people can pull off. I fought off the urge to tell her so, being that this is a serious discussion and all.

I nodded, explaining very quickly, "Uh-huh. In his own cactusy way. He came with me to visit grandma and grandpa and mother."

Konan gorgeous eyes softened a little, "About that, I'm sorry."

"So, Zetsu told you? Anyway, it's not like you killed them, so I'm not sure why you're sorry. Grandpa and mother wanted to die." I shrugged, intwining my fingers in Tobi's.

Pein looked at Konan, narrowing his eyes slightly. Konan smiled, nodding towards me. I watched there silent conversation with something akin to jealousy. I wanted that. I wanted a cute relationship where you could understand you partner with just you eyes and subtle movements.

Clearing my throat, I waved at Pein, "My grandfather and mother both killed themselves. That's why I don't like going in the basement truthfully. It freaks me out, ya know? Brings back bad memories."

I yawned, stretching my body out. I was still sore from Sasori. Well, training with Sasori, that is. Don't be perverted. "Izaya-chan looks like a kitty!" Tobi laughed, brushing his fingers against my hipbone.

I squeaked, curling up in a ball. "Tobi!" I hissed, trying got yank his hand away.

"I like him annoying you. It's funny, and it keeps him out of my hair, un." Deidara literally plopped down on the couch next to my feet.

"Are you trying to break my inheritance? I have better things to spend money in you know." I snapped

Deidara flicked a strand of hair over his shoulder, nearly hitting me in the face with it, "You're just like Kakuzu, un. Cheap."

"Like that's bad thing. She's just smart." Kukazu retorted.

_Why did his hair...?_ I leaned closer, grabbing a stand of super soft blonde hair. Glaring at him, I pulled the strand to my nose, sniffing lightly. Unsurprisingly, it smelled like coconut milk and orchids. Damn him.

Deidara jerked away, looking at me like I was crazy or something. This coming from the blonde bomber that steals my hair supplies. "What the hell, un!?"

I scowled, crossing my arms, "Hey! Only Konan and I are allowed to use the Herbal Essences! You guys are supposed to use the cheap Suave kind!"

Deidara scowled equally as fierce as me, growling, "I don't want my hair smelling like a calming fucking waterfall! And yours is way better for my hair. That other kind doesn't even have a moisturizer."

"No shit, Sherlock! That's why it's so expensive, as opposed to the 'calming fucking waterfall', which is like ninety nine cents a bottle! If I buy you guys a bottle a week and Konan and I one bottle a month, in theory I would be saving about twenty seven dollars every four weeks."

"Twenty seven dollars can buy me a lot of alcohol, you know." Harle input. Hidan smirked, giving her an approving look.

I jumped, staring at my best friend in shock. She was still shrugging off her jacket though, so I guess she just got here. She did have a key. "Deidara probably can't take one Rhode Island iced tea, Harle." I winked, sending the blonde shampoo thief a glare.

Harle smiled, clasping her hands together and repeatedly the pads of her finger together like some evil villain. "Shall we test that theory?"

I actually considered this, looking that all the Akatsuki members carefully. "...no. She shan't. I don't think mixing S-rank criminals and alcohol is a good idea. I have to talk to you anyway. Go sit on Sasori-sensei's lap."

Sasori glared at me, "I'll kill you."

"I have a wood-burning furnace you know."


	6. Chapter 6 Family

**You guys... I just want to give you all a whole bunch of virtual hugs and cuddles. Seriously, you people flipped rock. **

**Deidara; cough, suck up, cough, un. **

**Me; you know, I had an offer to get you girlfriend... **

**Deidara; Really? About time. **

**Me; if you keep acting like a tool I'll give her to Itachi. So there. **

**Deidara; You wouldn't.. He's my archenemy, yeah!**

**Me; watch yourself, Nemo. Now, Gaara, do the disclaimer. And yes, I Kow you're not in this story. Sorry sweetheart. **

**Gaara; If Jenna owned us, bad things would happen. She also doesn't own any bands mentioned, because then bad things would happen to them. Sorry. **

**Me; *wink wink* Enjoy the chapter, lovelies! Oh, and Terri does not have a major part in the story. She's basically the one everyone loves to hate. **

* * *

"Soooooo..." Terri sipped her pre-wedding wine, giving me a curious look.

I smiled at her, trying to keep up pretenses. "Yes?" I asked kindly, clipping the millionth braid into her flower girls hair.

I was hosting a getting ready wedding party, which meant I had to wake up at four in the fucking morning and rush over here so I could start making everyone look presentable for Terri's wedding, which started at six.

Don't get me wrong, I love doing wedding parties. It makes me happy, and now I could probably afford the Warped Tour tickets I've been lusting after.

Terri and her wedding party were just _annoying_. I mean, I've been slaving over their hair, nails, and make-up for hours, and they've barely attempted to start a conversation with me.

I'd rather have Sasori, for God's sake, and most times we just end up arguing. At least he didn't look at me like I was below him. Just because I'm doing my damn job..

"Is that true?" Terri pinched me gently, looking frustrated. Oops.

I glanced back down at her, "Hmmm? What was that?"

Terri huffed, looking at the other girls. Girl talk for 'Can you believe this bitch?' "I was asking if it was true you have a man, like, staying with you?"

I stiffened, eyeing Terri critically. "Who told you that?"

She laughed, placing her hand in her cheek as if embarrassed. Pretentious whore, I snarled internally, remembering all the times she got in trouble for PDA in high school.

"Well, Gavin was at the bar last night," She started, switching into gossip mode. "And Luke showed up, yelling and complaining to anyone that would listen that you promised to allow him to stay until your brothers wedding, but you had some random hoodlum at your house. Gavin says he was pretty livid and like seriously jealous. By the end of the night he was doing straight shots."

"Really now?" I raised my eyebrows, swiping a light shade of bronze over the flower girl's eyelids. "Do is it true? Do you have a new, like, boyfriend?"

"No. Hidan just said I was his girl because Luke was threatening me. He's an old friend I met on my trip to Cali. Him and several of our group are staying at my place for a change in scenery." I took out what we call fairy dust, showing it the the little girl.

She smiled and calmly sat still as I patted the subtle sparkles across her cheeks.

Terri pouted, "Is he hot? Like would Luke's reaction be totally normal or something?" You'd think since she's the bride she'd be past saying 'like'. We don't live in California.

Wait, that's an insult to Californians. Sorry! Maybe she's just an idiot.

I pointed to the TV for the little girl, handing her the remote before pulling out my own phone. Tobi took pictures of everyone yesterday after I had to bribe him to let me watch FMA in peace.

"Do you consider this hot?" I showed her Hidan lounging on the couch with me and Deidara. The blonde had his arm thrown over the top of the couch and I was out cold, my feet in Hidan's lap and leaning against Deidara.

After Sasori wore me out training again.

Before Deidara noticed that Tobi was taking pictures and tried to kill him, waking me up in the process. I was not a happy camper. At all. I'm also doubting Deidara really minded his picture taken, my theory is he wanted an actual reason to try to kill Tobi.

Terri gaped, barely able to pretend like she wasn't interested. And she's the bride? "Holy hell. Yeah, I'd say that's pretty hot. Don't tell Gavin I said that though."

"Hmmm," I murmured, starting on the next girl. Hidan would never hear those words leave my mouth, so she can consider her secret safe.

It was five by the time I finished up, and all that left was to get them in their dresses. Terri gave me a hefty tip, and the rest would come in my paycheck after manager took out the stores share.

My hair was sticking to my face with sweat, I had a large cut on my right palm from tripping, and I was about to drop dead from standing on my feet so long.

Yeah, _no one_ mentions how extremely hot it gets with twenty people curling their hair and gossiping in the same room. I was also pretty sure I needed stitches, but leaving them on their own before a wedding was unacceptable.

I called my house, knowing that at least Pein and Konan would be intelligent enough to pick up. I showed them how to pick up my home phone yesterday.

My vision was blearing slightly, and I'm pretty sure I had a fever, but I had to at least get back home before I collapsed.

"Jess-chan?"

"Hey, Konan. I'm heading home, can you start making dinner?" I breathed happily, leaning against my bike for support.

"Of course... Are you okay, Jess-chan? You don't sound very good. Did you even eat lunch?" Konan's voice turned motherly, and I imagined her standing in my living room with her face crinkled up while she folded a paper animal. It was endearing.

"I'm fine, Konan. Just a little worn out. Those bitches don't know the difference between concealer and foundation." I lied, brushing my bangs out of my face.

Konan sighed, "Why don't I believe you? Fine. I'll start the dinner."

A smile appeared on my face, "Thanks. See ya in a sec." I broke every speed limit on the way home, thinking about cold ice cream and cuddling Tobi. It was a very good motivator to stay conscious.

Unsurprisingly, Konan must've been really worried about me, because she and Pein were both waiting outside my house for me to return.

I pulled off my Celty helmet, smiling weakly at their intimidating stances. They really could be very threatening when they wanted, although I feel like this time it was becuase I caused Konan unnecessary worry and Pein was an overprotective boyfriend.

"Jess-chan! You lied through your teeth. You look like you're about to collapse!" Konan chided, shaking her head.

"Nah. I'm not going t-," It was rather ironic that while I explained that I wouldn't collapse, I did just that.

Pein and Konan both darted to my side, wrapping one arm around me each.

"What was that?" Pein asked, glaring. It was more of a 'you're an idiot' glare than an 'I'm pissed off' glare though, so I was safe.

"Damn." I remarked, unable to keep myself from trembling.

Konan pressed her palm against my forehead, scowling. "You have a fever, baka! Pein, can you-"

The rest of that sentence was lost in a screeching noise filling my head. I flinched, my knees giving out under me.

Pein tightened his grip on my shoulders, his other arm picking me up from behind my knees. "Don't move." He growled, looking at me with what I could only explain as the Supreme Fearless Leader Glare.

I nodded mutely, my eyelids dropping.

Konan flicked my nose, pursing her lips together. "You can't sleep until you get nourishment. You shouldn't push yourself like this. Training with Sasori and going to work all day without meals. We might as well kill you. It'd be less stressful."

"Sorry, Kona-chan. I'm taking the next three days off if that makes it any better." I apologized, trying not to look at Pein anymore. It was kind of... Totally and completely embarrassing that he, the Leader of the infamous Akatsuki, was holding my princess style.

Konan nodded, pressing another hand against my stomach. "Pein, can you out her on the couch, please?" She darted off before I could respond.

"Can we get Kakuzu-san to look at my hand too?" I asked Pein.

"Why?" He barely made it through the doorway with me in his arms.

I opened my right hand, showing him the makeshift bandage I had out on it. Blood had already soaked through, making it look a lot worse than it really was.

Pein shook his head, walking through my house at an impossible speed. He set me down on the couch gently, surprising all the Akatsuki in the room. "Hidan, go find Kakuzu."

"What the hell happened to my bitch?" He snapped, walking closer to take a look at me. I flashed them- Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, and Sasori- my hand, grimacing.

Hidan nodded, running off to wherever the miser was.

"What did you do, brat?" Sasori asked, looking at me emotionlessly.

I smiled, "Good to know you're worried, Danna."

"Careful, you might bleed out from such a terrible wound," He replied sarcastically, tuning back to his... Puppet making, I think. It looked like the beginnings a puppet.

"Is that my grandpa's stuff?"

Sasori shrugged, "I found it in the shed... So, probably."

I hummed, gently pulling off the bandage over my cut. I bite my lip, trying not to whimper. Pshhh. No. I would so not wimp out with the Akatsuki in the room.

"Where's Tobi?" I asked curiously.

"Tobi can't fix your hand," Kakuzu answered, kneeling down on the floor in front of my place on my couch. "Let me see it."

"That's true," I offered him my hand.

Kakuzu didn't hesitate to yank off the rest off the bandage, causing my to make a squeaking noise, biting down on my lip as hard as I could. He glared, clearly telling me to shut it.

"Be gentle, un! She's not a ninja like us." Deidara defended, glaring right back at the miser.

"I'm still fixing her hand, aren't I?" Kakuzu tilted my hand back and forth, looking at the wound from all angles. "Are you stupid?" He finally asked me, looking like he honestly expected an answer.

"Was I right? Do I need stitches?" I shivered, my panic apparently evident on my face.

"Calm down. You act like it's bad." Hidan pointed to his neck, where there were a thin line of stitches all around. He was a ninja though! They were trained to repress pain and shit, weren't they?

Kakuzu sighed, "Shut up. Now, how long has this been bleeding?"

I thought about, staring at Sasori's unchanging face as Kakuzu started pulling his strings through my skin. It kept me from fainting, but I still felt pain. I flinched, dreadfully aware we didn't have any pain killers. "Umm, I'd say since about one fifteen-ish."

"And you didn't eat, all day?" Konan reappeared, placing a plate full of pancakes on my lap with a warm smile.

I looked away from her kind eyes guiltily, "...I had a glass of champagne at like five?"

Kakuzu purposely pressed into my palm harder than necessary, causing me to jerk and make a weak whimpering noise. "Idiot. It's no wonder you're running a fever." He scolded, returning to his work.

"Kakuzu, you bastard! There's no reason to fucking hurt her just cause she wanted to finish her damn job. You make me finish missions after I lose my fucking head!" Hidan growled, settling down next to me on the couch.

"She needs to learn her limits, but he's right Kakuzu. Don't hurt her." Sasori looked up, still expressionless as ever. Deidara just glared at him, plopping down in the couch on my other side.

I smiled, tears coming to my eyes. In retrospect, it was probably caused by the fever, but either way, tears started streaming down my face. "N-no. It's okay guys. You don't need to defend me." I cried.

"Are you okay? Don't cry, yeah." Deidara laughed, whipping away my tears with the pad of his thumb.

"It's the fever," Kakuzu finished with my hand, moving to gently pull up my shirt just enough to show my midriff. I didn't move as he pressed his palm against my stomach and my throat. "It's pretty high, but your heartbeats fine. You just need to eat and get some rest."

I looked at the hot plate of pancakes in my lap, nodding. "Okay. Thank you, Kakuzu."

The miser nodded, walking away to wherever he spent his days. Truthfully, I had a sneaking suspicion that it was in my grandpa's study, where we kept all our bank info, but I'm not completely convinced. I just noticed that my stocks are now much more organized.

Picking up my plate was hard enough, but trying to feed myself was another story. Deidara and Hidan both turned their attention back to the TV as I failed at feeding myself. The pancake kept falling off my fork because my hands were shaking so bad. Not to mention I'm right handed.

Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit.

"Where's Tobi?" I asked finally, glaring at my still full plate.

Deidara glanced at me, and then the pancakes. "You need to eat first, un."

"I can't." I snapped, blushing. I held my trembling hand up as proof.

Hidan snorted with laughter, shaking his head. "You need Tobi to help you eat your own damn food?"

I glared at him, sniffing, "Yes. And Tobi doesn't laugh. Which is why Tobi is the only one allowed to sleep in Izaya-chan's bed."

"Did someone say Tobi's name?" The man in question asked excitedly.

I jumped. "Come on, Tobi! Sit down with me and sempai!" I patted Deidara's leg, smiling up at the masked man.

He tilted his head to the side, confusion lacing his tone, "Tobi doesn't think sempai wants Tobi to sit on his lap. Sempai might try to kill Tobi again."

I looked at the blonde, contemplating my options. He was too busy glaring at Tobi, so he was totally oblivious to my speculations. I shrugged, moving to sit on his lap and patted the spot between myself and Hidan.

Deidara shifted his eyes to me, clearly shocked. "Why the hell are you on my lap, yeah?"

"Most _guys_ wouldn't complain to have an ex-stripper sitting on their lap... You are Deidara though." I teased, settling in his thighs. He was actually pretty comfy, if not annoyingly boney. Skinny son of a chicken.

Hidan said something about Deidara's questionable gender, which launched a fight. They continued fighting as I instructed Tobi to give me pancakes.

It was safe to say this was the most comfortable I've ever been in my life, sitting on Deidara's lap and being fed like a child by Tobi. Konan could make some killer pancakes too.

"Having fun?" Kisame asked, walking into the room with his own plate full of pancakes.

I smiled at the shark like man, "Of course. Jailbait is very comfy and Konan makes yummy breakfast for dinner." I also smiled at Tobi, waiting for another bite.

Kisame chuckled, sitting down next to Itachi, "Why are you being fed like a child?"

Holding up my hand, I explained, "Injured. According to Kakuzu and Konan, I also have a fever."

Kisame flipped through the channels, ignoring Hidan's protests, "How'd you get cut up?"

"One of the helpers setting up the after ceremony wasn't paying attention and ran right into me. I fell on a piece of broken glass."

"What happened to the glass?"

I shrugged, taking another bite of the pancake. "I yanked it out and put some cloth over it. I couldn't just leave them stranded on their wedding because of my clumsiness."

Tobi tilted his mask to the side, somehow managing to steal some of my pancakes without revealing his face to the rest of the Akatsuki. I giggled, shaking my head, "Tobi-kun, why do you do that?"

"Tobi likes his mask." He shoved another piece of pancake into my mouth before I could react.

"Mmm," I nodded, shivering lightly. Stupid fever made me feel really cold. "Kisame! Throw that blanket over here?"

The shark man nodded, tossing the blanket at my face at what was probably a reasonable speed _for a ninja_. Deidara caught it before it could hit me, scoffing, "Kisame, un. Really? You trying to kill the sick, yeah?"

I took the blanket out of his hands, fluffing it out until covered all of us.

"What the fuck? I'm not cold, Jessie." Hidan complained, tearing his gaze from the TV.

"Shut up. I am, and you're on my couch in my house." I snapped back.

Moving so the blanket covered me and Jailbait was a little challenging, but in the end I just cuddled up to his chest with my legs on Tobi, sighing contently. Deidara was blushing, while Tobi just laughed.

"Kisame," I groaned, sticking out my hand like a flippen Jedi. It was really tragic I didn't have the force. "Give Izaya-chan the remote, Castiel."

"Stop calling me Castiel." He chucked the remote, which to everyone's surprise, I actually caught. I smirked, giving Sasori a thumbs up, "Puppet boy's a good teacher, right? Anyway, technically, me calling you Castiel is a compliment, Kisame-kun. Castiel is not only an angel, he's insanely hot too. You're luckier than Kyo and Tohru."

"Do I even want to know?" Konan asked, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

"Tohru is a ditz, and Kyo turns into a cat a when females hug him. I named you that because in the manga, they end up falling in love and getting married at the end." I opened my mouth for Tobi to feed me the last bite, but he shoved it into Deidara's mouth instead.

Deidara choked, coughing loudly in my ear. I huffed, glaring at Tobi.

"That I got nothin.' I'll sit baaaack and I'll watch the snow-" Christofer Drew sang, snapping the Akatsuki out of their childish fights. They all looked at my pocket with narrowed eyes.

I yanked out my phone, pressing answer. "What?"

"You've always had a nice way of greeting me." Lucky mused.

"Why the hell are you calling me?" I snapped, tapping my fingers against Deidara's chest impatiently. He had a thing for getting on my nerves, but usually he didn't call. I was nervous.

Luck laughed, "Now, dearling, what's so bad about me calling you?"

"Are you planning something? You know about the wedding already don't you?" I glanced at Tobi, who was poking me anxiously. I smiled.

"Well, duh. Anyway, I heard Luke was giving you trouble, sis."

He knew I hated it when he called me 'sis'. I sighed, "What about it?"

"Do you need a protecter?" He asked sweetly. "I think we both know that idiot isn't giving up on you so easily. I mean, I could always come over and help you keep safe."

_Oh, please_. I slowly stood up, my eyes narrowing at the sound of tires on the gravel road. "Did the Bear kick you out again?"

"Aren't you a little high strung today?" Luck asked gently, casually avoiding the question.

Squinting, I just make out a flash of red down the road. I rolled my eyes, smiling, "You stupid son of a chicken. Did it ever occur to you I don't have any room for you to stay?"

"Not really." Lucky pulled into my driveway, glancing at the window before hanging up.

I darted for the front door, my shaky legs a little steadier after eating.

"What the hell are you doing bitch?" Hidan yelled after me.

Flinging the door open, I paused for a second. Although the boy annoyed me to no end and made a game of pissing me off, I still smiled when I saw his tan cherubic face. Just for a second, before I basically attacked him. I jumped him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

"Lucky-bear!" I yelled, giving him little kisses all over his face excitedly.

"Lucy-bunny!" He yelled back, laughing. For a high school kid, he was strong. He easily supported my weight, carrying me back to the living room, where all the Akatsuki watched with varying emotions.

I continued kissing his face, making sure that he was actually here. "Okay! Guys! This is Lucky, and Luck, this is-"

"The Akatsuki." Luck interrupted, tightening his grip on my legs protectively.

Hidan jumped up, glaring at the both of us, "What the fuck? Is he your Jashin damned boyfriend or something? How does he know who the hell we are?"

"Why is Izaya-chan kissing him? Tobi wants kisses too!" Tobi whined.

I blinked, scowling at Hidan. "Why would he be my boyfriend? Gross. This is my youngest brother. And I would assume he knows who you all are because of the anime." I explained slowly, burying my face in Luck's shoulder.

"You're really affectionate with your siblings, un." Deidara noted suspiciously.

"Isn't everyone?" I lightly kissed Lucky's neck, making him laugh and swat my face away. He was ticklish in his neck, which I knew. "'Sides, Luck and me, we swing for the same team."

Luck blushed, looking up at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing ever. I was betting that he just embarrassed by his crush being in the room. I can't say who it is though. He'd kill me.

"Izaya-chan, what does swinging for the same team mean?" Tobi asked curiously, pulling on the edge of my tank top. I didn't even notice him move. Luck glared at him.

"Well. Tobi," I detached myself from Lucky, pulling Tobi's mask very close to my face. "Izaya-chan likes boys, like you and Deidara-sempai and Sasori. And Luck like boys too, like you and Deidara-sempai and Sasori. _Especially_, It-," Luck covered my mouth with his hand.

"And nobody likes Hidan," He finished, smiling innocently. While Hidan very loudly protested, Lucky leaned closer, pulling me back into his arms. "I don't actually think nobody likes him. He's looks pretty delish." He whispered in my ear.

I smirked, turning to glare at him. "Are you hitting on my man, punk?" I growled, twisting my expression into one of complete and utter rage.

Luke mimicked me, placing a sassy hand on his hip, "What was that, bitch? Your man. Nah-uh. I already called dibs. Now, put on some music, woman."

"Whatever, man-whore!" I nodded anyway, taking out my phone.

Scrolling through my playlist, the smile slipped off my face. Pierce the Veil. Vic. I looked back at my brother, tears brimming, "...So, if you're here, does that mean Vic is coming too?"

Luck shrugged, roughly wiping away my tears. "They haven't ever gotten along before, so I doubt a wedding would do anything to better their relationship. Considering the circumstances, I'd bet it'd just make it worse."

I hummed, frowning. Clicking one button, my house was instantly filled with Of Mice and Men. I swayed my hips along to the music, laughing at Luck's expression.

"We have guests, Stripper." He chided, knowing exactly what song was on by the first chords.

"Blame it on the alcohol." I snapped back, winking flirtatiously. I continued doing my little dance, grinning and singing along.

Lucky twitched, glancing at Deidara and Hidan wearily. "Knock it off."

Pursing my lips, I pretended to think about it, and continued the sing along anyway.

Pein entered the room, giving me a questioning look. "I take you feel better?" I broke off, smiling, "Yup! I feel great, did Konan drug those pancakes or something? Seriously, they're _delish_!" I sent Luck a sly smile, nodding towards Hidan.

Luck sighed shaking his head, "Don't you think this song is a little inappropriate? I mean, Tobi's in the room."

Pein blinked, shifting he gaze to Luck. "You're the brother?"

I let them get them get to know each other, briefly explaining to Pein, "There's only one suggestive part in the whole song." I looked to Hidan and Deidara, smiling brightly.

The blonde just glanced at me before turning back to the TV.

Nope. Nobody ignored me when I'm dancing, dammit. "Tobi, dance with Izaya-chan?"

The masked nin jumped up to dance with me, which in the ninja world (according to Tobi) consisted totally of spinning. I didn't really mind, although when my favorite part came on, I just grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, using my breathing and facial expressions to do all the work.

"Shortie got drunk thought it all was a dream, so I made her say ahhh, ahh, ahhh!" **(A/N It actually says that in the song, and the next lines are even worse. Don't blame me!)**

Jailbait choked on his pancake, visible eye wide. Even Itachi glanced up, pausing mid-page flip to give me a questioning look.

I winked, dragging Tobi by the hand. "Izaya-chan is sleepy! I'm kidnapping Tobi and using him for his body. Sorry, Pein-sama! Night-night!"

Luck snorted, shaking his head as I darted around the corner to my room. "I don't want any baby Tobi's thank you very much!"

Yanking the door shut behind us, I jumped on the bed. "Night night." I whispered, cuddling closer to Tobi, who had once again taken his mask off and covered his face with the blanket.

"Night night." He yawned, over dramatically, clearly just humoring me.

"... Hey, Tobi-kun?" I asked after a pause.

"Hmm?"

I hesitated, trying to think of a way to ask what I wanted. "Do.. I know that this isn't really your world, and 'you don't belong here', but... Do you guys think you'll be happy here? Eventually, you know?"

"Why do you ask?" Tobi's voice switched again, becoming deep and, kind of maybe, sexy. Plus, the use of 'you' instead of Izaya-chan was interesting.

"Well, I know... Me at least, I'm happy with you guys here. And that's selfish of me to want you to stay in a place that's not your home, but..."

_You feel some sort of comradeship with these freaks because you yourself are a-_

Tobi chuckled, cutting off my inner vicious voice, "It's not selfish to want a family."

"Yeah..." I blushed at the word family, smiling.

"Hey, Izaya-chan? Why aren't you in any of the family pictures?" Tobi's grip tightened on me, pulling me closer protectively as I went ridged.

"Ah- I'm... I'm not actually apart of Lucky's family. I was an illegitimate child, in the middle of my mothers marriage. That's why I was living with grandpa. I was... Shameful for my family." I fought back tears, wondering why the hell I was telling Tobi of all people my worst secret.

Tobi kissed my forehead, "It's okay. You can cry, Izaya-chan. Jessica."

I shook my head, refusing to cry, focusing on happy things.

I liked pudding, and vanilla. I liked making people pretty and fangirling with Harle. I liked flowers and the color red, and glitter. I liked laughing and teasing my friends. I liked the way the Akatsuki seemed to fit in wont me like a puzzle piece, and the way Tobi says Izaya-chan.

I liked the way he says Jessica a whole more though.


	7. Chapter 7 The game

**Me; HOLY CROW. YOU KNOW HOW MANY MORE FOLLOWERS I'VE GOTTEN IN THE LAST WEEK!? Of course you don't! But I love each and everyone of you.** **That's it. That's all I wanted to say. **

**Nevermind. I thought of something. Weasel-chan, you little guest user you! Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It means a lot that you would try to keep up with my story when you got have an account. **

**Not that all my other fabulous comments aren't important or anything. I love you guys comments with my whole Fangirling heart. Got it? **

**Good. Continue being amazing.**

* * *

_Poke. _

_Poke. _

_Poke._

"Can you knock it off?" Sasori finally snapped, grabbing my wrist.

I pouted, shaking my head. "Danna, seriously, we have like twenty minutes before Harle is going to be here, and you need to get dressed in something mildly cool." I was, of course, already decked out in perfectly casual football game wear.

"You're worse than the brat sometimes." He glared, setting down his puppet making stuff for the first time all damn day.

"Akasuna no Sasori-danna, do you want a girlfriend?" I growled, matching his annoyance perfectly. Here I was basically throwing a fabulous opportunity at him, and he was being all.. Adamant! Ugh!

Sasori smirked, raising his eyebrows. "That's the best argument you've got?"

"Tarah. I have Tarah." I deadpanned, crossing my arms over my chest.

The soulless puppet sighed, standing up. "Fine. But I'll kill you if you tell anyone I'm going because of some insignificant girl," He conceded, glaring at the ceiling.

I squealed, grabbing his hand. "Yeah! Lucky won't mind if you borrow some of his clothes, and he's got a lot of clothes, so were bound to something that'll make you look edible."

Lucky was on a date, today, with a sweet boy from a neighboring town. They met at a swim meet apparently.

"Is that a good thing?" Sasori asked doubtfully. I don't blame him, he's probably not used to hormonal females, being that the Akatsuki only had Konan. Plus, Konan's taken so it's a given that she's not as... Touchy feeling as Harle and I. Course, Harle's taken too, she's just cruel. I love her though.

"It's a very good thing, Danna. Hopefully, by the end of the night, you'll have sparkles on your cheek. If all goes well." I left him on the bed, while I pawed through Luck's suitcases.

_Black_. Sasori can rock black. _Skinny jeans?_ I narrowed my eyes at Sasori, inspecting him. The puppet looked back at me emotionlessly, probably wondering what the hell I was doing.

...

No. Straight cut, dark wash jeans. Black, casual button down shirt. Fantastic.

"Okay! Sasori, change. Put this on and wait for me at the door! I gotta go fix up Deidara and ask anyone else if they wanna come." I ordered, throwing the closets at him.

He shrugged.

I turned back to the suitcases, grabbing black skinnies and a simple light blue t-shirt for Jailbait. I left the room, head held high and ignoring every impulse in my being to look at Sasori.

Can you blame me really?

"Deidara-kun! Nemo! Jailbait!" I yelled at the top my lungs, pausing afterwords.

Nothin'.

I cupped my hands over my mouth, taking a big breath, "DEIDARA, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, BRAT?"

His head popped around the corner at the bottom of the stairs, looking honestly worried, "What, un? I was sleeping."

I sweatdropped, shaking my head. "It's like six fifty, why the... You know what? Never mind. You are blonde."

"Want do you need then, yeah?" He frowned.

Deidara waited patiently as I darted down the stairs, still half-asleep. I compared the outfit to his figure, lips pressed together. The blue complimented his eyes, but not in a matchy-matchy sort of way.

Mission accomplished.

"Strip." I ordered.

Deidara's eye widened, "What?"

I narrowed my eyes, tugging his shirt up. "Strrrr-ip. Pay attention, blondie."

He swatted my hands away, pulling the shirt over his head by himself. _Good job, Deidara! You know how to out on your clothes like a big boy!_ I wanted to mock, instead settling for shoving the clothes at him. "Get dressed. I'm hooking you up."

"What the hell does that mean, un?"

I started walking away, shaking my head at his stupidity. Everyone one in the living room looked up at the sound of a shrill whistle I got from one of my freshman as a joke way back when.

"Who wants to hang out with me during the football game?" I sighed, mentally trying to match Deidara up with one of the many girls I know.

Hidan threw a piece of popcorn at my face, "What's a football game?"

I blinked, trying to find a way to describe it in a way that made sense. Truthfully, although I went to every home game for four years straight, I never really paid attention.

"Uh, well, I usually don't actually watch the game, but basically it's a bunch of guys fighting over a football by tackling each other to the ground... I just like flirting with high schoolers." That basically covered it.

"Cradle robber," Harle cheered from the couch, grinning.

"Pervert," I shot back, laughing.

"Yeah, yeah. How many football games did you actually watch exactly, as opposed to flirting with First Gen Fearless?" She stood up, stretching her arms above her head.

_One... Four. Because of the Chix verses Dux games, right?_ I held up four fingers, smiling. "Who doesn't pay attention when everyone's at each others throats? I love me some sibling rivalry."

"You're not helping yourself here," Harle chucked a pillow at me face, which I dodged.

It went right past me, hitting a now fully clothed Deidara in the chest. Both Harle and I paused, not bothering to hide the fact we were checking him out.

Harle whistled, smiling at me. "What's with the ponytail though?"

"What's wrong with my ponytail? It's sexy, un!" Deidara protested.

"It's half-assed. If you're going to do a fricken ponytail, you gotta put all of it up." Harle yelled over her shoulder, walking to the front closet. She threw my leather jacket at me and my favorite boots, muttering about stupid pyromaniac terrorists.

Interesting.

Deidara grumbled, but did put all his hair into a high ponytail in the end, still leaving that annoyingly long bang section to cover his eye.

Harle shooed them all into the truck while I made a last ditch effort to have someone else come along, because knowing Harle, she'd catch a ride halfway through and leave me alone, while Deidara and Sasori, if all followed the plan, would be getting to know their future girls.

Just before I left, I grabbed Tobi's hand, jerking him off the couch. He just started to protest when I leaned forward and kissed his neck, the only part of exposed skin I could find.

"See ya!" I snickered, darting away.

Just before the door closed behind me, I heard my favorite Jashinist yell, "Why don't I get a fucking kiss, bitch?"

"Found her." I announced from my perch on the top of the hill. The marching band was just coming into view.

"Where?" Sasori glanced around, trying his darnedest not to look like he was looking for Tarah. I think we all know the truth, right?

"There," Harle pointed, silently studying the new freshman. Not a single one was out of step, for now.

At least Kontol didn't group them by seniority this time. He did that in my freshman year once, and I spent the entire time bitching out Zach. The boy never stepped with the wrong foot again though. Dumbass. Even freshman now how to count 'one two.'

"Do you know which one she is?" Deidara asked, searching for the girl his Danna was so anxious about.

I paused, eyes locked on the clarinet section. "The second row, on the left. She broke her lig last year, so it's a different color. See it?"

Harle laughed, shaking her head. "They don't know what a ligature is, Jess."

"Shut your mouth, and watch the children." I ordered, making my way down the hill.

In my defense, it was a rather steep hill and I'm a known klutz. I tripped halfway down, but somehow managed to land on my knees after doing three awkward somersaults.

Instantly, I had three high schoolers grabbing my hands and asking if I was okay.

I burst into laughter, shaking my head yes. Deidara and Harle were both snorting with laughter at the top and I had no doubts that Sasori was smirking.

Pulling myself together slowly, I shrugged off the people trying to help, eyes searching for the marching band. There.

Just starting to get into position for the pre-game Script Chix formation. I smiled, remembering that for the first year of my marching band career, I thought it was the Stripped Chix.

Our Fearless Leader didn't know how to annunciate his words, okay?

I brushed the grass of my shirt, heading down to the end of the field. The bleachers were set up like a professional football field, so I couldn't actually reach them without jumping down or taking the stairs, but right now I was content hearing them play the fight song.

On the 'visitor' side, a few yards past the end-zone their was a tiny set up of bleachers just for the band, which was what I was heading for. Leaning against the bars, I watched them slowly march off the field to where they would do their warm ups.

"Kontol," I called, smiling crookedly.

My old teacher looked up, giving me a huge, very fake smile. "What are you doing here, Jess? Come to critique my clarinet section?" He asked teasingly. He was a snappy teacher, unafraid to annoy students, which is what made him my favorite.

"I wanted to see how far back your hairline has gotten in the last year," I shot back, swinging my legs over the safety bars.

Kontol chuckled, shaking his head. "You're going to fall and hit your head on of these days."

"Been there, done that." I giggled, jumping down. Tingles shot up my legs as I landed, but it didn't hurt.

Several of the trumpets looked up as I landed, the older ones smiling and waving. I knew when the clarinets noticed me because there was a chorus of 'Jess! Jessie!'.

I smiled at them, winking at my successor. "How's it been going?"

"Oh, you know. Completely stressful and irritating. This one didn't even show up to band camp and you know the first words she said to me?" She pointed at a smiling freshman girl.

"What did she say?"

The girl tapped my shoulder, smiling. "Fearless Leader pointed to my case and asked if it was a clarinet."

"She told me, 'No, it's a trombone,' in the most sarcastic tone _ever_, and then smiled all cutesy as if that made it okay," Annika finished off with a growl. **(A/N, *picks up wine glass* True story.)**

I grinned, winking at the freshman. "Don't worry, honey. Speaking as her Fearless Leader, she deserves all the crap you give her."

The girl laughed, quickly becoming distracted by a trumpet player. Annika and I watched her, both silently shaking our heads.

"She's going to be an interesting one." I noted, looking back at my successor.

Annika frowned, "I know. I'm pretty sure she has a crush on the Second too. He's completely oblivious to that fact, but does that stop him from talking about her none stop?"

"Nope." I guessed, already knowing the answer form her expression. For most people, it was harder to see when people liked you than when someone liked one of your friends.

"They make an adorable couple though. They're just both idiots." Annika sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. A habit she got from me. She took a deep breath before yelling, "WARM UP TIME, CLARINETS."

I gave her a final hug before walking away to Tarah. I found her easily enough, but I had to wait until they finished warmups to tell her that Sasori was here.

Her expression made it all worth it though. She was honestly surprised that he had actually shown up. The huge smile on her face nearly stopped my heart.

There was a smile plastered across my own face as I walked back up the stairs, wondering if Harle would be opposed to spotting me a few bucks for some popcorn.

I love popcorn.

I was casually minding my own flipping business, of course when some hoodlum tried to kill me. Damn kids.

"Jess? Is that you, Jessie? Fearless Leader?" Someone asked to my right. "It is you!" She cheered.

Two arms wrapped around my waist, yanking me off the ground. "Leader! I've missed you so much!"

"Raaaah!" I shouted, trying to make her let me go. I sounded like a velociraptor giving birth.

She let me down on the floor but didn't stop her hug attack. What felt like a piece of wood was digging into my side. "Leader! What are you doing here? No one said you were planning in coming tonight!"

I was finally able to catch a glimpse of her big black doe eyes and dark hair. "Fawn!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around her.

Fawn laughed, dropping her skateboard at her feet and hugging me back enthusiastically. I guess that's what was hurting my back earlier.

True to her name, Fawn resembled a baby deer, in the sense she was petite with big, honest eyes. She also had long dark brown hair that stopped just above her waist.

Currently, it was in a high ponytail, her bangs loose and framing the right side of her face. Now to mention the random splashes of paint that somehow got on her hair. Nice.

She was wearing an ankle length bright orange printed sun dress that complimented her figure to its fullest. Fawn was what most would call... Top heavy, and the strapless dress just highlighted that fact. I'm pretty sure half the guys in the stadium were drooling, and Fawn was completely oblivious.

"Why aren't you down there?" I asked, dragging my eyes from her outfit.

Fawn frowned, pouting as she stepped back from me. She held up her left hand, where her pointer and middle fingers were taped together. "Shark attack," she explained with a smile.

"A shark broke your finger?" I raised my eyebrows, placing my hand on my hip.

Fawn grinned, nodding. "I repainted my skateboard just so I could say that," She stomped her converse clad foot on the edge of the board, somehow managing to make it literally jump into the air.

I yelped in surprise, backing up a step. Fawn laughed, catching the board with her good hand. "It's a good thing I didn't hurt my painting hand, right?"

Wait. Painting. Artist. Plan Hook Up the Akatsuki, is a go! I cheered mentally. "...Yeah. So," I smiled sweetly, remembering that a certain blonde had come with me.

"So...?" Fawn smiled, tracing the outline of a tiger shark on the back of her skateboard.

"You're still a single little painter?" I inquired, grabbing her by the wrist.

She frowned, giving me a strange look, "Well, yeah. Everyone's scared off by my awesomeness."

I smirked, snorting, "Okay, Prussia. Chill out." "Damn straight!" Fawn cheered, smiling cutely. I'm not sure how she managed to pull this off, being that she just cussed, but still looked cute and innocent, but what the hell.

"Come, my dear. I shall introduce you to your future husband... But don't be offended if at any point I try to kill him, okay?" I offered her my hand, smiling flirtatiously.

Fawn laughed, grabbing my shoulders to push me down instead. I complied stumbling a little when she jumped on my back, piggy style.

"Go, fine stead! Find my princey boy." She ordered, pointing in a random direction.

The trek back up the stairs was hard on my thighs, considering I now had a seventeen year old girl on my back and a skateboard, but other than her chest, Fawn really wasn't that heavy. She was barely four foot nine, for god's sake.

Speaking of that... Was it wrong when the four-nine booster seat law passed I asked her if she needed Lucky's old chair?

Probably. I didn't regret it though.

Sasori was the first to notice me, becuase Deidara and Harle appeared to be fighting over an order of French fries.

Fawn leaned around my neck, using her free hand to grab three fries out of Deidara's hands. The stupid blonde was so concentrated on Harle he didn't notice the super cute artist eating out the palm of his hand.

"What are they fighting about?" I asked the redhead curiously, nodding as Fawn offered me a free fry.

"He used Harle's money to pay for the... French fries, be he won't share with her." Sasori explained, eyes flickering to Fawn. "Who's this?"

Fawn offered him a fry too, smiling, "My name's Fawn. I assume you're Sasori?"

He declined the offer for fries, looking confused, "How do you know my name?" I was wondering the same thing, because I didn't think Fawn watched much anime. I mean, unless someone was bragging...

"You'd be surprised how much information you can get out of Tarah during art. She was a blushing mess, rest assured." Fawn laughed, stealing another few fries. Deidara was down to four.

Intelligence.

"Fawnee!" I scolded, flicking her forehead.

Sasori smirked, walking past me. If I had a million dollars, I'd bet every last one of them it was to go talk to Tarah. Surprise, surprise.

"Saso- Where'd he go?" Harle relented, suddenly confused.

Fawn went the last fries out of Deidara's palm, only to have Deidara curl his fingers around her wrist. He glared at me as if I was the one stealing from him, "What the hell, un?"

I held up both my hands, "It's not me, Sherlock."

"Why is your hand licking me?" Fawn asked curiously, scooching higher on my back. I rolled my eyes, pulling her up higher.

Deidara blushed, releasing her hand, "Ehh, sorry, un. They do that."

"Be thankful they didn't bite you," I added ruefully, shooting him a glare.

"Does he always say 'un'? 'Cuz it's kinda cute, right?" Fawn whispered in my ear, eyes locked on Deidara.

I snorted, dropping her legs on the floor. She clung to me like a spider monkey, her skateboard pressing into my collarbone. "Owww, get off me, bitch." I whined.

Fawn rolled her eyes, reluctantly hopping down. She dropped her board on my foot, while she straightened out her dress and yanked the boob-hugging top back up.

_Ahem, Fawn, there are men present. I'm pretty sure Deidara's having a heart attack_. I nudged the bomber, straight-faced as I teased, "You can pick your jaw off the floor now, blondie. Her boobs aren't even the best part."

Deidara bristled, glaring at me. "What are you talking about, hmm?"

"Fawn likes art." I grabbed a streak of blue paint-hair, gently reclaiming her attention.

She smiled, mimicking, "He's cute, un."

The blonde was completely still, staring at Fawn. Taking advantage of this was too easy, as Fawn also noticed. She grabbed the last four fries before he could react, and darted off.

Stupid boy clearly didn't get the silent message.

I punched him. "Go catch her idiot. That's the whole point."

He grinned, fast walking after her. He was _clearly_ too cool for running. Yeah. Sure.

That left me with Harle, who was now talking to some random football mom with a baby. The child clung to Harle, just like every other child did. Call me weird, but I was extremely jealous of her ability to be around animals and kids.

Because of my... What I am, they scream and cry whenever I'm near. Animals are the same, they rush off and hide from me. Kinda kills the Pocahontas dream, doesn't it?

The only reason I could keep my goldfish was because they couldn't run away.

Even at the fucking zoo, all the animals ran dove for cover when my group went to see them. Eventually I decided that I was feeling 'ill', so I ditched them. They had much better results after I left.

I yanked out my phone, slowly walking down the steps back to the walkway. As expected, children from four and below took one look at me and their instincts screamed for the to get away.

Older people were dumb. They didn't listen to instincts, they listened to the little voice in thier head whispering promises of danger.

Stupid humans.

I sighed, leaning against the cold metal bar. With the click of a button, He is We drowned out the world through my Hello Kitty headphones.

'Kiss it all better, I'm not ready to go. It's not your fault, love, you didn't know.' I hummed along, lips pulled down.

M Now that I'd started, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I wasn't exactly sad... I was just mournful of the person I could've been. If I hadn't been born... The way I was, I could've gotten along with babies. I could've not terrified every smart organism I came across.

Truth be told, that's why I let the kittens stay with me. They didn't react like normal animals, which I suppose was because they weren't normal animals.

The only animals to ever get along with me and they're not animals. Those fuckers.

Most of the time, losing myself in the music was easy, but right now, I felt like I was trapped. Too many people, too many noises, too much everything.

I was also very aware of what felt like my ovaries having a fist fight with my kidneys. Dammit.

I was suddenly very thankful that I rode my bike here, while the others crowded into Harle's truck. I sent her a text, asking her to take everyone home later and explaining that I wasn't feeling to hot.

Blame hormones.

It was almost sunset as I walked back to my bike, after making an emergency stop at the bathroom, where I confirmed my suspicions.

_Why couldn't I have been born a boy?_

Almost everyone was in the living room when I finally got home, aside from the ones still at the game, Kakuzu, and Zetsu.

I curled against Kisame's side, glaring at everyone in the room. Tobi was on he floor, playing on my DS.

Konan silently raised her eye brows, casually pressing her hand against her stomach. I nodded, mouthing 'you too?' back.

She scowled, nodding.

'Are you okay?' I asked without noise.

'Yeah, upstairs bathroom.' She smiled, clearly embarrassed.

Even Itachi, who could read lips perfectly, had no idea what the hell we were talking about. Hidan finally broke the silence by asking very loudly, "What the hell are you guys doing?"

I rolled my eyes, pulling a blanket down from the top of the couch. "You're so fucking lucky you're a guy, Hida-chan." I complained, pulling Kisame's arm around me so I could cuddle his side.

Konan was similarly leaning against Pein's side with an annoyed expression on her face. The shark man chuckled, giving me a strange look. "What do you mean by that?"

"You've clearly never been through what I'm going through." I sighed, poking Tobi. "Can you go get Izaya-chan and Kona-chan some candy bars from the stash in our room, Tobi-kun?"

Intelligent people like Itachi and Pein knew not to ask any farther than that, Hidan didn't. "What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't answer the damn question!" He looked honestly confused.

I shook my head, laughing. "Hidan, there's this magical thing that girls are forced through every fucking month, where it hurts like hell and you want to puke and you're really emotional for a whole fucking god damned week."

"And you crave fattening foods, even though you already feel like a whale." Konan added, frowning as she pressed her hand against her stomach. Not even being a ninja can help you now, sweetheart.

"And the best part... You're consistently bleeding for the while time." I finished, taking the chocolate bar from Tobi. I threw a Snickers at Konan.

Hidan tilted his head to the side, eyes sweeping my body as if he expected both Konan and me to be mortally wounded or some shit. I wish.

I rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my candy bar. Kisame was eyeing it. Being the kind person I am, I offered him a bite, although I quickly regretted it after half my candy disappeared.

It was strangely quiet with no one arguing and Tobi distracted by Pokémon. "I'm bored." I announced, pouting up at Kisame. He just shrugged, glancing back at the TV.

"You guys wanna watch Naruto?" I asked suddenly, noticing my laptop charging in the corner of the room. I didn't care that it would be considered 'reckless'. If I had my way, it wouldn't matter if they watched it with me because they wouldn't be going home.

I didn't bother waiting for an answer as I wondered over there, going on to my favorite online amine website. Hooking the laptop into the flatscreen, the first episode of Naruto popped on.

The opening with Little Naruto all by himself almost made me cry... Stupid hormones. God.

Kisame was looking at me like I was crazy, while Itachi was watchful the screen intently. Oh, yeah. That's his little brother isn't it? Cute.

Pein and Konan ended up leaving after the first episode, because Konan was sleepy and Pein just followed her.

Itachi was probably trying to make it seem causal, but he put his book down at any part his beloved little brother was in, which I found adorable.

Hidan was complaining that they were weak little genin, although when the first fight with Zabuza popped up, he seemed a little more excited. Kisame was acting as my pillow, so I didn't really pay attention to his reaction, although I would guess he liked the fights as much as Hidan and I did.

At some point, I fell asleep leaning against the fish-man, my head buried in his side and my arms wrapped around his middle. My legs were clinging to Tobi, after he abandoned his game to watch the show after the third episode just started.

I was happy.


	8. Chapter 8 Speechless much?

**Ten space bucks to who ever the hell can geuss the song at the end.**

**That's all. **

**I love all my fans though! I'm just sleepy, and I just back from the ER, which let me tell you, is not fun at all. Did you guys know that steroids and Benadryl are very conflicting to have in your system at the same time? It sucks. **

**Oh, ****_and_**** the nurse didn't even know how to put an IV in properly. I got blood all over my fucking arm. Not cool. **

**Anyway, I'm done ranting! ENJOY. **

* * *

"Harle?"

"Hmmm?"

"Come here. I need to show you something." I held up my phone, lips pursed together in a perfect line.

Harle groaned, barely glancing up from her book- cough, fifty shades of grey, cough. She was actually pretty smart about it too, she put a Harry Potter book cover over it so no one would suspect it was actually smut. "Why?"

"Come here, little miss 'I was born on January twenty third.' I found something on Pinterest that may or may not lead to your death."

She sighed, begrudgingly standing up to walk all the way across the room to where I was hanging out in the corner like a creeper with my cell and laptop.

I brightened the screen, showing the the pin I had found on a Naruto board.

It was a chart of what chakra type you would be, sorted by the month you were born in. For example, Deidara was July's person. October's person was none other than Uchiha Sasuke.

I was Sasuke. Dammit.

The reason I wanted to show it to Harle though, is because the January person was even funnier. Uchiha Itachi.

Harle leaned down, grabbing the phone the steady it. Understanding flitted across her face, and fear. "Oh, shit." Her eyes widened as she took a step back, paling.

Probably because I was grinning wickedly, but hey. I'm not a telepath.

I fell forward, crouching on all fours. "You know want this means, dear brother?" I growled, tacking her to the ground.

"Brother?" Konan asked, tilting her head to the side.

I pushed Harle to the ground, straddling her waist and pinning her arms beneath my legs. Throwing the phone at Konan, I explained, "My birthday is in October. Harle's is January twenty third."

"Itachi! Help a twin out!" Harle yelled, struggling. I snorted, mockingly checking my nails.

Konan was giggling to herself, now scrolling through the many saved pictures I had on my phone. Most of them were fandom related.

The black haired Uchiha appeared at the bottom of the stairs, asking uninterestedly, "Yes, Harle?"

"She's trying to kill me. Can you help me out?"

I gave him a sharp glare, shaking my head. "It's to avenge my clan. You really shouldn't become involved." I told him mock wisely.

His eyes narrowed slightly, glancing at Konan. She just shrugged, turning back to my phone.

"Close the door on your way out! We have to discuss love interests next." Harle yelled after him, smiling at Konan before darting into the kitchen.

If you're wondering where the men are, which I'm sure you are, because I mean they're the Akatsuki, they're all in the basement. Harle banished them there under the argument girls needed girls time, especially during that time of the month. She's nice like that.

Unknown to Sasori and Deidara, Tarah, Fawn, and Alex were planning on showing up later. Alex promised to come after her gig tonight, and Tarah and Fawn had to do chores.

All in all, it was becoming a rather promising night.

I scoffed, holding my hand up for the phone, "Konan." I called, smiling. She chucked it back at me, which I just barely caught. "Thanks." I murmured, gently taking the screen to switch it back to temple run.

"Turn on the music. We don't want them over hearing anything," Harle demanded, plopping down next to Konan with a cup of hot chocolate held tightly in her hands.

Harle didn't really like coffee, while I would survive on it if I could. I sighed, switching back to my soundtracks. Does everyone have a problem with me beating my high score?

"Pin your wings?" I asked finally.

"I like the one you had on earlier, Jess-chan. 'She said I am the one.'" Konan requested sheepishly, looking embarrassed.

I blinked, "She said I am the one, but the kid is not my son?"

She nodded. I looked at Harle for her vote. "Konan likes MJ?"

"Breathe Carolina version. Punk goes pop number like three trillion of some shit," I clicked on it, a small smile on my lips. "So... PLI's?"

Harle laughed, "Oh, man. Our freshman selves would be proud."

I grinned, winking. "Our freshman selves were proud enough, don't cha think?" We both laughed, smiling at each other.

I had the feeling Konan was feeling left out though, so I settled down quickly, "Anyway. Konan. I need this confirmed. You like Pein, right?"

Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting this question right off the bat. I smirked, leaning my cheek on my palm.

"Well?"

"E-eh. Jess-chan, is it really appropriate to ask such a question?" Konan stuttered, blushing bright pink. It clashed with her hair oddly.

I laughed, "Of course! It's a sleepover! That's the whole point! And, if you're like me, to devise completely fool-proof plans that are impossible to weasel out of. Trust me."

"That's what we do in 'Merica!" Harle added, developing a southern twang. "We ain't like them Japanese and sissyen' 'round the bush."

I shook my head at her, scolding, "You do realize that was not only completely racist, but it didn't even make any damn sense."

"Sorry, but it's true." Harle giggled, ruining any seriousness she had when she apologized.

"On be half of everyone in Japan, Baka." I replied solemnly, clicking on the next song. "I feel like we got off topic." I noted, looking at an all to pleased Konan.

"Kooooooonnnnaaaaaan." Harle drawled.

The blueette was almost too happy when the doorbell rang. _Saved by the bell._ I snickered to myself, my hand pressed against my mouth as I walked to the door.

Tarah wanted patently, twirling a metal rose, complete with thorns, between her fingers.

Fawn was on the ground behind her, eyes wide, her fingers twitching as if she wanted to sketch out my house. Knowing her, that's probably what she was doing too. Mentally sketching everything out.

I wouldn't be surprised if the next painting she emailed me was of one my trees.

"Hi Jess! I carpooled with Tarah, so that's why we got here at the same time. Tell Dei I said hi!" Fawn jumped up, darting up the stairs. She already knew the chances of having Fawn and Dei time were slim. It was a sleepover, though..

"So I noticed!" I yelled back dryly, rolling my eyes. I looked back at Tarah, tilting my head to the side. "You want me to give that to Danna?" I asked casually, plucking the flower from her fingers.

"U-um, I mean, sure." Her shy reverted at the mention of Sasori.

_Looks like my plan was working purrrrfectly_. Cue the evil laughter.

Get it, because they used to be cats and perfect sounds like- Never mind. Just disregard that last thought. I'm an idiot.

"Go upstairs. I banished the boys to the basement, so you don't have to worry." I nodded at the stairs case, heading towards the basement door. Most of the Akatauki looked up when I reached the bottom, probably expecting me to revoke thier prison sentence. Bitch, please.

"Danna," I threw the wicked looking rose at his face.

He caught it easily, giving me a questioning look. "Why?"

"Tarah wanted me to give that to you, because she wants to jump your bones. Deidara, Fawnee says hi, and I know for a fact she wants kids, so you try to sneak upstairs or something using your ninjaness... Well." I shrugged, smiling devilishly.

Deidara paled, sitting back down.

"Bye-bye! Oh, and Pein-san, if you hear your name anytime in the near future, it's totally not because we're setting you up or anything. Kay?" I added, slamming the door behind me.

Harle was waiting at the top of the stairs, eyes glittering with barely contained laughter. "That. Was so unbelievingly casual, I don't even know what to say."

"Always."

We ran back up the stairs, laughing quietly.

In the living room, Tarah was a blushing mess talking to Konan, which considering its Tarah is predictable. I'm betting on Fawn being in the kitchen.

I settled down on the couch between Konan and Tarah, Harle falling on my lap. "Konan, this is Tarah, she's crunching on Sasori-Danna. Tarah, this is Konan-chan, who we all know is crushing on Pien." Both girls blushed, lightly hitting my arms.

I blinked, suddenly noticing the similarities between the two of them. Huh.

"Leader! Can we make cupcakes?" Fawn suddenly asked, her head popping out of the kitchen.

"Friendship cupcakes?" I guessed, shaking my head.

"Well, or love cupcakes, depending on Deidara's manliness." She smirked, giving me a dangerous smile.

Harle stood up, diminishing any hopes she had as she explained, "Jess threatened him with his fertility, so friendship cupcakes it is."

"Good times. Good times." I nodded, pulling Tarah to her feet. Konan followed suit, looking mildly confused.

"Cupcakes are exactly what they sound like, cakes put into mini cups." I told her. She nodded, following everyone to the kitchen.

The doorbell rang once again just after we finished blending the batter.

Fawn was surprisingly knowledgable with baking, although it was in her nature to get red food coloring all over herself. She also managed to get some on my forehead, which then turned into a challenge to make it look like the kanji for love.

I was Gaara's long lost twin, according to Harle.

Alex's first reaction was to poke my forehead, checking if it was really there. "What the hell?" She asked, steeping into my house.

"Red velvet cupcakes. Clearly." I offered weakly, smiling.

She snorted with laughter. "Of course. Should I start calling you Kazekage too?"

"Leaf Brat." I snapped back, pushing my bangs out of my face. "Or... Sound, I guess? Because you're a DJ..."

"Don't associate me with that snake pedophile." Alex shivered in mock disgust. I laughed, heading back upstairs.

This was going to be fun.

I groaned, shifting once again in bed. Why the hell couldn't I get to sleep you ask? I don't fucking know.

From across the room, laying on one of my beanbag chairs, Harle chucked a pillow at my face. I threw it back at her, growling, "I can't get comfortable! It's not cool at all!"

"Neither's your consent bitching." Harle sleepily replies. "Just go get Tobi, you needy idiot. I'm sleeping in the loft with Alex." She stood up, taking the beanbag and my Sesshoumaru fur with her.

I blinked.

_Oh_.

Sighing, I made the trek back to the basement, where unsurprisingly, they were still making a ton of noise.

It was only twelve, but Tarah, Fawn, and Harle were all students, so Alex and I agreed to go to sleep a little early.

I sleepily walked into the basement, not bothering to greet the people still watching TV. I could hear Deidara's complaining about Tobi from the top of the stairs.

Storming into the second bedroom in the basement. I found Fawn completely out cold curled in a blanket on the bed and Deidara trying to 'quietly' get Tobi to leave.

Fawn could sleep through a tsunami though, so he really didn't have have thing to worry about.

Tobi latched into my neck the second I entered, which made things harder. I slowly pealed him off, only to grab him around the middle and yank him into a fireman carry.

Being barely human had its advantages.

"Let's let sempai enjoy his last day as a man, okay, Tobi-kun?" I asked pleasantly, sending Deidara a glare after meaningfully looking at Fawn.

"How... How the hell can you carry him, un?" Deidara stuttered.

Blinking away sleep, I frowned lightly. "If I told you that I'd have to explain who my father is, and I'm sleepy. Night-night!"

Tobi laughed, poking my back. "Izaya-chan is strong!" He cheered.

I laughed, trying not to drop him. "Yeah. Tobi-kun is heavy."

The Akatsuki looked up as I entered, shock clear on their faces.

_Becuase they had so much room to talk_, I sneered internally. Instead, I tilted my head to the side, "Don't question it."

Walking up both flights of stairs was tricky, becuase my weight was uneven, but we eventfully made it to my room. I dropped Tobi onto the bed, following suit.

I got comfy while Tobi took off his mask and pulled the blanket over me. Cute. I smiled, thankful that Harle had decided to leave. I doubted Tobi would tuck me in of she was here.

He'd probably be trying to convince her to join us.

Tobi wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. "Izaya-chan is sexy when she acts like that," He murmured into my hair, using the same 'un-Tobi like' voice he sometimes used.

I didn't know what to say. _Tobi is sexy when he acts like this?_ Somehow, I thought that would ruin the moment.

Tobi, undaunted by my silence, tilted my face up to look at me. I could barely make out the contours of his face in the dim lighting of my hello kitty alarm clock. "Izaya-chan kissed Tobi."

I nodded, trying to pick up where he was going with this.

"Does Izaya-chan like Tobi?" He finally asked after searching my face much like I was his. Both were perfect poker faces.

Tobi's hand on my chin prevented me from moving, although I wanted to back up a little. My heart felt like to was going to explode, but looking at Tobi's calm eyes, I couldn't help but feel safe.

"Does Tobi-kun like Izaya-chan?" I finally responded, still reeling from where this conversation had gone.

"I asked you first," Tobi childishly shot back, smirking. He just used pronouns!

I don't really know of I like Tobi. I guess I did... Maybe. I liked the way way he said my name, and every minute we spent together. My heart flutters when he grabbs my hand, and I needed him to fall asleep.

Right now, though, all I really knew was that I wanted to kiss him. A real kiss, not like that peck on the lips of the last time.

I gave into it after a split second of deliberation, kissing him that is.

Moving one hand to grab his chin like he had mine, I yanked him lower, just enough to make contact. Tobi made a surprised noise, using his free hand to tangle it in my hair.

I smiled into the kiss, realizing this wasn't the answer he expected. At all. And strangely, I had the feeling both of us liked this one better than yes or no.

Tobi pulled away slowly, still holding my face, although now his hand cupped my cheek in a sort of caress. I studied his expression, noting that his eyes seemed brighter now. He smirked. "I like that answer."

"I asked you a question too," I growled playfully, pouting.

Tobi raised his eyebrows, moving closer once again. "Well, I guess I'll have to give you an answer then, Jessie."

Embarrassingly enough, I shivered at the way he said my name, blushing.

Tobi chuckled, reclaiming my lips. I hummed happily, moving my lips against his.

We didn't get any farther than that before we broke away, both looking at each other expectantly. I giggled, hiding my face in his neck.

Somehow, one of my arms had become wrapped around his neck, while both of his hands were tangled in my hair, pulling me closer. One moved from the base of my neck to trail down my back, stopping at my waist, thankfully.

We fell asleep like that, neither of us willing to move an inch.

"Jess." Something was poking me.

"Jess." Another poke.

"Jess." Poke.

Still, I ignored them, snuggling closer to my personal heater. He tightened his grip on me in response, his hair tickling my nose.

Someone else sighed, "Just let her sleep, Fawn-chan. If you wake her up, you'll wake Tobi up too, un."

"Je-."

"I will rip out your vocal chords if you say Jess one more time, Fawnee." I snapped, not bothering to move so she could see me. The blankets were situated in a little cocoon over Tobi and me.** (A/N and yes, it is Tobi and ME. Not Tobi and I. Don't get sassy.) **

"Violent." She muttered, quietly back away. The door slammed shut behind them.

I tried going back to sleep, only to be interrupted by Tobi tickling my side. I glowered at him, "Stop it."

"Izaya-chan is only supposed to be like that with me." He demanded, looking a lot like a sullen puppy.

"Like what?"I asked, sitting up on my elbows. I was completely lost. Even more so than last night when he asked if I liked him.

Tobi pulled me back down, kissing me roughly. Well, not exactly rough, but not gentle like yesterday either. Unable and admittedly, unwilling to curb reaction, I kissed him back eagerly.

Pulling away, he gave me a satisfied smirk, gently tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. "Like that. All vicious and sexy as hell," He growled, glaring at me.

I snickered, laying my head back down not he pillow. "I seriously it think you're the only one to think my threatening is 'sexy', Tobi-kun."

He chuckled, pulling me back against his chest, "Go back to sleep. Tobi is tired... And irritated." He slipped back into third person.

"Izaya-chan is sleepy too... And annoyed." I mimicked, rubbing my cheek against his under armour clad shirt.

Our nap was short lived, as Lucky ran inside, the door banging noisily against my wall as he threw it open. "JESSICA, GET YOUR LAZY-ASS UP PR I SAY I'LL TELL THEM WHO YOU-KNOW-WHO IS."

I was up instantly, although it was hard to tell from where Lucky was standing. Only Tobi could see my wide eyes. "You better fucking kidding, you jerk!" I snapped.

"Tobi thinks you could come up with a better insult than 'jerk'." Tobi noted, now using his normal voice.

"I will muzzle you," I snapped, pulling the blanket off my face to show my brother that I was, in fact, awake. Tobi just pressed his face into my back, his warm breath making me shiver.

Lucky tapped his foot impatiently. "You know, when I got home this morning, I expected you to have the decency to actually be awake and make your friends breakfast like a good host."

"This morning? You're bitching me out when you were the one to stay out all night!?"

"I didn't invite friends over." He narrowed his eyes, noticing that there was someone else in my bed.

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "I think the guy you were swapping saliva with would beg to differ."

He shifted uneasily, looking away. "I have no idea what you're talking about," He sniffed, tilting his head to the side to look at my Inuyasha poster.

"You realize I can see the hickey he left on your neck, right?" I asked dryly.

"He left a- dammit." Lucky cursed, now blushing.

"Dammit is right." I snapped, laying back down. "I'm going back to sleep." Tobi snuggled closer to my back, his arms securely wrapped around my waist.

Lucky scoffed, ripping the blanket off me. Tobi had enough foresight to grab a corner, using it to cover the part of his face not squished against my back.

I whined, suddenly way too aware of how chilly Michigan is in the fall. "You cold hearted bastard! Gimme my blanket back." I whimpered, shivering for effect.

He laughed, slamming the door shut as he sashayed out.

I sighed, trying to sit up. Tobi made a mumbling noise, using his superninja strength to keep me in place.

"What?" I asked, relaxing slightly.

"Stay here." He mumbled more clearly.

"Nope. It's time to get up." I struggled to get out, finally managing to work my way under his arm and onto the floor.

Tobi sighed, sitting up to grab his mask from the bedside table. I jumped onto his lap before he could cover his face, planting a soft kiss on his lips.

I'm a healthy twenty year old. Don't judge me.

Tobi smiled, once again tangle his hand in my hair. He seemed to like doing that.

Somehow, I ended up wasting another five minutes just kissing Tobi it my heart content, which Tobi had no qualms with.

Taking a step back form the bed, I took a deep breath. "Okay, you better put that mask on before I break my promise to my bother."

He slipped the mask back on before responding, slightly teasingly, "What promise, Izaya-chan?"

"The one about not trying to make baby Tobi's." I smirked, darting out of the room before he could properly respond.

Harle was laying across the island in the kitchen, looking held dead as she stared down Luck, who was minding his own business making pancakes. I made myself a cup of coffee before settling down next to her.

Deidara's yelling told me Tobi had officially woken up.

Alex walked into the kitchen, her face pinched in annoyance. "I can't believe you live here."

"I knoooow," Harle moaned, shaking her head.

I laughed, taking a sip of my coffee. "Do you always wear make up to breakfast?" Alex asked quizzically, grabbing her own cup of coffee.

I raised my eyebrows, "Huh?"

"You're wearing lipstick, aren't you?"

"... No." I pursed said lips, trying my darnedest to look fucking casual.

"Uh-huh. So, it's natural?" She rolled her eyes, pushing Harle farther down the bench. Harle didn't even react.

I smiled, laughing to myself. I stood up, hopping to onto the counter top to grab the leftover cupcakes I had hid up there. "You could say that..."

Before anyone commented on my not so love life, I yanked out my phone, clicking on the first song my finger landed on. The familiar acoustic guitar came on, drowning out any other noise.

"He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes, starting make his way past two in the morning, he hasn't been sober for days." I sung along, swaying ever so slightly. "Leaning now, in the breeze, remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees."

"Who could deny these butterflies?" Harle asked me with a small smile. We fell silent waiting for my favorite part.

"Oh, I can see now! That all of these clouds, are following me on my desperate end ever to find my whoever, wherever she may be!"


	9. Chapter 9 Finding Nemo!

**Me; Okay, lovelies! We got a brand new chapter! **

**Jess; They know that, idiot. **

**Me; Shut up, and go make out with Tobi or something. I'm sleepy, okay?**

**Tobi; You should have coffee then, Jen-chan! **

**Me; -_- I don't own anything, other than some five gum and lots of sparkles. And my Glitter Stripper. ^_^ We had a Super Natural sleepover party yesterday. **

**Jess; That's your lame excuse for not updating yesterday? ****_Castiel_****? ...well, actually that's a pretty good excuse. I can't blame you. **

* * *

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Lucky asked.

I glanced up, blinking slowly. "What does it look like?" I responded slowly, confused.

Lucky sighed, shaking his head with an amused smirk. "Well, you're sitting in a jacuzzi, in a bikini, with your legs wrapped around a seventeen year old boy and your hands in his hair... It looks pretty shady."

Deidara laughed, "Don't worry, she's not raping me, un." He yelped as I pinched his arm.

"Don't worry, I don't like blondes, un. I'm giving him a hot oil message." I explained, picking up the glass container of specialized oil as proof. Coconut oil, dried rose petals, carrot seed oil, and lemon juice, if you were wondering. Mine had black berries instead of lemon juice.

"Uh-huh. And why should I trust you not to rape my sister?" Lucky pointed to Deidara, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"You can't rape the willing," I teased, leaning over to kiss Deidara's cheek. The blonde blushed, swatting me away.

It was all in good fun, our teasing. Surprisingly, in the last two days, it was Deidara and I who've gotten closest. In the sense I know trusted him to a certain extant, and we were able to talk freely about most things. 'Course, there was an unspoken rule that nothing we told each other left the confines of my room.

I'm pretty sure the only reason we get along so well is because most of the time, we end up doing something like this, doing each others hair and playing on my cell phone.

Lucky paled, "You horn dog. He's not even legal."

"That's why Tobi's sleeping in my bed and not Deidara. 'Sides, he's got Fawnee, right Dei-kun?" I brushed it off, rolling my eyes.

"... I hope so, yeah. You know what she said when I asked her opinion of art?" He answered, tilting his head back to look at me with both his startlingly blue eyes. I made him take off the scope, for fear it would brake if it got oil on it. He said it would be fine, but complied anyway.

"That art is anything that makes you happy. Music, painting, photographs... Explosions." I smiled, flicking his nose.

He grinned back sheepishly, nodding. "Thanks, hmm."

My smile faltered, knowing that he was being completely honest. He didn't look very happy about it either. The only reason I wanted to set them up was I selfishly wanted them to stay here.

I rolled my eyes, smiling fondly. "You're welcome, yeah."

"Are you making fun of me, un?" Deidara splashed hot water at me, glaring.

Coughing, I punched him in the arm, "Yeah." Damn ninja don't even bat an eye. He just kinda snorted with laughter, shaking is head at my weakness. I growled, yanking a strand of blonde hair.

Lucky held up his hands, sighing exasperatedly, "Look, this is really cute and shit, but seriously. Should I be worried?"

I sighed, unhooking my legs from Deidara's waist and standing up. "Don't wash that out until I say so." I ordered Deidara, who just closed his eyes and leaned against the wall.

"Come," I grabbed Luck by his collar, dragging him out of the room.

"I don't see how bullying me will answer my question." He complained as I marched down stairs in my jungle print bikini.

Aside from Deidara, the rest of the Akatsuki were outside, doing what they called training, which I actually thought was just an excuse to beat the hell out of each other. Like me and Sasori.

"Tobi!" I barked, releasing Luck to cross my arms over my chest. That's just because I was irritable, by the way. I really didn't care if any of the Akatsuki saw me in a bikini. Well, at least not right now. I was too annoyed to care. Any other time, I'd probably throw on a towel or something. Maybe.

"Jess... I really don't see how this is proving anything." Lucky mumbled.

Tobi darted darted to my side, grabbing one of my hands in his, "Is Izaya-chan okay? Why is Izaya-chan wearing that outside? Tobi thinks-"

While he was talking I leaned forward, using my free hand to yank his mask to the side just enough to see the bottom of his face and covered his mouth with my own before anyone could see it coming. Well, _maybe_ Itachi, but he clearly wasn't expecting it.

I kissed him.

_I kissed Tobi_. Right in front of everyone.

Like. A. Boss.

Pulling back quickly and righting his mask, I gave Lucky a satisfied smirk. "Toldja you shouldn't be worried about Deidara. I've said before I'm not into blondes."

Hidan was the first to react, making a harsh wolf whistle. "Well, fuck."

I smiled at them, waving. "What do you guys want for dinner, by the way? Deidara says he wants spaghetti, but if you guys want a thing else..."

_Silence_.

"Do I even want to know what you two were arguing about?" Pein finally asked.

"He was questioning my resolve not to jump Deidara's bones. Because clearly if we're doing each others hair, we're gonna fuck. Makes perfect sense." I replied sarcastically, shooting a stunned Lucky a glare.

"And Tobi was your guy of choice to prove this wrong?" Konan inquired, looking meaningfully at the other available Akatsuki members.

I shrugged, wrapping my arms around the once again fully masked Tobi and leaning against him. "Izaya-chan likes Tobi the best. And Kisame, because he's like a fishy and 'fish are friends, not food.' You know?"

"Were you playing with Sasori's poisons or something?" Kisame raised his eyebrows, giving me a grade A 'are you fucking insane' look.

"No. But, they don't do anything anyway. Silly fishy." I assured, swinging my hand intwined with Tobi's in the air.

Sasori made noise similar to a snort, but he's Sasori, so obviously that's not what it was. _Obviously_. He's way to cool for that. "Any of my poisons would take you out easily."

I cocked my head to the side. "I haven't lied to you before, Danna. I'm not sure why I would now," I growled, glaring.

"Jessica," Lucky snapped, shaking his head.

I rolled my eyes, stepping away from Tobi. I blew them kisses over my shoulder as I skipped away. Like a child, my friends.

As soon as I was back in the house, I relaxed, darting back up the stairs and into my bathroom, where Deidara was playing on my feel phone. He glanced up, raising his eye brows at me expression. "Why you blushing, hmm?"

"I kissed Tobi to prove that I'm not going to jump you," I giggled, sliding in next to him to look over his shoulder at what he was going.

Ahhh. Angry birds.

He flung the blue one before replying, "Fun. You actually like him or something, un?"

"You're his 'sempai', not mine. I don't need to tell you." I sniffed, reaching around him to fling a black bomb birdie.

"I told you about Fawn, yeah." His eyes shined at the mention of Fawn. Down right adorable.

"Fine," I sighed, standing up to wash the oil out of my hair. "I guess I could, possibly, like him or whatever. But I mean, we know next to nothing about each other aside from superficial stuff like favorite foods and stuff, not to mention that were not even the same species!"

Fuck. I just totally gave that away.

"Explain." Deidara demanded after a pause.

"Just sec," I told him, quickly rinsing all the oil out of my hair. I wrapped it back in a towel before sitting on the edge of the jacuzzi, my feet dangling in the water.

Deidara looked up at me expectantly. "If you don't tell I'll make my hands bite you, un," He threatened, making me shiver.

"No need for that. ...It's just, I haven't even told Harle." I sighed. "... I'm not, fully, human. Like, it makes your hand mouths seem minor, kind of thing."

"I'm not sure if I should be offended, un." Deidara put down my cell to watch me with his large blue eyes, calmly waiting for an answer.

I scowled, steeling my resolve. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

He nodded, giving me his childish smile. I leaned forward, very quietly whispering in his ear. "Are you serious, un?" He finally asked, tilting his head to the side.

"As you are about art, my friend." I replied, frowning. I didn't like telling people. Not at all. "Now, you wanna go shopping with me, or what?"

"I'm not gay, you know. I just like my hair being pretty, yeah." He replied breezily, turning back to the phone.

I pouted, standing up to get dressed again. Well, as dressed as I was getting on my day off. Hot pink athletic shorts and a camo spaghetti strap tank-top that said 'vegetarian, old Indian word for bad hunter.' Zetsu thought it was hilarious.

It was the last day of my short break, which meant tomorrow I was going back to work. The girls had gone back home, leaving me with a bunch of crazy criminals.

"Put on Satellites," I demanded, slipping into my closet.

Deidara was back in a pair of jeans when I got back, laying lazily across my bed, the phone held above his head. Kellin Quinn's voice was blasting from the speakers.

"You're weird, un." I told him, crashing onto the bed next to him.

"Are you sure you're not mocking me, un?" Deidara tore his gaze from the phone to glare at me. We both knew I was mocking him.

I shrugged, pulling the phone from him. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Your hair looks gorgeous though, hmm." Deidara huffed, tilting the screen do we could both look at it.

We stayed like that for another hour or so, chatting and breaking high scores on Angry Birds.

Konan's blue head popped in, watching Deidara and I interact curiously. "Do you guys wanna come downstairs for dinner? I made pizza."

If you're wondering, I was the one who taught her how to make pizza, although I don't really favor it myself.

"Sure." Deidara stood up, plugging the phone into the charger for me. He then held out his hand out for me, smirking. "Come on, stupid, yeah."

I snorted. "I think we both know which one of us is the stupid blonde, un."

"I hate you too." He winked, walking ahead of me.

Smirking inwardly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hopping onto his back before he could manage a proper compliant. "Giddy-up, Deidara!" I commanded.

He growled a reply, still reaching back to pick up my legs. "You suck, hmm."

"I know... and I'm strangely okay with that. I'm not okay with your hands licking my legs though. Now, that's shady." I snickered, much to the blonde's chagrin. He didn't comment as we walked down the stairs, him muttering curses the whole way.

He walked to the living room before dropping me down on the couch, right on Hidan. The Jashinist gave me look, but shrugged, taking another bite of what looked like pizza with bacon on it. Oh, Konan.

Konan, Konan, Konan.

I waited patently, not at all surprised when Deidara came back with a Greek Yogurt container for me. I dropped to the couch, using Hidan's leg as a pillow while I licked my yogurt and flicked through the TV options.

I finally just got up and put in Finding Nemo, staring at Kisame creepily. He just looked away, pretending he didn't even notice me. Oh, please. We both know that's not true.

The main screen had Dory on it. I pressed play, skipping through all the opening crap.

The first question was, "Why the fuck are the fish talking?" Hidan asked.

"Ask Kisame. I don't know," I replied, throwing my empty cup at the waste basket. I silently cheered when it bounced off the rim and made it in.

Kisame stretched across the gap between the to couches just to pinch me. I ignored him, glaring at the stupid ass barracuda now filling the screen. "Stupid bitch!" I growled at it, hiding my face in Hidan's lap.

"Why are you swearing at the TV, un?"

"Did you see that? That bastard just ate all Marlin's and Pearl's babies! That idiotic son of a bitch couldn't even spare the babies? I mean, when you think about, they're probably not that filling anyway, so why the hell did he eat them? Where's the logic behind them? I mean, like, fucking sharks, they know what they're doing, goin after big things like seals and shit, but baby clown fish? Really?" I ranted, pouting childishly.

"Fucking sharks know what they're doin." Deidara repeated, laughing.

"Shush, child. Izaya-chan likes this part."

It was safe to say everyone, however unwilling to admit, liked this movie well enough. It was a classic.

"Is that where you got the tank top that says 'don't touch the butt,' with the little anchor on it?" Konan asked curiously.

"Yes. Nemo is dumb, and he touches the butt. Stupid rebellious kid." I told her, shaking my head disapprovingly. I felt like one of those old people on their front lawns, yelling 'Damn, kids!' and waving a cane.

"Hmm."

The next time someone questioned me was at the sharks, who, surprise surprise, Kisame asked, "What the hell?"

"I know. I feel your pain, Kisame-kun," I responded, looking up at Hidan's bight magenta eyes. He looked innocently entranced by the movie, giving his sharp, blood-loving personality a cute twist.

Unknown to me, the soft smile adorning my face did not go unnoticed by the Akasuki. Several members looked at me and then at each other, confused.

_He looks really cute like this_, I noted, turning back to the TV. Hmmm. So, Hidan is next? I glanced back at him, this time calculating, yes. Hidan would be next.

I smirked to myself, watching as Dory and Marlin fell down the crevasse, foolishly chasing after the mask.

Halfway through the movie I got bored, instead opting to go sit in the corner with my laptop. I hooked up my headphones, drowning out all the noise with A Flair For The Dramatic.

I then laid down, quickly succumbing to my sleepiness.

"Leader-sama, are you planning on looking into how we can get back soon?" Itachi's low voice asked.

Tobi was using his _sexy_ voice to respond, "Cousin, are you really that anxious to get back?"

My half awake brain didn't find anything wrong with this, but I had the compulsion to hold him. I liked when he used that voice. For me. Not Itachi.

I rather liked him just using it for me. Using it with other people annoyed me, although it wasn't a jealousy issue. I think.

Childish, but truthful. "I don't believe this world has any information on jutsu's, Itachi-san. I have been thinking about it though." Pein answered both of them.

"Oh, really? Have you thought of anything, _Leader-sama?_" Tobi's voice became mocking at the end, making me think that he didn't actually think of Pein as his leader.

Strange. Regardless, it was music to my ears.

I whimpered, my face scrunching in confusion. "Tobi." I whined. Why wasn't Tobi holding me?

Almost immediately, warms hands were slipping off my headphones and picking me up princess style. Tobi chuckled, brushing hair out of my eyes. At the sound of his voice, I relaxed, burying my face in his chest.

"Is she awake?" Pain asked, sounding mildly worried.

"She talks in her sleep, actually. Most nights she'll start whimpering and start talking about souls. I've been wondering what she was talking about. She only says my name when I'm not holding her." Tobi replied, clearly amused.

I snuggled deeper into his chest as he settled down on the couch, trying to fall back asleep.

"You've taken a liking to her?" Pein questioned, now disapproving.

"You could say that. Surely she interests you a little?" Tobi replied flippantly, his fingers betraying his words as he gently traced my face.

"Not in the same way, but yes."

I mewed, tilting my head to the side for Tobi. He chuckled, complying. "I hope not in the same way, you have Konan, no?"

"Don't talk to me like that, Madara." Pein snapped. I was betting on him being embarrassed.

"Should you really talk that way to your superior, Leader-sama?" Tobi teased, dipping his head low to kiss my forehead. I whined, pulling him closer.

"Are you really sure she's asleep?" Konan asked.

"She's more in a half-sleeping, half-awake state. I doubt she'll remember anything, but she can probably comprehend what we're saying. Right, Jess? You understand what we're saying?"

"Tobi..." I smiled, burying my face in his chest.

"Interesting." Itachi murmured. Cool fingers touched the side or my face this time, causing me to flinch. I shied away from him.

"Stop it. She's mine," Tobi reminded him possessively. I giggled, ignoring the rest of the room.

Itachi sighed, backing away. "I know, that's what I'm worried about, Madara-san."

Who the hell is Madara? Am I missing something here? Seriously guys, I'm fucking tired, and half alseep, you can't use code names, god dammit. It just not right.

"Don't worry yourself over my personal life, Itachi-kun." Tobi was being sassy today, wasn't he?

I smirked into his chest, reaching up to tangle one my fingers in his hair. "Don't be mean." I reprimanded, drowsily.

"Are you awake yet?" He chuckled, his warm breath making me shiver.

"No. Izaya-chan is sleeping. Tobi and Pein and Itachi are just too loud. Tobi owes me kiss." I shot back, my reasoning surely only making sense to myself. If Pein, Itachi and Tobi were all making noise, _of course_ Tobi only owes me three kisses to make up for it.

Duh.

"Sure, sure. To back to sleep now, Izaya-chan. Jessie. The leaders are going to talk." Tobi leaned down, gently kissing my forehead, his mask hitting the side of my face.

"That was a cheapass kiss." I whined, turning my face away form him to pout. Not cool. Several people laughed, causing my face to heat up. Meanies. They wouldn't like it if the person they liked gave them such meager kisses either, dammit.

"You're mean," Tobi teased, his voice returning to its normal, childish tone.

"_You're mean_, you cheap kiss-giver!" I growled, hiding my face. I was well aware the other Akatsuki in the room found our conversation amusing at my expense. Buncha' losers.

Tobi laughed, standing up from wherever we were sitting, "Tobi is going to bed. Pein, you keep thinking about that jutsu to get us back home. Itachi, _you_ need a girlfriend. Konan, I have nothing to say. Night-night!"

Seriously, how sassy can you get?

I rested my head on his shoulder as he slowly went up the stairs, his mask brushing against my face. "Tobi." I whined.

"Izaya-chan!" Tobi mimicked my tone, undoubtedly smirking.

I slowly opened my eyes, noticing that we were now actually in my room, and Tobi was closing the door behind us.

Suddenly a lot more awake, I smiled, immediately yanking his mask off. "I don't know why you don't show your face. You're actually pretty hot." I complimented him, smiling sweetly.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Tobi grinned, gently setting me on the bed and grabbing my Sesshoumaru fur to wrap it around my shoulders before settling down next to me.

"You should!" I cheered, smiling at him as I plugged in my phone to its charger, noticing that Deidara had drained it almost dry while I slept. Idiot.

Tobi leaned forward, pulling me into his lap. "So, I give you cheap kisses?"

"Ugh. Don't even bring that up, mister Tobi whatever the hell your last name is!" I growled, relaxing into his chest to stare up at him.

"In our world we say surname and then first name. It'd be 'whatever the hell Toby.'" He laughed, leaning down to kiss my eyelid.

"It doesn't change the fact that was traumatizing and cheap." I sniffed turning my face away. He continued kissing me, cheap little pecks on my collarbone, shoulder, and neck.

Horny, cheap kiss giver, I added mentally.

Tobi acted offended, pulling away form my bare shoulder to glare at me. "You want me to show you how traumatizing my kisses can be?" He growled playfully.

"Please?" I smirked, looking anywhere but at Tobi, I wasn't fond of completely losing my mind.

Tobi chuckled, using his hand to push back my bangs. "Cute."

"I know I am." He laughed, tilting my face up to _finally_ kiss me fully. I mewed in contentment, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him flush against me.

I lied when I said he was a cheap kiss giver.

Then again, to say kissing Tobi wasn't traumatizing was a lie too. Traumatizing in the sense I would probably wake up in the middle of the night craving his kisses, but still.

He bit down on my lower lip, making my gasp like one of those cliché bitches that totally don't expect it. Yeah, right. We all know the truth.

We probably would've continued making up until our lips were swollen, but of course we had to be interrupted. Tobi gently pushed me away, yanking his mask back on.

Deidara flung the door open, yelling something about cats and Hidan.

I glared at him, snapping, "What?"

The blonde blinked, taking in the fact I was basically straddling Tobi's lap, with my arms wrapped around his neck. I know he understood completely what we were doing becuase he blushed, looking away. "Eh, um. Hidan turned back into a kitten?"

"Really!?" I grinned, jumping off the bed ungracefully. "Hidan's all cute again? What happened?"

"Hidan's a kitty again?" Tobi asked excitedly, snapping out of whatever trance he seemed to be in.

"He's in the bathroom downstairs.." Deidara tilted his head to the side, clearly wondering what just happened.

I darted passed him, only to be picked up by Tobi, who being a ninja, could run faster than me. Hidan was sitting on the floor, looking annoyed and very wet. I scooped him into my arms, both Tobi and I cooing over how cute he looked in kitten form.

"You're so cute and cuddly, Hida-chan!" I squealed, rubbing his furry face against my cheek.

The kitten form of Hidan, although pissed, didn't even try to fight me off. "Why are you wet? It's cold water too." I shivered, pinching his cute little kitty ear.

Hidan 'mrrroeww'd while Kakuzu explained, "It was his turn to take a shower. I went to kick him out because it was my turn and found this." He pointed to the cat in my arms.

"Ah." I nodded, looking at Tobi. He understood my silent plea, setting me back on the ground gently and petting Hidan affectionately. Hidan shook out his freezing cold fur, sending me a pitiful glance. The poor thing must've been cold!

Wait. Cold?

"I betcha cold water makes you turn back into kittens if warm water makes you human. You'll have to wait until the water heats up again."

"Can't we use your jacuzzi to change him back?" Pein asked boredly. He had better things to do, like make out with Konan, I betcha.

"But I like him better as a kitty, don't you Pein-san?" I asked him, smiling.

Looks like I have a new way to punish them when they're naughty..

* * *

**I just wanted to ask all my fans, if you had to choose your favorite chapter so far, which would it be and why? Also, favorite character you'd like to see more of? JessX-Person of you choice Time? **

**Oh, and just know, somewhere in the wilderness of Michigan, there is a vegetarian named Jenna that loves every single one of you. **


	10. Chapter 10 Daddy dearest

**Me; GUESS WHAT!?**

**Jess; Stop. With. The. Caps lock.**

**Me; no. **

**Jess; So, what woke you up this morning? **

**Me; fucking ****_chainsaws_****. Chainsaws! Are you serious? At like six thirty in the morning, they start chainsawing right across the street from our house! **

**Deidara; I wake up to Tobi every morning. **

**Me; Tobi is cute though. I would welcome Tobi waking me up. You or Sasori waking me up would make me even happier though... **

**Jess; Pevert. **

**Me; ANYWAY. I just wanted you guys to know, leaving a review and favoriting... **

**You guys make me blush. Not even fucking kidding right now. I get those emails, and I'm smiling and laughing and I swear my family thinks I'm crazy. **

**I love you guys. Seriously. Hope you like this chapter, because it was hard as hell to write. **

* * *

It was hard to say whether or not I was necessarily _happy_. I twirled one last time in my bright ruby-red gown before bravely stepping onto the isle, my basket of dyed red rose petals clutched tonight lay in my hand.

Yes. You read right, my friends.

I was the flower girl.

And you better believe _I was sexy as fuck_.

The wedding had only taken a week to plan, being that my 'sister-in-law' wanted to get married before she started showing. It safe safe to say this week has been complete and utter hell for me.

Not to mention the absolutely hideous color scheme she had picked out.

Ruby red dresses, an off white vintage knockoff gown, and for the decor... (Drumroll, please) hot pink and fucking glitter!

It was safe to say I wanted to punch her repeatedly in the face. By the way, I also found out her name is Kristine and that's she plans on being best friends with me after the honeymoon! Yeah, right. Harle'll kick your ass before that happens.

Anyhow, I was roped into helping plan, which meant I picked music and where people sat.

My Akatsuki sat near the front, of course. They are my family, dammit. Luke's parents were waaaaaay in the back where I could barely see there bitter glares.

Speaking of Luke, he was eye-raping my legs as I walked down the isle, throwing flower petals to my hearts content. Can you say, "pedophile"? I'm the flower girl for goodness sake! That horny bastard was ruining the moment.

I finally made it to the end of the isle, quickly turning around to face the bride as she followed me. At least now I could ignore Luke. She had three brides maids, and three groomsmen to match.

My brother made a rather handsome, if not stupid groom, if I do say so myself.

I thank every God there is I wasn't maid of honor or I'd have to hold Luke's hand. This way, I just had to hold hands with some random guy from high school I couldn't remember the name of.

The childish side of me still pouted and wanted it be Tobi.

Just take a second to appreciate that image. Tobi, as ring-barer. Can you imagine how adorable that would be?

Anyway.

The ceremony went dreadfully slow, although the smile never left my face as Deidara, Tobi, Hidan, and Kisame all made faces and hand signs as if to burn down this whole place. Deidara was also flashing his hand mouths, which I really hope no one else saw. They are ninjas though.

I was one of the first out, my hand clutching my handgun tightly as I darted out the door and onto my bike. Harle and Lucky would be driving the Akatsuki to the reception, while I still had to get over there to help set up the state for the live band playing and for 'DJ Kobra.' If you're wondering who that might be, it's Alex.

Not like I biased or anything! _No_... Yes.

Luke was tailing me the entire way to the reception, which made me quite skittish considering I didn't have Tobi with me to stake his claim.

I did have a gun tucked into my garter though, so that'll have to do.

I went through, making sure to lock them behind me, just in case. I gave a satisfied smirk as Luke tried unsuccessfully to open it behind me, rattling the entire door.

"Annoying ex-boyfriend?" A girl asked, sounding amused.

"You hit the nail on the head, my friend." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I take it you guys are the band I hired?"

"Let me introduce us, I'm Matthew, this is Jake, and our pride and joy Kitkat." A boy spook up, pointing to each member as he told me their names. The way he said 'Jake' made me think they were an item.

I mean, when he's not living with me, Lucky and I still talk daily. I know what love struck sounds like.

I motioned between the two of them, smiling. "Cute."

"I know, right?" The girl added on, hooking her arm around my waist. I noticed a pretty large scar on her face, but thought better than to mention it. Her long purple hair covered most of it anyway.

She was what I liked to call classic punk, dyed purple half shaved hair, tight fitting super cute and slightly ripped skinny jeans, and lots of eye liner. On her right eye there also appeared to be a... Kanji? It was a pretty killer look that few could attain.

"So, you guys are gonna do a couple songs, and then my friend DJ Kobra is gonna take over, kay? Feel free to party afterwards, and you-" I pointed to the pink rock that went by Kitkat, "-You, need to meet my friend."

Oh, yes. Hidan was most definitely next.

"Ohhh! Is it a boy-friend!?" The boy named Jake asked excitedly.

"Hey, Jessa-bear, you wanna-" Luke cut off, eyes widening as he stared down the barrel of my gun.

Thankfully, the only people in the reception hall so far were the band members, myself and Luke. Otherwise, someone would probably have a problem when I pulled a gun out and pointed to at him.

"What?" I snarled.

"N-never mind." He gulped, while I tucked the gun back into my garter, smiling at the two boys.

I smiled back, nodding for him to sit down. "Go eat or something, asshole." I commanded sweetly.

I chatted with the band as we watched others flitter into the room, all looking at the decor in shock and the more level headed ones, in disgust.

While waiting for the Akatsuki, I learned Kitkat seemed to be a nice enough girl, although she snapped at me when I mentioned that most people wear a skirt to a wedding. I'm pretty sure her cussing could rival Hidan at that moment too.

The two boys I saw earlier turned out to be an adorable couple, just like I thought.

Kitkat's eyes widened slightly just before a familiar pair of arms wrapped around me. "Mine," Tobi growled, still managing to make it threatening while using his childish voice.

Kitkat smiled, giving me the girl talk form of 'Damn girl, you got yourself a keeper.'

_You bet your ass I do. Mwahahahaha!_

"I know." I replied somewhat proudly, gently moving his mask to the side to give him a kiss on the cheek. He just tightened his grip on my waist, giving me a small smile before slipping the mask back on.

"Luke was bothering me."

Kitkat sensed the change in atmosphere, quickly darting off to find her friends before things got awkward.

Tobi laughed, a loud possessive laughed that hedged on crazy. "Don't worry, Izaya-chan, Tobi will protect you." He leaned down, kissing the edge of my collarbone.

"I know you will." I laughed, wrapping my arms around his waist.

It took me several seconds of lovey-dovey crap to work up the nerve to ask him, "Hey. Later... You wanna dance with Izaya-chan, Tobi-kun?" Did I really sound as nervous to him as I did to myself? Fuck.

I could just sense the smirk from the inside of his mask. "Tobi is a good boy, so of course Tobi will dance with Izaya-chan!"

That was so not what I wanted to hear. At all.

I snorted, frowning as I untangled our arms, "Fine. But Tobi better not be dancing with sempai too, okay?"

Tobi made a sound similar to an annoyed child as I walked away, making sure to sashay my hips more than necessary. If he wanted to dance with me, after I asked him nonetheless, he needed to at least act like he was as happy about as I was.

Dammit!

Stupid weddings and their stupid ideals of romance! Stupid Jessie and her stubborn way of thinking Tobi will automatically know what to say! Stupid god dammed slow song and cute couples!

"Hey Jess, your brother and sister just got here and they're gonna cut the cake you wan..." Harle tilted her head to the side, fading out.

Her eyes suddenly lit up, "Oh, what happened? Did Tobi do so thing dumb?"

I sniffled, shaking my head. "Of course not! Why the hell would you say that?" I was being irrational, I know that, but I couldn't help the sudden urge to bawl.

God, this is why I hate weddings!

"Come on. Let's go hang out in the bathroom." Harle took my hand, carefully pulling me through the now crowded building as I whipped away my idiotic tears.

You'd think I was one of those annoying anime chicks that cries after everything little thing.

But I didn't want to be at this redneck shotgun wedding! I just wanted to be in my bed with no one to bother me, playing fucking Pokemon on my DS and showing those elite four what's up.

_Me_. That's what.

"Are you okay?" Harle asked sweetly, hopping onto the counter top to lean closer to the mirror.

She started checking her makeup as I replied, "Yeah, I guess so, I mean... Ugh! No. Okay, so, I asked Tobi to dance with me, which as you know for me is a total shot to the face to my pride as a lady, and he response, "Tobi is a good boy!" No. I don't want you to be dancing with me becuase you're a good boy!"

"Why do you want him to dance with you so bad? I can't seem to remember you ever asking anyone of your previous dates to dance with you. You always wait for them." Harle glanced at me, smacking her newly glossed lips together.

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to make my make up go back to the unsmudged way it was before the tears. "I... I really do like Tobi, you know. I just don't like how sometimes, he acts like I'm 'his' and others it's like... This. Then I kinda wanna punch him in the face."

"You do realize that Tobi is unconditionally childish, right? Nothing's gonna change that." She gently rubbed the smudges off my eyes, giving me what could only be described as a pitying look.

"Unconditional?"

"He'll always be childish, and that's part of the reason you're totally in love with him." She responded easily.

I paled, shaking my head. "I-I'm not in love with him! I never said that!"

"True. You don't really need too, though. Not when it's me you're talking too." "I. Don't. Love. Him." I pouted, swiping a peach flavored lip gloss out of Harle's purse.

I don't love him. Right? I've only known him for a month for god's sake.

My blonde haired companion shook her head, "Oy vey, we both know I speak the truth, even if you're not going to admit it. Now, get your sexy ass out there and claim your man! Even with that mask on, I betcha ten bucks half the girls out there want to jump him. Kids got a nice body."

"W-what!?" The wand veered to the left, leaving a subtle pink smear just under my lips.

I pouted, quickly righting it as Harle went on in the most soccer mom scolding tone she could muster, "Seriously, girl. You're a fucking idiot. Go! Claim your Tobi! And so help me, if I don't find your panties in the backseat of my truck-"

"Aaahhhhh! No, no, no! You sicko!" I snickered, putting my hands over my ears to shield me from her nastiness. "Gross, you pervert! I do have some decency!"

I took a deep breathe, scrunching my face up. "Ehh. Clean thoughts, Jessie. Clean thoughts." I repeated, trying not to picture- "Clean thoughts, clean thoughts."

Harle just laughed, kicking the door open in front of her. Music blasted through the open door, along with several loud voices.

Dammit Hidan.

I sighed, stepping out just behind her with a hesitant smile adorning my face. On stage, Kitkat was singing for all she's worth, while Alex just setting up her whatever-you-call the table thing behind her.

Don't judge me.

Staying close to the wall, I spotted several members of the Alatsuki near the buffet style dinner, Sasori and Deidara with their predetermined soul mates.

Harle darted off to greet them while I hung back, eyes searching for a certain masked candy lover.

_Found him._

My first thought was: _That stupid bitch_. My second was frightening enough to make Hidan wince.

Fate must've heard Harle's crude comment about the ladies being all over Tobi for his body and just laughed...

And laughed, and sent some wicked witch of the west to make it come true.

Not to mention the fact I could hear her annoying voice from across the room. That was partially from genetics, but also because she had a very loud voice.

"Why can't you just take off you mask for a second, sweetheart?" My eyes narrowed, but I felt rooted to my spot, watching them with clenched hands and black eyes.

He better just walk away... I snarled internally, my sudden craving for blood hiking up a few notches.

Tobi laughed, shaking his head. "Only Izaya-chan gets to see Tobi without his mask and that's becuase she gives Tobi kisses."

Not the best response, but...

"I'll give Tobi lots of kisses if he takes off his mask." The girl smiled, covertly grabbing one of Tobi's gloved hands in her own.

Something in me snapped, as I'm sure several people noticed. My hands formed claws once again, and I knew my eyes were a flat black color by now.

Adam was the first to meet me, his just married smile slipping slightly as he grabbed both my hands, whispering urgently, "You need to calm down. Now."

I shook my head stubbornly, still glaring at the oblivious couple. I didn't even bother paying attention to what Tobi said in reply, knowing that or would probably piss me off even more.

A pure black hand wrapped around my wrist, pinning me to the wall as he asked calmly, "What's wrong? **Why the hell are you so bloodthirsty?** It's not like you at all."

I struggled against Zetsu's hold, my fang like teeth bared at the woman trying to steal my Tobi.

Zetsu's golden eyes narrowed slightly as I let out an inhuman growl. He looked at the my brother, "What's going on? **We know you're hiding something from us.**"

I growled, my hunger getting the best of me.

Thankfully, most people were to absorbed in the music to pay any attention to the small spectacle that was the cannibal Zetsu and well, me.

Zetsu jerked a little in surprise as I managed to get out of his grasp, only to dart towards the fire exit stairs. Brother would come up with some lame excuse for me, while I jumped off the roof of the building, melting into the shadows easily.

"Welcome home."

I slowly opened my eyes, overly aware of the warm feeling in my chest and the swaying motion from moving. Deep green eyes stared back at me, sparklingly dangerously.

"Are you finally awake my love?" The one voice I despised as much as split ends asked sweetly, bending down to kiss me.

Gross.

I pushed him away, well, as far as 'away' as I could given that he was carrying me. "Just take me home, Father." I snapped, folding my arms across my chest.

Looking down at my dress, I realized what a complete mess I was, my dress frayed and off-kilter. My bare legs were smeared with blood and dirt, and one of my arms had a long already healed over gash.

The man holding me tilted his head to the side, his laughter bouncing off the trees around us. "At least this time you didn't slap me! We're making progress, darling."

Sighing, I closed my eyes again, trying to remember anything after I had jumped off the roof.

The warm feeling in my chest told me I had indeed went ballistic and fed, but how many was the question. And why the hell was father here?

"What's wrong, love? Did someone upset my dearest daughter?" Father asked, coming to a stop. We must be close to my home by now.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, father. My housemates will be worried if I don't get home soon, however." I pushed thoughts of that bitch and Tobi to a corner of my mind, forgetting for a second that father could easily hear everything that went on there.

He cocked his head to the side as if listening intently as he started walking back. "Ah. You like a boy? And he was talking to another woman? How disgraceful. This wouldn't happen of you just agreed to my offer..."

"Father." I sighed, pinching to bridge of my nose. He always had to make the conversation into something it's not, and most of the time, I was the only one to be flustered.

Damn him.

"I love the way you say father," He shivered, trying for another kiss.

I pushed him back, scowling. "Pervert." See? You see what I mean? Do you _see_ what I mean!?

"I know, I know, my dear. I can't help it though. You're so much prettier than my recent daughters. Not to mention your innocence," He purred, smirking.

I paled, suddenly interested in the foliage around us.

We walked in a slightly uncomfortable silence the rest of the way back to my home, father still insisting on carrying me. I finally just gave up, laying my head on his chest and closing my eyes.

The next time I opened them, the entire Akatsuki were surrounding us and someone was yelling. Father calmly stood in the middle of this, gently brushing his fingers across my cheek after noticing I was now awake.

"Stop it." I hissed, smacking his fingers away.

He smirked, kissing me straight on the mouth in front of the Akatsuki.

I punched him right across the jaw, forcing him to let to of me. I tumbled to the ground, yelping in pain as I hit the ground.

Tobi's strong arms once again wrapped around me, pulling me up off the ground. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose again. Idiot. My father is an idiot.

I leaned into Tobi, inhaling his scent. Although I was still irritated over the girl at the party, it would be a lie to say that Tobi's scent didn't calm me.

Father chuckled, rubbing his jaw. "I'd expect such an amazing strength from the future queen."

"Shut up!" I snapped, shivering. He was doing this purposefully. Trying to make me tell them.

He just laughed, smiling excitedly as I fought for control over my own body. "You don't want them to see your true form, deary. Are you afraid?"

"Shut up!" I buried my face in Tobi's chest.

He wrapped his arms around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head. He used his deep voice to snarl lowly, "Do not taunt my Jessica. I will kill you."

It was a stupid reaction to have, but my heart fluttered at his words.

"Father. Leave. I shall not have this conversation with them at this time, nor shall I marry. Ever. You, at least." I murmured into Tobi's chest, smiling to myself. Marrying Tobi would be another story now wouldn't it?

"Fine, fine. But, I'll be visiting on the normal date, and you better have a ring or there'll be hell to pay." He laughed, leaning in to kiss the back of my head.

Tobi's arms tightened around me, but he didn't stop him. I felt the power slowly seeping of of me after he left, allowing me to get ahold of the situation.

The Akatsuki were watching me worriedly, and Lucky was no where to be found.

"I'm sorry." I started crying, holding onto Tobi for support. "I-I'm really really sorry for putting you in danger like that! And I never should've left, becuase he could've killed you when I was out, and you guys can't defend yourselves and-"

"Can't defend ourselves?" Pein interrupted gently, moving closer to Tobi and me.

I nodded, sniffling. "It never crossed you mind how odd it was for a girl like myself to not be afraid of you? The infamous Akatsuki? I mean, I said it the first day, Sasori could easily kill me. Right?"

"I don't see your point." Pein narrowed his eyes in confusion, trying to keep up with me I suppose.

"The man, just now, that kissed me. He's my father. You would be more familiar with the term 'Lucifer' however. I've told Tobi that I was illegitimate. He's my real, blood-father. You know what that means?"

"You're a fucking angel?" Hidan asked suddenly, grinning like he had it all figured out.

I shook my head, laughing. "No. He's a fallen, Hida-chan. Which makes me something much worse than a lousy archangel. "

Most of the Akatsuki were in what looked like shock, while my blonde haired idiot was snickering away. He finally spook up to scold me, "Jess, just tell them. It's not that scary, little soul eater."

Yes. I told him.

"You told the brat?" Sasori scowled, sending Deidara a glare.

"No. Actually, he threatened to lick me when we were talking about Tobi and his fantastic kissing skills. Duh." I responded, tilting my head back to kiss the masked ninja in question's jawline.

Was it wrong that was only partially sarcastic?

Deidara blushed, glaring harshly at me. Hidan and Kisame were roaring with laughter at the blondes expense, while Konan just snickered behind her hand. The rest of them were to emotionless to react, although I could've sworn I saw Kakuzu covering his own laughter with a cough.

Tobi bent his neck down and yanked his mask to the side, kissing me. I blushed, kissing him back eagerly.

It wasn't like they hadn't seen us kiss before, right? So, who gives a damn?

I smiled, tangling my fingers in his hair and yanking him closer. Finally, I let him go, smiling and blushing like a six grader talking to their crush.

"Anyway. No. I am not an angel, because then I wouldn't be here with you lovely Akatsuki. I'm a daughter of the ex-archangel Lucifer," I continued after the laughter died down.

Pein was still as lost as he was three minutes ago.

"Let's watch the news." I decided, ignoring the irritable Akatsuki leaders expression.

"Why?"

"I wanna see how many people I got. I'm thinking it was between four and five, although I can't remember. It could be more." I hummed, wrapping my arms around Tobi's neck and swinging my legs up. Tobi caught me easily, and started waking up the stairs to the living room.

My house has way to many stairs for a lazy person like myself...

We settled on the couch, Itachi sitting down next to us and Deidara sitting on the floor in front.

Everyone else crashed on the other couch or a love seat and looked at me. I ignored them, flicking on the TV and changing it from what looked like a 007 movie to the boring news.

Several boring news (and braiding) filled minted later, a female reporter was standing in front of a burning apartment complex telling us in her loud repartee voice, "It seems there has been an accidental gas leak in the house behind me, which caused a fire to break out."

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Three deaths so far.

"They haven't found them all yet then. Hmm," I mused, not breaking my concentration. Deidara has very think hair for a blonde you know. It was hard to braid it properly.

"And you know because...?" Konan asked.

I gave her a toothy smile, patting the space above my heart. "Three souls aren't nearly enough, Kona-chan. Give me a day and I can put Deidara's destruction of the land of this to shame. I mean. My family and I can make the third shinobi war look like a picnic."

Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy.

"... What?" Pein finally responded.

I just blinked, forcing my eyes to revert back to black and stared at him emotionlessly. "They're called 'demons' for a reason, Pein-sama. And you just happened to meet the princess."

_Dun. Dun. Duuuuuuuuun. _

I can just hear the evil laughter.


	11. Chapter 11 Are you feverish?

**I got nothin to say today. Sorry. **

**...**

**enjoy the chapter I made just for you? **

**... Wait. I thought of something. **

**Why the hell does fanfic even give the option for k+ and k for shows that are clearly breaking those rules!? Like, its fucking Naruto, Sweetheart, there's gonna be swearing and there's probably gonna be violence. **

**I just don't see the point of having an option. **

**I don't think there's any K ninjas out there. Even ****_Konohamaru_**** swears in the manga. He's not even twelve! **

**Thank you for reading my rant, love, Jenna. **

* * *

"Stacy can't you see, you're just not the girl for me. I know it must be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom!" I sung, air guitar-ing along to the _best song ever_.

Itachi was looking at me like I was crazy. "Really?"

I nodded, smiling brightly. "Stacy's mom has got going on, Itachi-kun. She's all I want and I've been waitin' soooo long!"

The black haired boy just shook his head, holding out a spoonful of the frosting we were making.

I paused, wavering between taking the spoon form him and making it semi awkward, or licking it and making it seem 'intimately' awkward. I mean, Tobi was right outside training with Deidara and the rest.

Mentally shrugging, I licked it clean. Pursing my lips, I narrowed my eyes at the Uchiha, deciding, "I'm thinking it needs more lemon zest. The consistency is spot on though."

Itachi nodded, giving the famous Uchiha 'Hn.'

I smiled, turning back to icing the third layer of our four tier cake. I found out Itachi likes to cook while we were discussing the book Jane Eyre. We were making a birthd- regular everyday cake just for the hell of it because I wanted to teach him.

It wasn't because it was the twenty first of October or anything.. Pshhh. As if.

"Hey, Itachi, what's it like?" I hummed.

"What like?" He didn't look up from the frosting. I tilted my head to the side, popping the last tier out of the pan and setting it on the counter.

"What's it like having a little brother?"

Oddly enough, he didn't seem very annoyed by the question, although he sounded confused, "Isn't Lucky your little brother?"

"When we were children, I wasn't allowed near my brothers at home. I was shameful. They started resenting me for no reason, and the older ones, Vic, Adam, and Jason, they used to beat me up when I was too young to protect myself. Lucky and I, we only get along because he was also, "shameful." Liken boys and whatnot."

"When did it stop?"

Damn. Just the questionI didn't want him to ask.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. Lying to him wouldn't do me any good. I needed to be truthful with them. All the Akatsuki deserved that from me. "After I killed Jason."

The Uchiha looked at me again, raising an elegant brow. "Why?"

"They... They beat me until I couldn't stand. See?" I held my hand up to the light, tracing the barely visible scar. "And... When a demon child's defenses are put down, we can no longer maintain our human forms. I ripped out his heart and ate his soul."

"How could you rip our his heart?" He clearly meant 'how' as in the schematics, not as in the emotional 'how'. Itachi wasn't the type to care about emotional scars from killing, considering he wiped our his whole clan.

"Claws." I motioned, pressing my hand against his chest.

Itachi looked at my hand and back at me, tilting his head to the side. "Tobi."

My eyes widened, slowly removing my hand. "What?"

"I believe, Tobi is very possessive of those he loves. I wouldn't share that story with him." Itachi clarified, holding up another spoonful for me to try.

The only part of that that stuck with me was 'of those he loves'. I nodded, smiling. "Of course. And I think we can start piping now, okay?" I showed Itachi how to pipe on little flowers and drop lines, all things I learned from my mom way back when... Ah, good memories. Well, mom, Cake Boss. Basically the same thing, right? Buddy and I go way back.

God, my childhood sucked. We finished the cake pretty soon after that, Itachi insisting that he was the one to put the layers on top of each other and bringing it to the table.

We had just finished placing it before I was tackled again. Was it considered 'odd' that I like the way Tobi tackles me?

"Izaya-chan!" He cheered, rubbing his mask against my back. "Tobi-kun likes cake! Did Itachi-kun and Izaya-chan make cake for Tobi!?"

"Nope! You only get to eat it if you guess what day it is." I smirked at the glaring Akatsuki, while Itachi finished cleaning the counter. He handed me the almost empty piping bag, which I very gratefully licked clean.

"Thank you, Ita-kun! You get one piece because you helped make it, but the rest of you have to guess why today is so special..." I decided, dragging my finger across the frosting bag. I held my finger out to Tobi, smiling. "You want some?"

"What flavor is it? Tobi likes chocolate."

"It's lemon meringue, but Izaya promises its really yummy?" I pouted, looking down at my frosting covered finger...

Eh. If he doesn't want it, I'll take it. I was impatient. And Itachi can make some killer icing.

"You're missing out, Tobi-kun." I taunted, waggling my now clean finger in the air.

My ninja senses told me that Tobi was smirking as he spun me around to face him and yanked his mask to the side. "Tobi never said he didn't want it!" He kissed me, pinning my arms behind my back with one hand while the other knotted in my hair.

Wasn't that my job? Seriously, that's my j- I yelped in surprise.

He bit me!

That candy loving bastard bit me!

And, he had the nerve to use that as an _excuse_ to stick his tongue in my mouth! There are gentler ways to deepen a kiss you know!

"Get a fucking room! I sure as hell don't wanna see this!" Hidan complained in the background.

I pinched Tobi's wrist, making him let go so I could flip Hidan off. Hidan made a pissed off noise, but left us alone after Kakuzu bitched at him. I love that old miser.

I love the candy bastard too, as much as I dislike to admit it. He's also a surprisingly good kisser.

I'm not exactly sure how long I was leaning against the table completely making out with Tobi, but it seemed like a pretty long time before either of us tried to break away, but Tobi just smirked and kissed me again when I tried anyway.

_Finally_, Tobi let go and teasingly murmured, "Izaya-chan is right. Tobi was missing out."

"Jerk."

"Why is Tobi a jerk?" He tilted his head to the side, apparently forgetting I could clearly see the mocking smile on his face. He wore that mask way too often.

I narrowed my eyes, leaning forward to peck his lips again. "Becuase, Tobi still doesn't know what day it is, and he kissed Izaya."

"What day is it?"

"You gotta guess!" I demanded, poking him in the chest.

Tobi pouted, his lower lip sticking out perfectly. Someone had practiced that for a long time. I know because I used to practice my pout in front of the mirror when I was a kid, and no one could say no to it. Tobi's could rival mine, although it seems like a waste because of the mask.

I grinned, kissing him again. "I'll give you a hint, okay. It has something to do with alcohol." Very vague. Good job, Jess.

Tobi full out grinned. "It's your twenty first birthday!" He cheered, throwing his arms around me and capturing my lips again.

I was in shock.

How the hell...? How did he do that? Is he some kind of Sam Winchester? Got the whole premonition thing going on?

He pulled away just enough to whisper, "That also means you're legal now." He smirked, tracing the outline of my face with his fingertips.

"Legal is eighteen in the U.S. sweetheart." I pecked his lips again before darting behind the counter, grabbing myself a paper towel and a knife- from my handy dandy magnetic knife rack, bitches.

If you do it right, you throw a knife clear across the room and it'll stick. If you do it wrong, it'll bounce off and hit Hidan. Everyone else pays enough attention to catch it. Hidan's to busy yelling at Kakuzu for being an infidel.

Clearly, I speak from experience.

Don't try it at home, either. Hidan's not gonna appear in your kitchen becuase you throw a knife at the wall. Thank god for that... Or Jashin, I guess?

I considered this while trying to figure out which piece of cake I wanted. I could go for a piece with one of the frosting flowers... But if I take a bottom layer peice I'd get more cake.

Decisions, decisions...

"Tobiiiiiii-kuuuuun. Help me decide..." I whined, giving the masked man my best puppy eyed look.

"Decide what, Izaya-chan?" He asked innocently, his voice reverting back to its childish tone.

"What piece of cake to pick. Do I want more frosting, or more cake?"

Tobi wrapped his arms around my waist, setting his chin on my shoulder. "Izaya-chan wants more Tobi. But that's okay, because sempai told Tobi you can't rape the willing."

My eyes widened. "Deidara! What the hell are you teachin' this boy!?"

Deidara burst through the kitchen door, looking semi-panicked. "What, yeah?"

I glared at him, blindly cutting out a piece of cake with a frosting flower. Tobi made sure I didn't hurt myself by holding my knife hand, so I wasn't worried. "Do you know what Tobi just said?"

Deidara raised his eyebrows in confusion, blowing his chunk of bangs back into its rightful place.

"He said, and I quote, "sempai told me you can't rape the willing." Now, tell me, _Deidara-sempa_i, how the hell did that come up in one of your conversations? Seriously, should I be worried?" I giggled, taking a bite of my cake.

_Oh, my god_.

It was official.

If Tobi wasn't as good as a kisser as he is, I would marry Itachi just for his cooking skills. Maybe it's an Uchiha thing though...

The blonde pursed his lips, now seeming more irritated than worried. Probably because of my not so subtle poke at his sexuality. Poor Deidara, always accused of being gay because of his pretty hair.

"Hey, un. There's nothin- you shouldn't- dammit! Just go make out with him or something." Deidara huffed, turning back to the living room. Loser.

"Tobi likes sempai's advice." Tobi remarked behind me, tickling my side lightly.

"Okay, are you, like, really insanely flirtatious today or is it just me?" I finally asked, squirming slightly. Damn Tobi and his mythical abilities to find my ticklish areas.

"It's a bit of both." Tobi agreed, grabbing my fork mid-scoop to steal my bite of cake.

I scowled at him, yanking the fork back, "My fork, you dirty fork stealer!"

"Weak!" Hidan yelled from the living room. We often got into verbal fights nowadays, but I'm pretty sure that's how Hidan expresses his affection. That and the classic death threat. That never gets old.

"Stop listening to private conversations, free loader!" I yelled back.

"What'd you fucking call me!?"

"A free loader! A pretty dull one at that, can't even eavesdrop right." Tobi chuckled beside me, stealing another bite of my cake.

"Bitch!"

"Street whore!"

"As if! I'll sacrifice your ass." Hidan warned.

"Oh, please. Don't make me turn you back into a kitty, Hida-chan," I hmphed, taking the bite Tobi offered me gratefully. "He's a pain in the ass sometimes." I told Tobi.

"I'm a dirty fork stealer?" He teased, giving me another forkful.

I nodded, moving his mask further to the side so I could actually see his face. "A cute dirty fork stealer, at that." I added, kissing his cheek. "Now, let's go watch Dr. Who in my room."

Tobi smiled, finishing off the cake in one bite. "I like Avatar better."

"Fine, fine. We'll watch the last airbender." I agreed, unwrapping his arms from me to throw away the plate.

Tobi darted up the stairs in front of me, while I went in the living room to grab my Sesshoumaru fur from Konan. She looked up, smirking lightly. I rolled my eyes, yanking the fur from her.

"Safety first!" Deidara teased, pinching me as I walked by.

"Idiot." Konan murmured in my defense.

I smiled at her, running up the stairs after Tobi. Supernatural was already running when I reached my room, Tobi curled up on my bed without his mask and shirtless. I geuss he put on Supernatural because we both liked it?

I laughed, jumping onto the bed next to him. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hey." Tobi hugged me to his chest, smiling widely.

I laughed, kissing his cheek. "You know what we should do after this?"

"Relish in the fact that you're legal?"

"Tobi!" I snapped, blushing. I punched his arm. "No! I was going to say, we should watch The Lion King movies. Like what I called you when you were a kitty, remember? Simba." I smiled.

Tobi smirked, kissing my neck. "I like my idea better."

On screen, Dean was dying once again, while I was trying not to succumb to Tobi's... I guess you could call it attempted seduction. Damn him. And the trickster. Damn the trickster too. He sucks.

"Cute." I sighed, leaning back against his chest. That way, he couldn't kiss me anymore. It was fucking distracting. As if his shirtless-ness wasn't distracting enough.

Tobi just sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm serious. You really are cute." I rubbed my cheek against his, smiling.

He chuckled, hooking one of his legs around my waist and yanking me into his lap. "Tobi is very serious. Tobi thinks Izaya-chan is cute too!" He nuzzled the crook of my neck, making me shiver.

"Are you okay? Not feverish?" I asked, pressing my hand to his forehead.

Seriously, Tobi did have his affectionate moments, especially before we fall alseep, but today he was just... Well, for lack of a better term, horny.

"Tobi likes kissing Izaya-chan. Does Izaya-chan not like Tobi's kisses?" He sounded wounded, stopping in his nuzzling for a second.

Turning my face to look at him, I scowled. "Shut up. I like your kisses just as much as you do mine. Now don't pout." I scolded, kissing him lightly. "You look really adorable when you pout though."

"Adorable?" Tobi smirked, kissing my collarbone.

"'Inspiring great affection; delightful; charming.' How many adjectives do you- Tobi!" My sassy comeback was but off by my yelp of surprise.

He bit me!

_Again_.

Again!?

He. Bit. Me.

Just out of fucking no where, he goes from kissing my clavicle to nipping it. He better not leave a damn hickey! "I'm... Starting to think you're some kind some sadist." I blushed, looking away. I didn't stop him though.

Tobi chuckled, glancing up at me. "Then you're a masochist?" As if proving a point, he gently bit down on my shoulder. He kissed it afterword, sending shivers down my spine.

Stupid, lovable, son of a chicken. "You're killing me, here Tobi."

"I wouldn't ever hurt you." He smirked, going back to his attack on my neck.

_Ehh_. He's driving me crazy!

"T-Tobi! S-stop. You're making it seriously hard to think." I stuttered.

I fucking stuttered! Dammit Tobi!

"You don't need to think, Jess-chan." He replied, that irritatingly hot smirk still plastered on his face.

"T-Tobi." I sighed, trying not to blush like the idiot I am.

He chuckled, pecking the corners of my mouth teasingly. "I like it when you say my name like that. You're all flustered because of _my_ kisses, _my_ attention." He punctuated each word with a kiss to my heated face.

_Ding, dong, ding, ding_.

I'm fairly certain that Tobi never sounded as annoyed as he did when he snarled, "Fuck. I hate that damn bell."

I roared with laughter, clutching my stomach.

"Tobi doesn't think this is funny." Tobi remarked, grabbing his mask from the bedside table. He also put his shirt back on, much to my disdain.

Oh my god. It hurt! My stomach hurt from laughing so much.

Once I calmed down, I had to go answer the door. Tobi held his hand out, gently pulling me off the bed with a disgruntled sigh.

"Thanks." I smiled, kissing his mask.

Tobi was clearly annoyed, but that did nothing to ruin his cheery nature. I held his hand over my shoulder as we went down the stairs, only to find most of the Akatsuki watching TV.

Pein pointed to the kitchen door, mouthing a word I couldn't make out.

"Hey, bitch, get in here!" Harle yelled from the kitchen.

I slowly followed orders, Tobi dutifully starting to yell at his sempai. "What do you- mmph!" She stuck a sucker in my mouth.

"Suck it." Harle demanded over my complaints. "They're homemade, with love."

I complied, taking the stick form her hand. The lollipop had some kick. It tasted kinda like pink lemonade though... Actually it kinda tasted like the fruit punch we had at my graduation party...

I paled.

"Oh, I know that expression! You figured out my secret ingredient, didn't you?" Harle cheered, looking pleased as a peach.

"Is this spiked?" I shrieked, pulling the sucker out to stare at it accusingly. Harle giggled, "I know! You can barely taste the vodka. I found a recipe on Pinterest. It's delish, right?" She grinned, taking a yellow one off the tray she had set up. There were like four dozen of these!

"I'll admit they're pretty good, but seriously. Do you realize what you just did?" I groaned, sticking the sucker back in my mouth.

"Aside from giving you the best birthday gift ever?" She laughed, moving to salt two glasses. I watched as she added peach schnapps, sprite, blue curaçao, and surprise surprise, more vodka.

I love Harle so much. She knew exactly what I wanted for my birthday. Other than Tobi, of course. She even went through the effort of making my favorite drink.

"So, what did I do?" She asked curiously.

"You.. Interrupted _something_." I clarified, giving her a meaningful look and twitching my fingers. Harle-Jess talk for 'I want to kill you.'

Harle blinked, scowling in confusion. "Something, I thought you were watching TV with To- oh, shit. You were "watching TV", with Tobi. Alone, in your bedroom."

"_No shit, Sherlock_. I mean, seriously. If it wasn't you, I would've killed someone." I groaned, running my hand through my hair.

I was serious. I would've killed however rang the doorbell, and then Hidan, simply because he's fun to kill. And he keeps coming back! He's a flippen zombie.

Harle nearly dropped the schnapps, excitedly wrapping her arms around me and squealing. "Really!? How was it? Is he good? Like, kissing and whatnot? Come on, com'on. Com'on!"

"Ehh, we didn't actually get past the kissing part before you came along." I laughed nervously, looking at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, you should've told me and I would've brought-"

I interupted, "I really don't wanna know what you would've _brought_." Really, we're best friends, but I don't want to know her that well.

"Sicko." Harle smirked, winking. That pervert.

I ignored her, finishing off my lollipop, with a smirk. "Sweetheart, how drunk you?"

"I'm just buzzed. I had to sample a few of those before I brought 'em here, didn't I?" Harle giggled, handing me the electric blue drink with a slice of lime.

I grinned, taking a large gulp. "You make me happy."

"Whether you know it or not!" Harle started singing, grabbing a pink sucker from the plate.

"We should be happy," I added, licking salt from my lips.

"That's what I said from the start?" Harle stirred her drink, laughing.

"I am so happy, knowing you are the one that I want for the rest if my daaaays, for all of my days." We finished together in a fit of giggles, the effect of the alcohol kicking in.

Harle blinked, grabbing my drink out of my hand to take a big sip. I slapped her hand away. "Mine. Go get your own."

"Yeah, I know. It tastes better when it's someone else's." She smirked, leaning over to kiss my cheek. She was totally drunk. I don't know what she was talking about 'buzzed.'

"You think we should share with the Akatsuki?" "Maybe." I shrugged grabbing a handful of suckers in my free hand and opening the door with my foot.

"What the hell kinda drink is that?" Hidan asked loudly.

Harle and I glanced at each other, reciting in perfect sync, "Sex in the Driveway, salted, with fresh lime. Duh."

Konan blushed. I threw a lollipop at her head. "So. Who wants to celebrate my birthday by getting wasted?"

"We have vodka, peach and peppermint schnapps, Jell-O shots, Russian vodka, and some rum for mojito's if we get bored." Harle added happily.

I smirked, holding a lollipop out for Hidan. "These little suckers are full of alcohol." I threw one at Kisame, Pein, Tobi, and Itachi.

Deidara huffed, "What the hell, yeah? I want one."

"I'm not sure how I feel about giving alcohol to minors. You're technically too young to drink." I smirked, sipping the last of my blue drink.

This was going to be fun.

"Toooooobiiiiii! I'm sleepy."

Believe it or not, that wasn't me talking.

I was sitting on the counter, watching in amusement as my best friend tried to come onto my boyfriend. Harle was a flirty drunk, so I really didn't blame her, but the many pictures I took tonight are enough to extract proper revenge.

Tobi sighed, scooping me into his arms. I'm fairly certain Tobi and I are the only sober ones here. Zetsu doesn't count because he never showed. I'm pretty sure he's in the meadow, tending to the last of the fall plants.

Also, we finished off the cake too, if you're wondering. Kakuzu was the first one to realize I gave them the answer. Good 'ole miser.

Harle pouted, dropping her arms.

I smirked, "Harle, go to sleep, hon. Just go up to the loft with Hida-chan, and go to sleep. Okay?"

"Okay, but don't do anything naughty with Tobi, okay? I know you!" She grinned, jumping to her feet.

"I pinky promise!" I sang, nudging Tobi. He chuckled and carried me up the stairs, humming lightly.

Tobi dropped me on the bed, once again removing his shirt and mask before sitting down next to me.

"So, why aren't you drunk as hell like everyone else?"

I grinned, pointing to my chest, "Demon blood. Prevents intoxication, may cause bloodthirsty-ness, dizziness, craving souls, se-" Tobi cut me off with a kiss.

Damn him. Always sneaking up on me and shit.

Tobi kissed me again before breaking away to say in his _sexy voice_, "I think you're going to break that promise."

And yes, I'm officially calling it his sexy voice. Don't judge me! It is a free fucking country.

'Merica!

"Promise?"

He smirked, kissing my neck. "The one about not doing bad things with Tobi."

Oh shit.


	12. Chapter 12 The L word

**Me; AHH, I'M REALLY SORRY! **

**Jess; For what?**

**Me; Well, I know that some people were hoping for a lemon/lime, but I seriously just can't do that. I'm so sorry! I love you, but I just physically cannot do it. **

**Hidan; Fucking idiot. **

**Me; More like... Fucking virgin that doesn't know how to write things she's never experienced. Sorry! I like lemons as much as the next fangirl, but I just can't. **

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and search me up on deviantart. I'm thinking of uploading some art later.. Fanart is also always welcome guys. I'm sure some of you are way better artists than I am. **

* * *

"This is stupid, yeah." Deidara.

"Shut. The fuck. Up." Hidan.

"Don't be mean to sempai!" Tobi.

"Yeah, Hidan. It's not my fault your taste sucks, un." Deidara.

"It's my turn to choose the damn show." Hidan.

I can guarantee the next person to say something irritating would be Tobi. That's how long they've been going at it. They have a fucking pattern.

As they bickered, I buried my face in Tobi's chest, sighing. I finally understand why Pein and Konan force them to train everyday. Without anywhere to put their energy, it was like this every single second.

Pein had _kindly_ given everyone a training free day when they all woke up with hangovers and aching from sleeping in awkward positions.

I'm pretty sure the most grumpy right now though, was Tobi.

Why, you ask?

Deidara.

So, there we were... Doing stuff, when Deidara starts scratching on the door and mewing loudly. Apparently, he had taken a shower for whatever reason and accidentally turned himself into a cat.

"Gimme the remote, un!"

I groaned, standing up. "Okay, I'm going to take a nice relaxing bath in my room, okay? If any one of you interrupt me, I will feed you to Harle's Pomeranian." I snapped, glaring at them.

They nodded, Hidan snorting. Ass.

Darting up the stairs, I locked the door to my room behind me. It wouldn't stop the ninjas, but at least then they got the message that they were not welcome. I also locked the bathroom door.

Anyway.

I'm not sure whether or not it's okay to put bubble bath in a jacuzzi tub, but I've been doing it since I bought it and it hasn't done anything yet. Mine was an all natural no extra additives oil free brand though, so maybe that makes a difference?

Either way, I threw some in and stripped down to nothing.

I had to manually flick through the options on my stereo, being that Tobi had traded my DS for my phone, and clicked on my 'sad or/and relaxing' playlist.

I grinned, pulling my DS out of my shorts pocket before tossing them into the hamper.

It was just me, my music, and my Pokemon for a long time. Beating the hell out of other digital creatures is surprisingly relaxing.

Until the telltale sound of my door opening and someone walking.

I silently glared at the door as it opened, wondering who I would have to kill. Naked. Oh god.

As it turns out, it was the one person in this house I was unwilling to kill.

"I'm starting to think you're not only a closet sadist, but also a pervert." I noted, saving my game. I knew this was going to end badly. Or fantastically, depending on your point of view.

Tobi grinned, hopping onto the counter top. "That's not very nice."

I tilted my head to the side, glaring dully at him. "Says the ninja that picked both locks, which I locked for a reason, mind you."

He chuckled, rolling his eyes. "It's not my fault people keep getting in my way."

Knowing exactly what he meant by that, I blushed, looking back down at my game. "Sure, sure."

Tobi was probably the only person in existence that could make me, the ex stripper and renowned tease, blush like a schoolgirl. Damn him for that. And for being so damn adorable and irresistibly hot.

"Are you trying to distract yourself?" Tobi was smirking, I knew just from his tone.

"There's nothing to keep me entertained." I shot back teasingly.

He made a annoyed growling noise, jumping off the counter with a solid thump on the tiled floor. Faster than any human was supposed to be able to move, his arms were wrapped around my neck and he was breathing against the back of my neck, "What was that, Izaya-chan?"

"You do realize I'm not wearing my bathing suit under all the bubbles, right?" I leaned my head back, kissing his collarbone.

He shifted slightly, now looking down at me devilishly, "Nope. Makes things more interesting though, doesn't it?"

"That depends on opinion, I suppose." I shrugged, suddenly aware that his hand was slipping under the water, going to my side and tracing the scar he had complimented what seemed like forever ago.

He hummed, ducking his head to kiss my neck as I stubbornly remained still.

I mean, you can't just walk into a girls room when she specifically says not too and expect to get laid. Well, not without at least making an attempt to woo me.

Tobi continued to kiss my neck, nipping the sensitive skin lightly.

"T-Tobi!" I scolded shakily.

He smirked, pulling away to tilt his head to the side innocently. "What Izaya-chan?"

"Stop it." I blushed, ducking my head, away from him. This exposed the other side of my neck, which Tobi took complete advantage of.

He kissed me, murmuring lowly, "We both know you don't want me to stop."

I want to say I shot back a sassy comment, but I ended up just sighing and tilting my neck back to give him more access. Damn Tobi and his outrageously convincing kissing.

Finally, I just got impatient and took his face in my hands, twisting my body so I could properly kiss him. My top half was now extremely cold, but I couldn't care less. I was kissing Tobi.

"And how am I supposed to tell you I feel? I need oxygen... Oh, baby, I if was your lady, I would make you happy. I'm never gonna leave, never gonna leave," Colbie Calliet sang in the background, surprisingly accurate.

Tobi's hand, which until now had remained on the lower section of my scar shifted higher.

I blushed, breaking away from the kiss to hide my face in his neck. "Tobi." I tried to growl, coming out more breathless than I liked.

Tobi kissed the base of my neck, his smile evident as he pressed his chest against mine. I shivered, yanking him back up to my lips.

We broke apart to stare at each other, Tobi looking back at me with what looked to me like a mixture of wonder and happiness.

He suddenly smiled, pulling me into his arms in a princess carry. I squeaked in surprise, acutely aware that I was completely uncovered.

Tobi nuzzled my neck as he opened the door with one hand, darting to the bed. Gently placing me among the many pillows I had, he proceed to take off his now wet shirt and throw it at the wall. We're more alike than I'd care to admit.

For a moment, he didn't do anything, just continued to stare at me. His dark eyes swept my figure, making me both uncomfortable and really supernova kinda hot, believe it or not.

I shifted nervously, looking away. "Stop staring at me." I murmured, my face burning.

Tobi chuckled, jumping onto the bed next to me. "I can't help how beautiful you are. And this kind of beauty should be appreciated by me and me only," His hand traced my sides lightly, teasing me.

Appreciating beauty my ass!

"Liar," I pouted, still not looking him in the eye. It really wasn't fair he snuck up on me like that. Not to mention I'm stark naked while he still has his pants on.

At least he had the _decency_ to be shirtless though... God I love irony.

Tobi looked offended, "Liar? I'm many things-"

"Closet pervert and sadist included in that list?" I interrupted teasingly.

"Only when you're involved, but yes. Anyway, I'm many things, but a liar is not one of them." Tobi kissed my forehead, smiling.

I grinned in return, "At least you admit it."

* * *

"Fucking hell, I am going to kill someone," Tobi growled, glaring at my phone accusingly.

I pouted, sighing. "Why?" Why did it have to ring, right now!? We were interrupted.

Again.

This time, it was my phone, which had been ringing continuously for the past ten minutes. I ignored it the first time, but then the person retailed, apparently adamant about talking to me.

Tobi kissed me again, giving me a pleading look. "Can we just ignore it? Please? Tobi doesn't like the phone."

"Just let me see who it is?" I gently bit his shoulder, glancing around him at the annoying phone that was still buzzing loudly. If I had the sound on I could've known who it was by ringtone.

"Fine." Tobi relented, still not moving an inch. He was crouched on all fours right above me on the bed though, which made it hard for me to reach for the phone. He likes teasing me way too much for comfort.

I had to stretch around him to grab the phone, frowning as Tobi used this to start kissing my bare stomach.

"Yello?" I sounded breathless.

"Can you please come over tonight?" Harle asked brokenly. Her tone made me worried, but I seriously had to fight back the urge to moan. Dammit Tobi!

Clearing my throat, I inquired, "What happened, sweetie-pie? Did Callie die?"

Callie is one of Harle's oldest horses, if you're wondering. They own a house ranch and do lessons for children for money. Her mother also owns a small boutique. And yes, Harle is still living with her parents, although she has her own little house on their property separated form the main house.

"No, but I'm pretty sure I did." I could picture Harle in her cottage in front of the TV and eating a whole bunch of junk food. From her voice, I knew that was exactly what she was doing.

Tobi's kissing was getting dangerously low, sending shivers all over my body. "W-what?" God, I hope I didn't sound as desperate over the phone.

"He... Daniel is cheating on me!" Harle snapped, breaking down. I heard her quiet sobs over the line.

It took me a second for what she just said to register. Tobi wasn't helping me either. "Oh, sweetheart! Please, calm down. That bastard doesn't deserve your tears!" I snarled, Tobi making a low growling noise against my stomach as I accidentally drew blood on his shoulder.

I removed my hand sheepishly, kissing the crescent moon marks I had left on his pale skin. He captured my lips again as Harle cried, "I know! But, I mean, I walked in on them for god's sake! I was just trying to be that cute girlfriend that pays surprise visits and and he was with her!"

I felt like a terrible friend, kissing my boyfriend while she spilled about her's cheating.

Pulling away from Tobi, I gave him the best 'please, please, be okay,' look I could manage and told Harle, "I'll be there in an hour. Don't you dare touch the vodka before I get there."

"Okay. I'll just... Cry." Harle hung up, most likely going back to eating and bawling over bad sitcoms.

Tobi scowled, stopping his seduction act completely, "What?"

"Tobi, sweetie, please, please, don't be irritated. Harle just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her." I pleaded, kissing his cheek and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He ignored my attempts at making it up, still scowling deeply. "So? Can't she wait until tomorrow to cry on your shoulder?"

Harsh. In his defense though, we've been interrupted way too many times. And now, it was me who was doing the interrupting.

"Babe, she's been going out with the same boy since her sophomore year in high school. She gave her virginity to that bastard, and she just walked in on them. Please, let me comfort her." I pouted.

"But-"

"No buts. We have thirty five minutes to take a shower and I only need five to dry and brush my hair." I grinned, kissing him gently. I threw my own annoyance and sadness into the kiss, trying to make him understand that I didn't want to stop either.

"We?" Tobi suddenly grinned, looking at the bathroom door eagerly.

I smirked, pulling him into another kiss. "Why do you think I said an hour? I did think it through."

He jumped up, yanking me into his arms and nuzzling my neck. "Of course you did, that's why I love you."

Did he... just say...?

I'm pretty sure my heart just stopped.

* * *

"Okay, sweetheart, I'll be back either tomorrow or the next day, okay?" I pecked his masked cheek, yanking on my boots one handed.

The rest of the Akatsuki seemed to only catch the 'sweetheart' bit, as Deidara smirked and waggled his eyebrows at me while Hidan wolf-whistled. Everyone else was either laughing or too straight faced to do anything but widen their eyes slightly.

"Do you really have to go? Tobi will miss you!" Tobi whined, his hair still dripping from our very, very enjoyable shower.

I smiled sadly, shaking my head. "How would you feel if I nailed some random son of a bitch, Tobi-kun? I need to go."

His grip on my waist tightened almost painfully, "Tobi would kill them."

Leaning close to his ear, I smirked, whispering sweetly, "And that's _why I love you._"

I darted out into the cool night air, my only slightly dry hair rustling in the wind. The door slammed behind me.

Grabbing my Celty helmet and hopping onto my bike, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Most days, Tobi and I exchanging half-assed 'I love you's would be one of the first things I blurted our to Harle, but in light of her recent messy break up- hopefully - I would have to wait to tell her.

"I love you." I repeated, peeling out.

My laugh rang out over the lonely road as I threw both of my hands into the air, grinning like a crazy person behind my helmet. "I love you!" I laughed, taking a huge breath of air before grabbing the handles again.

"That's why I love you."

Just repeating the words over again sent dizzying waves happiness through me. I love you. I knew I loved him too, regardless of how long I've known him. _It just is_.

The smile didn't falter as I raced to Harle place, dread filling me as soon as I arrived.

Harle's cottage was almost completely dark, the only light coming from the flickering in the living room window that told me she was watching TV.

"Sweetheart?" I called, unzipping my boots blindly, throwing them at the door.

Harle's Pomeranian, Joseph ran up to me, his little tail wagging so fast it was a blur. Remember what I said about animals not liking me? Jo was the exception to that rule. I blamed it on the fact she bought him from a shutdown puppymill. He wasn't exactly all right in the head.

I scooped the fur ball into my arms, kissing the top of his head as I marched dutifully into the living room where Harle was...

Oh, hell.

It was worse than I thought.

She wasn't watching TV. She was on her iPad. You know what that means!? Do you know what that means!? It... Means... (Please mentally hold for dramatic music.)

Yaoi.

Don't ask, don't even question it, but whenever Harle gets really, really upset, she automatically starts searching fanfiction for her favorite shipping couples. She always ended up reading some steamy one shot with tons of fluff and OOC-ness.

Not that I'm not guilty of reading over her shoulder when we were upset over the same things. Example, when everyone thought Grey died. He really didn't, but for a while there, one of our favorite characters was dead.

I gently pulled the iPad put of her hands, smiling sweetly as I tapped the shutter button and set the dog on the floor.

"Hey, babe. How ya feelin'?" I whispered, knowing that anything could set off another onslaught of tears.

Harle didn't cry often, but when she did, she went full out bawling. "N-no! I feel like my hearts imploded, and I just don't know what to do!" She cried into my legs, the damn breaking.

I slowly peeled her off my legs and sat down next to her, pulling her to my chest and brushing out her bouncy curls with my fingers. "It's okay, Shizuo. It's okay. Your Flea's here and we have Doritos. What more could you ask for?"

"A boyfriend that won't tell me he loves me and then fuck some random bitch he met at a fucking bar!" She bawled, burying her face in my shirt. "I mean, I just don't understand why! Am I not good enough!?"

I bristled, snapping, "Harle! You're a lot of things, but never have I thought you were not good enough! Sure, I don't have a clue what you're like in bed, but if sex is all that he's cares about, then he's not good enough for you."

"That's bullshit! Anyway, I gave him... Everything. Who's gonna want me now anyway?" Harle sniffled, content to just wallow in her self-pity.

Anyway, I'll explain that last part. Harle had been convinced that if you lose your virginity to someone, that person automatically becomes you future husband. That's why she waited until we were seniors to... Yeah.

So, basically, she now thinks of herself as damaged goods.

She suddenly perked up, "Do you think he'll get ba-"

"If you say what I think you're going to say, I will fucking feed you to Zetsu on a silver platter. Now, calm. Down." I growled, tilting her head up to look her in the eyes. "Look, I know you feel like hell right now, and I know that your hearts I a million pieces, but I'm here, and I love you. You're good enough, sweetheart. And if that bastard Daniel can't see it, well then guess what?"

"What?" Harle blinked back tears, looking up at me with wide, trusting eyes.

"Then he's missing out on all your sexiness." I giggled, tapping her forehead.

She rewarded me with a tiny smile, taking a steadying breath. "So, how're you and Tobi going?"

I didn't have a proper response to that other than, "We took a shower together today. It was lovely."

"You got over you jealous fit at the wedding?" Harle was clearly trying to take her mind off her love life by talking about mine, which I was fine with.

I still couldn't tell her about the L word though, because it would surely send her crying.

"Yes and no. I'm not really sure if faced with the same situation again I would do anything different, but I also know that Tobi wouldn't ever... You know." Great job, Jessica! Bring up the cheating again why don't cha? It's not like you just got her to clam down or anything.

Harle blinked, "You know?"

"You know... He wouldn't break my heart and shit. Dammit Harle, you're trying to hurt yourself!" I sighed, glancing at the TV. Some pretty little lairs rerun was on.

"I know. It... I was kinda hoping that you guys were still fighting. So I could have someone to be miserable with, ya know?" She blushed, burying her face in my chest.

I patted her head comfortingly. "Of course, sweetheart." I reassured, pushing back the reflex to make a face. I loved her and all that, but my boobs were not meant to be a fucking pillow. "You wanna watch Durarara now?"

"Yeah. Can we have an everything but the kitchen sink special to go with it too?" She straightened up, smiling brightly. I nodded, yanking her to her feet as I stood up myself. "Let's do this thing."

We made ourselves huge bowls of ice cream, Harle complaining the entire time that now that she was single she'd have to watch her weight. I told her she could use some hips.

"So, what do'ya want to do now?" She asked curiously, after slapping me for my sassiness. Bad Jessie, bad.

"Hey, Harles?"

"What?" She glanced up at me, noticing the wicked smile adoring my face.

I tilted my head to the side, donning the cutest, most innocent expression I could muster up and asked her, "What ever happened to all that stuff we got from Victoria's Secret?"

She squealed in excitement, clearly understanding where I was going with this. "Tobi's gonna be so flippin' excited! You have to tell me everything!"

* * *

"You son of a bitch," I snarled under my breath, crossing my legs criss-cross. It was try-hard time, dammit. "They think they can kill me and get away with it. Imma fucking stick your ass with a plasma."

Don't mind my swearing. I was playing Halo, which automatically amps my swearing up from the usual amount to worse than Hidan's.

Don't act like you don't it too.

An Elite went flying across the screen as I said this, making me giggle sadistically. "I warned you!" I sang, pausing too readjust my shirt... Kind of thing. Well, actually for the most part it was just lace.

Now that Harle's single, she has no use for her wide array of lingerie aside from one of those days you just wanna wear sexy under things, even though you know no one but yourself's gonna see it.

Obviously, she loaned me some.

Being the best friends we are, we spent quiet a few hours last night trying on everything and rating each other. Harle deduced the best look for me for what she dubbed "the final first time" was a very lacy pale pink outfit thing.

I say outfit loosely, because really it was just lace. But the panties had the cutest little bows on the sides and _the_ _camisole thing was silk_.

There is nothing better than a bra made of _silk_. Nothing. Well, Tobi, but he doesn't count in this situation. Plus, the camisole looked super adorable on me. Pink usually looks weird.

"Fucking-!" I screeched, hanging my head as a berserk brute killed me on screen. I perked up when I heard the back door open though.

The Akatsuki were all our training when I finally got here, which gave me time to grab my lighter and a big piece poster board that announced "NO ONE BUT TOBI IS ALLOWED IN HERE" on my door.

Anyway, my room was lit up with pale pink candles that matched my outfit and my TV screen. Personally, I thought it was pretty romantic.

I sighed after pausing for a second, figuring that Tobi was either annoying Deidara or eating. I can't expect him to come in right after training, right? I really wanted him to, though.

For obvious reasons.

I heavily breathed through my nose, turning back to my game. "Stupid Tobi." I huffed, sniping a brute in the head. Too bad it takes two shots to kill 'em.

After a while I started blocking the world around me, focusing on my game. I didn't hear anyone come up the stairs, walk down the hallway and open my door.

I didn't even notice as Tobi stared at me dumbstruck for several moments.

"What... Are you doing?"

I shrugged, narrowing my eyes in concentration. "Playing Halo. Killing things mercilessly."

Tobi walked to the TV, quickly pressing the off button and standing in front of it. I pouted, throwing my controller at him, which he caught easily being a ninja and all. Dammit.

I glared at his mask, wondering what he was getting at, turning off my game in the middle of a level. You just don't do that!

Tobi pulled off his mask, watching me with wide eyes and a devilish smirk as he placed it on the floor next to my controller. "Love, what kind of killing outfit is that?"

He said it again...

"You turned my game off because of this?" My eyes widened in disbelief. Okay, look, I know it's cute and all, but seriously, that's no reason not to let me finish my level.

If he came in half an hour earlier...

He grinned, glancing behind me at the candles. "You look amazingly sexy right now."

I smirked, holding my arms out. "Then get over here you idiot."


	13. Chapter 13 My Klutziness strikes again!

**Me; Mwahahahaha. *clearly evil laughter***

**Harle; What the hell are you doing?**

**Me; biting the heads off little animal crackers. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted. We bought one of those huge like five pound bear shaped ones. **

**Harle; ... I thought you're a vegetarian. That doesn't seem very animal friendly. **

**Me; shhh. Child. I know what's vegetarian and what's not. Oh, and I made a poll thingy for this story, so go my unicorns! Go and vote for your favorite! Preferably after reading this chapter. **

**Harle; That's why I'm the one here and not one of your corner listers? **

**Me; well, duh. And it's like 2:43 AM. Everybody else is sleeping. **

* * *

I'm a very stubborn person.

...

My eyes were starting to burn.

...

Seriously, they were on fire. I need to blink.

...

_No, you don't, bitch_. I snarled internally at myself, refusing to give in.

...

Pein blinked.

"Yesh! I fucking won!" I yelped, smiling brightly. He blinked! He flippen' blinked! HAHAHA! I just won a staring with the Fearless Leader of the Akatsuki! What are you doing with your life!?

Pein sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. Konan meanwhile was pressing her hand to keep from laughing. Pein glanced at her, smiling lightly, "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Awww. My internal fangirl was going crazy, but I had to get down to business. "I felt like I should inform you that Harle is going to be staying here for a few days. She already knows about you guys, as you know, but I would appreciate if you used your Fearless Leader qualities to make sure they stay in line."

His eyes narrowed slightly, "What do you mean?"

"She's... A little fragile right now." I replied carefully, giving Konan- who I already informed of Harle's circumstances- a pleading look.

Pein clearly didn't understand. "What?"

I sighed, pinching my thigh in frustration. "She had a messy break up with the boy she's been I love with since she was fifteen, Pein. And now the fuckers literally stalking her."

Well, coming to her house to try and reconcile inivinted and creeping the hell out of her. Not to mention all the texts and phone calls. Can you say desperate? I mean, really. He should've though this through _before_ cheating.

"Is she in danger?" Pein tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Again, I had to fight the urge to say, 'Awww.' I mean, he's so cute all overprotective and shit! It's just so fluffy!

I shrugged, "She can take care of herself, but it's not... Mentally good for her right now. Not to mention she's a manic-depressive bipolar."

Pein raised his eyes brows, nodding for me to explain the unfamiliar word.

"Kinda like Zetsu. Two different 'sides'. She goes in streaks. Manic she barely sleeps and is very perky and all around happy. Depressive is just what it sounds like, it's bad for her health and she usually ends up 'forgetting' to eat." I explained, remembering the first time I found Harle with a _paperclip_ clutched in her hand and large, thin cuts marring her abdomen.

It was probably one of the worst moments I've ever experienced.

"Hmm. Fine, I'll... Tell them to mind themselves around her." Pein agreed, watching me wearily as I walked back to my dresser, pulling out a small Radio Shack bag.

"Okay, now that that's settled, I also took the liberty of buying you guys cell phones. One for each team of Akatsuki members." I handed him the cheep track-phone I had bought after finishing my shift at the parlor.

Pein gave me a wane smile, accepting it gracefully. "Of course. You already 'programmed' it I assume?"

"Yup!" I grinned, tilting my head to the side as I heard the familiar sound of Joseph's barking. That dog was louder than the sound of gravel under Harle's truck.

I raced down the stairs, bypassing everyone in the living room to throw the door open and run to Harle's side. She was just getting out when I pulled her into my arms, smiling blissfully.

"Hey babycakes!" I cheered, laughing as she limply held me back. "Pein says you can stay, okay honeybear?"

"Yeah... You wanna to inside? I think Jo needs a drink. He's been sticking his head out the window the whole way here." She smiled halfheartedly, stepping out of my hug to grab all her bags.

I grinned, scooping him into my arms and rubbing my cheek against his face as I walked into the house behind her.

"Who loves Joseph, Jessie does! Oh, yes she does, she love him so much and loves to cuddle him and love him. Yes she does! Aren't you just the most fucking adorable little puppy-dog ever!?" I baby-talked, ignoring everyone else in the room.

Hidan groaned, "Nobody fucking cares, bitch!"

"Shut you damn mouth, stupid punk! Joey doesn't need to hear that kinda messed up language." I snapped, Jo growling in my arms in agreement.

"Tobi thinks Izaya-chan likes the dog more than Tobi," Tobi complained cheerfully. He was odd like that.

I shrugged, "Now, that's not true. Izaya-chan liked Tobi and Jo equally, but in different ways. For example, I like Jo because he is cute and fluffy. I like Tobi becuase he is cute and a good kisser."

"You got some high priorities, sister!" Harle laughed, coming down the stairs. Like always, she had taken off her pants first thing.

"Ha! At least I'm getting some," I smirked, grinning in triumph. Most of the Akatsuki looked away, probably embarrassed by my unashamed attitude. Not to mention... Never mind.

Harle pulled her messy hair into a pony tail, shrugging her delicate sweater-clad shoulders, "I have Internet access."

"What the hell are you laughing about, un?" Deidara finally snapped, giving my upside-down best friend a frustrated glare.

And yes, I said upside down.

Harle had the weird habit of not actually using the chair she was sitting on as a chair, she usually ended up upside down with one leg on the footrest and the other over the top of the chair, which gave everyone a fantastic-sarcasm, my friends- view of her Triforce panties. Her head was hanging off the edge.

"Nothing." Harle giggled, glancing at Kisame and then Itachi over her phone. You could say I had a few ideas of what she was doing.

I slowly took out my phone, watching Tobi with amusement as he continued playing with Jo. I quickly texted Harle, "Are you doing what you think you're doing?"

'Nope. I was on Pinterest and one of my people pinned a site full of bad animal jokes.' She replied, grinning at me across the room.

I rolled my eyes, 'Really now? So, you're not reading ItaKisa yaoi?'

'Well, I'm a very good mutiltasker, you know...' She smirked.

"Pervert." I scowled, glancing at Kisame. He was blissfully unaware of Harle's shipping. That poor bastard. She just tapped her phone, indicating I look at it for a new text. 'How do you catch a squirrel?'

I shrugged, looking at her for an answer.

"Climb up a tree and act like a nut." She smirked, hiding her face in her shoulder to laugh. I snickered, shaking my head. Everyone else was watching us like we were psychotic. Can't say I blame 'em.

'Whats black and white and red all over?' She texted me, smiling brightly.

"Itachi." I dead panned, glancing at the ninja in question. He was wearing a black tshirt and black skinny jeans. Red eyes, black hair, and he's really fricken pale. Really, he was begging for it.

Harle fell off the chair she was laughing so hard, ignoring the glare Itachi was sending us. Apparently he didn't like his name to come up in laughable conversations without knowing what was going on.

"Tobi is confused." The masked man poked me, tilting his head to the side as I giggled.

"It's nothing. Harle is being... Harle." I laughed, leaning against Deidara's shoulder for support.

"And Izaya is being a flea." Harle added, finally calming down enough to breathe. One look at Itachi set her off again, collapsing in on herself as she roared with laughter.

"You're a sadistic bitch, you know that?" I teased, holding out my hand for Joseph. He came running.

Harle donned her innocent expression, slowly reaching into her pocket to pull out her little bejeweled pocket knife and flick it open. "Whatever do you mean, darling?" She also developed a British accent.

"Oh, I have no idea. It's not like you're reading inappropriate fanfiction or anything." I sighed, closing my eyes. Seconds later, my phone buzzed again, signaling a text.

'The punch line was a penguin with a sunburn, btw. And it's not inappropriate... Yet. It's just fluffy-ness.' She attached a link to the page. I just sighed, going back to staring blankly at the TV. Why is my best friend an idiot?

"Why is Shizuo a sadistic bitch, Izaya-chan?" Tobi suddenly asked, settling onto the couch next to me and his sempai.

I shifted, so that my feet were propped up on Deidara's legs and I was using Tobi as a pillow. "She just is, honey. She just is. Just like Hidan and his obsession with the word fuck. That's way the world works."

"Oh. Okay!" Tobi chirped, brushing my hair back out of my face. I couldn't help but blush, remembering the last time he did that...

_Ehh! Clean thoughts Jessie! Clean thoughts_!

I could sense Tobi smirking under his mask, but I really didn't mind. Right now, at least. He would pay for it later when Harle and I kicked him out of my room.

Mwahahahaha!

I wanted to lean up and kiss him, but that damn mask got in the way of everything.

"Tobi likes when Izaya-chan blushes." Tobi murmured, making Deidara look at him with wide eyes. Sexy Tobi was something they'd have to get used too.

My phone buzzed again, 'Heyheyhey... Where's everybody else? Are they training or something?' Everybody else she meant Kakuzu, Sasori, Kisame, Pein, and Konan. Deidara, Hidan, Tobi, and Itachi were playing babysitter.

No one knows where Zetsu is. I'd probably guess the meadow, but I suppose he could be... Somewhere else? Never mind. I have no idea where else he could be.

'Outside. You wanna go watch them?'

"Sure!" Harle cheered, tucking her phone into her bra before kicking her feet up to walk on her hands.

Tobi cheered her on as she walked across the living room like this, continuing until she hit the porch door.

"Is she like a circus monkey or something, yeah?" Deidara asked, raising his blonde eyebrows.

"Just watch." I told him, pointing as she stretched her back until she was able to grab the door handle mechanism with her foot. We all watched in awe as she actually managed to open it with her foot and walked onto the porch.

She was a freak. Plain and simple.

I slowly trailed after her, too lazy to move at any pace faster than a snails. Harle's feet were dangling off the railing by the time I got there, but at least she was right side up.

"Kick his ass Kisame!" She cheered, watching Kisame and Hidan taijutsu it out.

"I'm rooting for Hidan." I noted, joining her on the railing.

She scoffed, shaking her head, "Nah. Kisame's a beast."

"Meow." I smirked, making a clawing motion.

"Pervert." She snapped, hiding her blush with her hand.

"Thats my boyfriend, not me. Thank you very much." I snickered, shaking the messy black hair out of my eyes. Speaking of which, I'm due for a trim pretty soon...

Harle laughed, pausing before very quietly adding, "We haven't been like this for a while... Just hanging out you know?"

"You were always busy with Daniel and I've been taking care of these idiots." I chirped, smiling ruefully. I loved these idiots, as much as Kakuzu and his cheapness annoys me.

Not to mention everyone else.

"Still, I kinda miss this, you know. Back in high school we were unseparatable."

"I don't think that's a word..." I laughed, nudging her side playfully.

"Shut your mouth, flea."

"But Shizuo-chaaaan!" I whined, wrapping my arms around her pitifully. I pouted, my eyes shining deviously.

"Izaya!" She ground her teeth together in fake annoyance, shoving me off her.

I fell the banister, much to everyone's surprise, and that was including myself. How could Harle have the strength needed to push _me_ off?

Harle yelped as the Akatsuki tensed, all trying to sort out how to save me from a messy death.

Everything moved in slow motion, allowing me the time to process I was indeed falling down a two story drop and time to realize not even I could weasel my way out of it and end up fine.

Even with my demon blood, this was gonna be a helluva fall.

_My head hurts_, was the first thought to hazily make its way into my mind.

Everything was... Fuzzy. Swishy. Like I was drugged or something. It was irritating and confusing. Not to mention I was pretty sure this wasn't my bed. Or my Sesshoumaru fur for that matter.

My eyes fluttered open, taking in the white washed ceiling and the cold temperature.

I attempted to roll onto my side, noticing that my right leg felt a lot heavier than it was supposed to. Frowning, I sat up on my elbows, looking around what appeared to be a hospital room.

Several Akatsuki were asleep around the room, including Pein and Konan, who were cuddling on the other side of the room. They were all on the floor, as I occupied the only bed. Harle was leaning against the black haired Uchiha, sharing her blanket with him and Kisame. Hidan was passed out on the floor, Kakuzu leaning on the wall next to him. Sasori was... Sleeping, I think, on a chair to my left.

Sasori's a puppet though. I'm really not sure if he sleeps. Maybe it's Sebastian. He doesn't need it, but its a luxury? Eh, Sasori! Stop making everything so complicated!

"Where the hell am I?" I sighed, looking to my right to find a messy head of dark brown hair laying next to me. Tobi.

"Izaya-chan! You're awake!" Tobi jumped up, wrapping his arms around me as best he could.

"T-Tobi." I smiled, noticing the messy hair and tired purple rings under his eyes. I gently traced his face, wondering if he wasn't getting enough sleep. "What happened? You look like hell, sweetie."

"Thanks." Tobi replied dryly, kissing my cheek. "How do you feel? You need anything?"

"Another kiss?" I asked innocently, smiling sweetly.

Tobi complied, giving me a short kiss on the lips. "Better?"

I nodded, shivering. It was way too cold. "Where are we? Why's everybody asleep?"

"Do you remember falling?" Tobi leaned back, eyes narrowing as he seemed to take inventory of my figure, making sure I was okay and whatnot.

I struggled a bit, remembering that I was talking to Harle about hanging out more and then... Oh.

"I fell.." I whispered, more to myself than anyone else.

Tobi nodded, kissing my cheek. "I meant to catch you, but I couldn't make it in time. I'm so sorry, love." He buried his head in my neck, frowning.

I blushed, running my fingers through his hair. "Hey, it was my fault. It's fine, Tobi."

He just sighed, rubbing his cheek against mine. "It's not your fault. I should've been there to catch you. And Harle-chan blames herself for shoving you, although she meant it as a joke."

"I still don't know your last name, Tobi! Don't be so moody. It's not like you." I scolded, throwing the blanket off myself and trying to stand. That was when I noticed the huge fricking cast on my right leg.

"Oh, hell no!" I screeched, glaring at the atrocious thing on my leg.

"Shhh! They're sleeping!" Tobi sighed, glancing at a now awake Itachi and Pein. Smiling mutely, I kinda waved at them, blushing brightly. My face felt like it was on fire.

"I see you're finally awake?" Pein smirked, nudging Konan until she opened her eyes. The bluette smiled at me, taking a deep breath.

"Uh-huh." I nodded, grabbing Tobi's hand. "How long was I asleep? I'm really hungry."

Tobi scooped me into his arms, earning a squeak that made the elder Uchiha twitch, standing up slowly, as not to wake Harle. She just shifted a little and made the 'come back' gesture. Itachi smirked.

"Almost two days." Tobi whispered, waiting for Itachi to open the door for him before exiting.

I silently thanked him, smiling over Tobi's shoulder. "Two days? Damn... What's wrong with me then?"

"Minor concussion, a compound break in your leg, and bruises covering half your body. You really have a knack for scaring the hell out of me." Tobi sighed, closing his eyes in aggravation.

"But you love me," I purred, kissing his cheek.

Tobi stopped walking, smiling slyly. "Say it." He demanded, setting me on the ground. I awkwardly rested against the wall, balancing on the hard cast on the right leg. Tobi leaned over me, his arms on either side of my waist. Keeping me from falling and getting away. That's my Tobi.

"That you love me?" I asked playfully, pecking his lips.

He pulled away to soon for me to give him a proper kiss, now smirking and glaring slightly. "You know what I mean. Say it. Tobi wants to hear you say it."

I pursed my lips, looking to the side. After realizing why I was doing this, Tobi tilted my face back to his, eyes pleading with me, "_Please_, say it."

I couldn't say no to that face! I finally gave in, blushing. "I love you!" I told him loudly.

Tobi gave me a heart stopping smile, lightly kissing me before almost yelling, "I love you too. And don't ever do make me come back here, okay?"

In the hospital of all places, here we are declaring our love for each other. _How romantic_.

I smirked, stretching myself upwards to kiss him with all my might. Tobi responded happily, moving one hand to cup my face.

We broke apart after only a short time, both of us noticing our audience.

Nurses were cheering Tobi on.

I'm not even fucking kidding. I wish I was.

Tobi smirked, winking at them sassily before capturing my lips again. Although I responded eagerly, the only thought I had was, _seriously, don't they have something better to do? We're in a_ hospital!

Several mores 'awww's and catcalls about young love were thrown our way, seemingly encouraging Tobi. I pulled away, blushing brightly and completely embarrassed. I don't think there's a single time in my life I've felt shyer.

If he noticed my discomfort, he just found it even more amusing. I hid my face in his shoulder as he picked me back up with his famous smirk.

_What an idiot_, I sighed mentally, shaking my head. _He's my idiot though_. I smiled into his neck, ignoring the pats on the back he was now getting from the lonely nurses.

Nice, guys, really nice. It's not like Tobi can get any more confident or anything.

I'm one sarcastic fucker on drugs, aren't I?

Tobi haphazardly placed me on one of the cafeteria benches, smiling sweetly before darting off to go grab some food. They had round the clock food in here apparently, considering it was... Four thirty seven in the morning. I had to check the clock.

After what seemed like agonizing hours of hunger, Tobi swaggered back to out table- and yes, Tobi has ninja swagger. Justin Beiber is crying himself to sleep as we speak... Read. Whatever.

He plopped down next to me, placing the food on the counter. He brought greek yogurt, a container of chocolate milk, hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, and a few candy bars.

"Sometimes I think you like chocolate more than me." I noted, taking a bite of hashbrowns.

Tobi pouted, yanking the fork out of my hands. "That's not true. Tobi loves Izaya-chan and chocolate equally. The only way you can make either of them better is to add the other."

Add the o-

_Clean thoughts, Jessie. Clean thoughts_. I chanted internally, blushing. Damn him!

Tobi smirked, pressing his fingers against my too warm cheek. "What are you thinking about?"

"You're a pervert! Stop making me blush, god dammit!" I whined, looking at the food longingly. The bastard still had my fork. And I can't even fight back, I have a _broken leg_ for god's sake!

...

"Oh, shit. I have a broken leg." I repeated, dropping any playfulness we had established.

"I thought we went through this in the hall?" Tobi tilted his head to the side, offering me a forkful of eggs that I gladly accepted.

After swallowing, I nodded, "I know, but I just realized what that means. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to get around? I spend most of my time on my feet, I mean, I'm a hairdresser! Plus, did I ever mention you're the best lover ever? Must've slipped my mind, but seriously!? My fucking leg has to break right after I discover such a fact!? That's just fucking fabulous."

Tobi pressed his finger against my mouth before I could continue my rant. "First, the Akatsuki will carry you everywhere. They love you. Not as much as me and hopefully not in the same way, but they do."

"Second?" I asked, pouting.

Tobi smiled, "Second, no, I don't believe you've ever told me I'm the best lover ever. It'd be nice to here more often though. And third, you really shouldn't worry about that issue. I've got it covered."

"Of course you do, you chocolate loving freak." I snapped, rolling my eyes.

"I think you can come up with a better insult than that, _sweetheart_." He mocked, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. "Also... Don't mention sex and chocolate in the same sentence. At least, not in the presence of others."

"Tobi!" I exclaimed, hitting his shoulder hard. He flinched but other wise didn't complain as he watched me blush brightly. "Why do our conversations always end up like this lately?" I sighed.

"If you're that opposed to it I guess we could talk about politics and the weather..." Tobi laughed, giving me another spoonful of hashbrowns.

I shook my head, laughing, "Nah. Thats more of an 'afterwards conversation'."

"Afterwards what?" He snickered, taking a bite of eggs for himself.

Smirking, I took the fork from him to feed him a big scoop of hashbrowns, "Yeah. Yeah. Eat more, my dear. You're going to need that stamina."

Tobi just laughed. We finished breakfast soon after that, and managed to get back into my room without a scene like earlier.

Most of the Akatsuki were still sleeping upon our arrival, except Konan, Pein, Itachi, and Kisame. To my surprise, no one batted an eye at Tobi's maskless self, although I noticed Kisame watching us a little closer than normal.

I also noticed Harle sleeping on Itachi's shoulder, which was probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen. It was also comical to see the stoic Uchiha with my overly emotional best friend.

"So, how are you guys?" I asked, smiling.

"You almost died." Kisame deadpanned, looking annoyed.

I blew him a kiss, looking around the room at the others. "Where's Deidara and Zetsu?"

"Deidara is watching Harle's dog. He was here yesterday. Zetsu isn't here for obvious reasons, but he told us to tell you that he hopes you're okay." Konan smiled.

"Well, his white side did. His black side threatened to eat us for letting you get hurt in the first place." Kisame joked, standing up.

I yawned, trying to stretch the muscles in my leg. Immediately, shooting pain shoot up my leg, causing me to gasp in pain and cringe. I gasped, squeezing my eyes closed. "Dammit!" That was a bad idea. Seriously.

Tobi rubbed my cheek, murmuring, "Hey, it's okay. Don't try to move it yet."

"Ahh. T-Tobi, it hurts like a bitch." I hid my face my his shoulder, trying not to cry. Dammit! This is totaling ruining any cool demon bitch thing I had going.

"Tobi promises it'll stop hurting if Izaya takes her medicine, okay?" He moved to the side, pressing a little red button to call a nurse. I whimpered to myself, wincing as the fire-like pain scorched my shin. Damn.

What seemed like hours later, a disgruntled little nurse came in after politely knocking, she looked nervously at the awake people before tapping Tobi's shoulder and nodding towards a chair, "I'm going need to connect the IV up. You can wait there, sweetheart."

I glanced at my arm, stunned to find an IV tapped to the inside of my elbow. It was taped so it wouldn't move, but I really should've noticed it, right?

I guess I'm still half asleep.

Not to mention the pool of dried blood on the side of my bed, which I saw after the nurse had moved my blanket to the side. I slowly asked, "Did someone put it in wrong the first time or something?"

The nurse flinched, glancing at Pein worriedly. He gave her a warning glare.

_Oh, Pein. You're so charming_. How much you wanna bet he scared the hell out of the entire staff?

The nurse looked back at me before mumbling, "Um, yes. We had one of the new girls put it in and she messed it up a little. You were barely conscious though, so..."

"It didn't help that she said, 'oops. Oh well, she's got lots more.'" Pein input, narrowing his eyes. I snickered, using my free hand to reach for Tobi.

"She's really new at this." The nurse gave me a thin smile, clicking a thing of medicine into place. Her gaze shift to our intwined hands before giggling, "That boy never left your side you know. We had a betting pool to see how long he'd stay."

I grinned, "Who won?"

She popped the first medicine out before grabbing another one and clicking it. "I believe your ER doctor won. He was quite adamant that your friends all seem to be very protective. Some people thought he'd leave you with them and go back home to take care of your family." She stated matter-of-factly.

Take care of...

"Oh, no! W-we don't have any children!" I laughed.

"Yet," Tobi purred, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

I scowled, flicking him away, "You just say that cuz you like trying to make a baby, you freak."

The awake people's reaction to this was hilarious.

Konan giggled, while Pein just smirked and Itachi snorted and shook his head. Kisame roared with laughter, waking everyone else from their slumber.

"What the fuck are you laughing at fish-face?" Hidan growled drowsily.

"Shut up." Kakuzu glared at Hidan, standing up.

"Here are your discharge papers. Just sign here," The nurse told me over the fighting, handing me a pen. I quickly signed, smiling. She pointed to a pair of crutches before darting out of the room, sending Hidan a glare.

Not that a blame her. Hidan has quite the mouth on him.

I glanced back at my family, grinning for no reason. Tobi leaned forward, kissing the side of my face. "Ready to go?"

"Of course. We just have to wake Harle up." I yelled the word Harle, hoping she would get up without a fight.

She kind of opened her eyes, looked at Kisame, shrugged and cuddled closer to Itachi. He hardly moved, just shifting slightly so she wasn't hitting her head on the wall. What a sweetie pie.

Sasori poked my side, giving me the same tiny smile he made the first day I met him. "I see you're finally awake. You took long enough." He grumbled a bit, but that was just Sasori's way of showing affection. Look at him and Deidara!

Holding out my now IV free arm, I snapped at the sassy ginger, "Oh, shut up and help me get the hell outta here."


	14. Chapter 14 Is that cannibalism?

**So... How you been doin? You doin good? I'm doin good. **

**Jess; why the hell are you using a jersey accent? You're from fricking Michigan. **

**Me; I know where I live, thankyouverymuch. **

**Jess; shut up and post the chapter. *walks away to go find Tobi***

**Me; *sticks out tongue* Whatever! I don't need you! I can do the disclaimer by myself. **

**I don't own anything Naruto related. All I own is JESS and the other OC's. so there.**

* * *

This sucks.

There's no other way to describe it. It just sucks. I sighed loudly, glancing at the sullen looking Uchiha to my right.

He raised one eye brow, "Does your leg hurt?"

"Nah, I'm fine." I growled quietly, my eyes straying to Hot Topic. We were in the mall, if you were wondering. Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi and I. We split into groups earlier, although Kisame seems to have gone missing.

Hidan and Kakukzu were hopefully making good use of the hundred dollars I had entrusted Kakuzu with. I don't trust Hidan with money for obvious reasons.

Me and Itachi are currently wondering where Kisame ended up and fighting over what store to go to next. We finally agreed to go look at Barnes and Nobles, which is where we were heading towards. Very slowly.

"Are you sure? Tobi will kill both of us if you hurt yourself." Itachi muttered, his ever present calm faltering slightly. That's my Tobi. scaring the hell out of even the infamous Uchiha Itachi.

I smiled at him, holding up my pinky, "I'm fine. I pinky swear." He just sighed, rolling his eyes.

We made it to the book store without anymore questions, although I had to remind Itachi several times that I psychically cannot walk as fast as him on fucking crutches. He's a speed walker that one.

Itachi wondered off to look at books while I grabbed a coffee and headed to the manga section. There was only one other person in this area of the store, making it really hard not to notice her first thing.

Well, and the purple hair.

"Kitkat?" I asked, tilting my head to the side and leaning against my left crutch.

The little punk looked up, her big green eyes widening. "Jessie?"

I grinned, holding out my fist. She bumped it against mine, smiling lightly. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, looking for books? What the hell happened to your leg?" She laughed, pulling a sharpie out of her backpack. "Can I sign it?"

"You keep a sharpie on your person at all times?" I asked, holding out my cast for her. There were already several signatures from people at work and the Akatsuki.

They didn't understand that it was customary to sign casts, but after we explained all your friends were supposed to sign it, they fought over who would sign where.

Kitkat nodded, drawing a little kanji next to her name. It looked liked the one Gaara has, so I'm going to assume it means love. Right next to her name was a red and pink explosion doodle and the sign of Jashin. Guess which of my idiots made those.

"Yup. So, how'd you break it anyway?" She straightened back up, tucking the sharpie into her leather jacket.

I laughed, pushing my bangs back out of my face. "Don't laugh. I fell off my deck."

"You fell _off_ your deck? What the fuck were you doing?" She covered her laugh with a bad 'casual' cough.

Shrugging, I explained dully, "I always sit on the railing, my friend shoved me a little and bam. Everything goes fuzzy."

"Ah." She nodded, sitting down crisscross on the floor. I followed suit, somehow awkwardly managing to sit down next to her, my crutches on the floor in between us. "So, what've you been up to since the wedding?"

"You met my boyfriend at the wedding, right?" I took a sip of my coffee, shivering with pleasure. Coffee makes me so happy.

"The one with the mask and the rockin abs?" She teased, winking. Well, I think it was a wink, one of her eyes was covered up just like Deidara's by her long purple hair.

I smirked, "Are you checkin out my man, bitch?"

"You better believe it." She shot back, scowling playfully. "Nah. You know I'm just kidding. The silver haired dude was kinda hot though..." She trailed off, tapping her tear drop design boredly.

"You mean _Hidan_?" I stressed, raising my eyebrows.

"Don't tell me he's your boyfriend too? The first one doesn't seem like the type to share." She actually seemed worried, in her own cool and aloof way. Maybe she was in a mood. I can understand that.

I snorted, "Of course not. Do I strike you as a sharing kind of person?"

"Not particularly, but you never know, right?" She shrugged, plucking a book off the shelf. Hellsing. Nice and bloody, I thought, smirking. An idea occurred to me then. Blood, Hidan. Hot silver haired dude.

"You wanna stay at my place tonight? We can get to know each other better and you can meet my housemates." I suggested innocently, trying to find a book I was willing to spend my money on.

There was Naruto, but I would rather stick to online for that one if I did ever get the craving to read about the Akatsuki from their creators point of view. Personally, it seems kind of mote, being that I already recognize them as my family. I mean, I know they're all murderers and whatnot, but so what? You can't change the past, but you can look forward to the future, right?

And with Tobi, the future was almost absolutely filled with chocolate. And kisses. I'm very easily manipulated by kisses.

Kitkat's voice tore me out of my inner debate, replying, "Yeah. I was planning on staying with one of the guys, but we could do that. Are you here with anyone?"

"Did you drive here? I could just give Itachi the keys." I took a huge gulp of my coffee, finishing the last of it off.

"Sure, you go find him and I'll check out." She grinned, brushing her hair to the side for a split second before seeming to remember the scar. I wondered where she got it.

I found Itachi in the mystery section, looking extremely bored in a drop dead gorgeous kinda way. And don't be all, "you have Tobi! Shut up!" We all know its true. It's just a fact of life that Itachi is gorgeous. Just me and shoes. It just is.

I threw the keys at him without an explanation, which he caught easily, nodding. Kitkat was patently waiting for me at the exit, munching on a candy bar.

My eyes widened, "Is that considered cannibalism?" She was eating a kitkat!

She laughed, offering me a piece, "I don't think so, but hey. Even if it is I'm still gonna do it."

"I have a feeling you and Zetsu will get along..." I smirked, reaching for my phone. "I'm gonna call Kakuzu to tell him about the change in plans, okay?"

She nodded, flipping open her book.

"What?" Kakuzu snapped.

I winced, hearing the malice in his voice. "Damn. What did he do?"

"Everything he possibly could to piss me off." I could just picture his scowl while he counted the money I gave him in an attempt to keep it cool.

"Itachi's over at Barnes and Nobles with my keys, so whenever you guys finish up, go find him. Kisame is... Somewhere. You guys should look for him later. Personally, I'd check the fish store. He was eyeing it." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Sometimes I really wish they stayed kittens.

And then I remember booktalking with Itachi, giggling with Konan, yelling at Hidan and Deidara, training with Sasori, gardening with Zetsu, and kissing Tobi and I suddenly remember why I like them better as people.

"What should I do about the idiot?"

"Put him on the phone. I'll take care of this for ya, buddy." I snarled, smiling pleasantly. Kitkat gave me a strange look but otherwise didn't question it.

I heard Kakuzu growl something on the other line and then Hidan half-yell back, "What the fuck do you what, stitch face?" Nice. Real nice.

"Hidan! You will use your indoor voice or so help me, your soul will spend the rest of eternity in my stomach! Now listen here, you're going to pick out some nice clothes with my money and then you're gonna go home. I don't wanna anything about sacrificing innocent bystanders or swearing at pedestrians, got it?" I ordered, leaving on room for him to object.

I hung up quickly after that, allowing myself a self-satisfied grin.

Kitkat was now watching me as if I was crazy, finally asking, "You will spend the rest of eternity in my stomach?"

"Long story. You wanna go?" I shrugged, smiling sweetly. Kitkat finished off her candy bar, patting her flat stomach. Damn girl probably had a metabolism like Tobi. They can eat whatever and not gain a pound. I look at chocolate the wrong way and BAM.

She proved my point by asking as we got into her car, "Can we stop for ice cream?"

"Can I have your cherry?"

She bursted with laughter, blushing lightly. "Sure, but don't tell your boyfriend, okay?" She snickered, leaning against the steering wheel for support.

I slowly put together what I had asked and her expression, the blush becoming unavoidable. "You're a pervert!" I declared, slamming my fist on the dash dramatically. I couldn't help it.

"Yeah, yeah. It makes things more interesting though, doesn't it?" She sighed, flicking on the radio, only to scowl and put in a CD. I nodded my approval, humming along.

We didn't talk for the rest of the way to my house aside from the occasional direction and/or chorus singalong. Tobi was the first to meet us outside, all sweaty and gross from training.

That didn't stop him from giving me a tight hug and kissing my cheek though.

I gently pushed him away, crinkling my nose, "Hon, go take a shower and then we can cuddle, okay?"

I could just feel him rolling his eyes at me, but he nodded nonetheless, tilting his mask to the side to kiss me passionately. I blushed, but still took my time pulling away.

"Tobi-kun! We have a guest." I scolded lightly.

Kitkat was awkwardly standing to the side, making it very obvious she was trying to give us time to get reacquainted if you will. "Ehh, you guys can do whatever the hell, I'm gonna go raid your kitchen." She snickered, ducking into our house.

"Izaya-chan is having a sleep over?" Tobi asked, ignoring my warning not to get too close while he was still sweaty.

"I think Hidan will be less likely to tear apart my house if he has a girlfriend." I explained, shivering as he traced the edge on my shorts with his finger tips. I scowled. Damn him.

Tobi smirked, leaning forward to kiss me again. "So, Tobi has to sleep with sempai tonight?" He pouted at that, trying to get me to reconsider.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Nope. Tobi is sleeping with sempai and that's that. It'll be annoying for both of us, but we're just gonna hafta deal with it. Pinky promise?"

"How about Kitkat-san stays with Hidan and we stay in our room? Because Tobi doesn't like being without Izaya-chan and sempai doesn't like cuddling with Tobi." Tobi whined, pulling me closer to nuzzle my neck. "Please?"

"You really think that Hidan can convince her to sleep in the same room on their second meeting?" I asked, kissing his shoulder. This was more fun when he wasn't wearing a shirt you know. Or anything, for that matter.

Tobi sighed, straightening up. "No. But Tobi has to take a shower, so let's go."

"Let go wh- Tobi!" I squeaked, my clutches clattering to the ground.

Tobi snickered, pulling his mask back on with his free hand. "Tobi needs help, Izaya-chan!"

"I'm the one with the broken leg! Kitkat, help me! I'm being harassed!"

Her head popped out from behind the fridge door, "Hey. He's your boyfriend. It's your fault for picking the kinky one."

"Kitkat! You're not supposed to say that! You're supposed to come to my rescue and- you know what!? You're sleeping in the basement tonight! So, there. Have fun with Hidan!"

Tobi laughed victoriously.

Jerk.

"So, I see you got some quality cleaning done." Kitkat remarked, much to my chagrin.

"Shut your face." I snapped, although it had no real malice. I threw a glob of cookie dough at her, which she caught in her mouth professionally. "How do you do that? Seriously."

She shrugged, "It needs more sugar by the way."

"I put two entire cups of sugar in it. If I put any more in Itachi will fall over dead." I snickered at the thought. Poor weasel.

Kitkat reached into my bowl to grab another pinch before asking, "Why Itachi?"

"Because he has the biggest sweet tooth, even more so than my Tobi. He's just sneaky about it so the others don't tease him." I explained, moving to put the bowl on top of the fridge.

I popped the first sheet of cookies into the oven, smiling contently as I licked the extra dough off my fingers. "You wanna watch D. Gray man?"

"Is Kanda hot?"

"I'll take that as a marathon start." I laughed, slowly making my way to the living room, where Deidara and Tobi were arguing over something. Well, more like Tobi was purposely trying to piss Deidara off and it was working.

"Get over here!" Deidara growled jumping to his feet to try to strangle him.

I placed my hand on his chest, pushing him back into his chair. "Stop trying to kill my boyfriend. I want kids sometime in the future you know." I sighed, sitting down next to said boyfriend.

Kitkat came in two seconds later, munching on a bag of popcorn. "Well, where's Allen? I wanna see some shirtless-ness in the next five minutes."

"I like Lavi personally. He's so cute and awkwardly cuddly." I told her, clicking on Netflix.

Tobi wrapped his arms around me possessively. "Tobi personally likes Izaya-chan."

"Izaya-chan likes Tobi-kun way more than Lavi, okay?" I reassured him, ignoring the gagging sounds Deidara was making. I glared at him, "You're just jealous your girl doesn't live here."

"I'm just wondering when we get to see some Akuma get there asses kicked." Kitkat piped in, leaning against me.

Deidara was casually sprawled in my love seat, one leg hanging off the arm rest. Classy.

I laughed, clicking on D. Gray man. Time for some Akuma ass kicking.

We were well into the, like, seventh episode and eating the cookies before the front door burst open and Hidan can stomping up the stairs. He pointed at me with an annoyed expression, "You! You fucking left me alone with the Uchiha and stitch face!"

"And Kisame. I hope. You guys didn't leave him there, right?" I paled, picturing poor li-tall, poor tall Kisame all alone in the mall. Actually, being the shark-man we all know and love, he'd probably 'convince' someone to drive him home... Or just use his ninja powers.

"No, they remembered me." Kisame answered, walking up the stairs at a much slower pace than Hidan with a cute smile on his face. "I got a new fish. Just so you know. I'm gonna go out him in the tank."

"Did you name him yet!?" Kitkat exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

Hidan instantly stiffened, turning slowly to stare at the girl in bewilderment. "You're that damn girl from the wedding!"

"I am. Now cool your hormones and watch Allen." She brushed a piece of purple hair out of her eyes, still leaning heavily on me while I did the same to Tobi.

I was almost in Tobi's lap though, while she was just on my shoulder. It's safe to say if she was sitting in my lap we'd all be a little bit creeped out. Like, seriously, creeped out.

I use the word seriously too much, don't I? Stupid mental pattern.

Hidan sat next to Kitkat on the three person couch, making us all a little uncomfortable- not to mention the huge cast on my fricken leg or anything- but he seemed to derive a sick pleasure from making everyone else uncomfortable.

"Stupid Hidan." I grumbled, taking a bite of the cookie Tobi offered me. How he eats with his mask on still amazes me.

"What was that, bitch?"

"I was telling Kitkat that you like bondage, Hidan." I replied sarcastically, knowing he knew damn well what I said and was just trying to be 'manly'. Nonetheless, I added, "She's into that sorta thing though, so it's okay sweetheart. Don't be shy."

Why I used that as an example...? We'll never know.

Hidan's blushing and pissed off face was worth it though. Kitkat thought it was pretty funny too, if her somewhat awkwardly adorable giggles were any clue. She had a cute laugh, although it was scratchier than most girls'. Probably from singing all the time.

Tobi chuckled, pulling me closer to his chest as Hidan reached over Kitkat to try and grab my throat. I snickered mischievously, burying my face in Tobi's neck as Hidan's fingers grazed my side.

Kitkat continued to laugh, her face looking completely different now adorned with a wide grin. _She looks so cuuuuute_, I mentally fangirled, wathcing her with amusement. Hidan seemed to think the same thing, his arm stopping its attempt at grabbing me.

He looked... _Fricking mesmerized_.

I grinned, glancing at Tobi and whispering, "I told you."

"No. I told you, remember. Tobi was the one to say they'd be staying in the same room." He answered just as quietly, offering me another cookie.

We watched them for another few seconds before I suddenly grabbed my leg, my face contorting on pain. I whimpered, "T-Tobi-kun! Can you take me upstairs? My leg just started hurting. I think I need to take my medicine."

Tobi scooped me into his arms, grabbing another few cookies as well. "Tobi will take Izaya-chan up stairs. Will Kitkat-san be okay for the rest of the night? Izaya gets really sleepy after taking her medicine."

Kitkat nodded, looking honestly worried, "Oh, it's okay. I know how annoying breaking a bone can be. I'll just watch som'more Netflix and I can crash on the couch."

"I think it'd be better if you slept downstairs. It's gets really cold over here with that big window. I wouldn't want you to catch a cold just becuase I'm a pansy." I chirped, still wincing slightly.

"Let's to Izaya-chan. We don't want you to faint." Tobi added, setting the cookies on my stomach and grabbing more.

"Good night!" Kitkat waved, smiling.

"I hope the fucking bugs bite you!" Hidan snapped good-naturedly.

"I hope you get eaten by Cthulhu!" I yelled back, dropping the pained expression I had the second we were put of sight. I grabbed Tobi's mask, yanking it off to see his smirking face. "We're terrible people you know."

"You do remember I'm in the Akatsuki. And I know that weird look you get right before you do something Cupid related. You're lucky I do too, because otherwise I'd be force feeding you that nasty medicine." Tobi opened the door with his free hand, placing another handful of cookies on his stomach to do so.

"If you know me so well, what am I thinking about right now?" I huffed as he threw me on the bed, the cookies going flying.

"I would like to say jumping my bones, but we both know you want to prove me wrong." He responded easily, plopping down next to me to wrap his arms around my waist.

"Nope. I was thinking about the poor cookies you're now squishing with death with sexiness." I smirked, pulling a half destroyed cookie out from under him. "We're getting crumbs all over my bed."

"Tobi will clean it.. Sometime. Maybe." Tobi chirped, sounding strained. I glanced up, watching him worriedly.

"What's with that tone? Are you dying?"

"You have melted chocolate on your collarbone."

"And...?"

"And this is why Harle makes fun of you. Speaking of which, where is the little blonde?"

"She's studying at the library with some friends. She'll be back at like three AM completely wasted and fall asleep on the couch. Midterms stress her out." I shrugged, snuggling back into my little space in his arms.

Tobi sighed loudly, the warm air sending shivers through me. "So, Tobi will have to be quiet tomorrow or hungover-Harle will have my head?"

"Hungover-Harle sounds a drinking game. Or a pirate ship." I noted, finding another cookie under Tobi. It was yummy. Veeeeery yummy.

"You look kinda crazy when you smile like that you know. In a good way."

I rolled my eyes, "Thanks."

"Why do I feel like we're got punk'd?" Kitkat grumbled, cocking her head to the side to try and listen for any noise coming from the top floor.

Hidan shrugged, throwing the remote up in the sir and catching it again and again, "Tobi will have her on total fucking lockdown if her leg hurts. You should've seen him at that damn hospital."

Kitkat blinked, confusion filling her emerald colored eyes, "What was he like?"

"He was a complete mess for one. Didn't leave her side the whole damn time she knocked out. And for two, he wasn't... Tobi. Tobi's normally annoying as hell and all, but even I'll admit it was fucking creepy to see him like that." The Jashinist explained.

"Huh," Kitkat was way too proud of her punky-ness to admit she was a little jealous. I mean, what girl doesn't want a boyfriend to freak out a little when you land yourself in the hospital? She sighed.

We all know you're lying to yourself if you just said no. I'm watching you.

"What the hell's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Hidan asked, tilting his head down to look at her.

"Nothing, idiot." She snapped, glaring accusingly at him.

"Uh-huh. No fucking way I'd believe that." His magenta eyes narrowed.

Kitkat huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're an asshole. You know that right?" She growled, glaring at the infamous Akatsuki.

He leered back, leaning closer. "I know."

They both jumped apart as a loud voice from yelled, "Itachi! Get your Uchiha ass up here! Bring Kisame too!"

Kitkat jerked away from him, blushing even though they hadn't done anything as a sleepy Itachi slowly made his way across the living room and up the stairs.

Hidan roared with laughter, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. "Is someone embarrassed?" He teased.

"Stop teasing the poor thing." Kisame whacked the top of his head, slowly making his way up the stairs to join his partner doing whatever Jessica told them too.

Kitkat scowled, stubbornly shaking her head. "As if! I'm not embarrassed at all. It's not like you've got much to brag about either."

Hidan's eyes narrowed, leaning forward again until they were barely two inches apart. "I have a hell of a lot to brag about, thank you very fucking much." He snapped, grabbing a chunk of purple hair to yank her to his lips.

The punk fearlessy smacked him across the face, scowling. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you.. Sick pervert!"

Hidan laughed, rubbing his red cheek. "I love it when girls aren't afraid to hit me."

"You're a freak."

"Damn straight I am."


	15. Chapter 15 Cookies with grandma

**Im'sorryi'msorryi'msorry! So, so sorry. Like you don't even know how bad I feel about leaving you hanging right now.**

**I'm just gonna go sit and a conrner then and think about my actions, okay? **

**Please don't kill me. I love you guys so much. **

* * *

I made a noise similar to a growl, burying my face in Harle's stomach. "Will you two just shut the hell up and let me enjoy my hangover in peace?" She snapped, patting my head comfortingly.

I imagine Kitkat and Hidan paused for a second, looking at each other and then Harle.

After that, all I heard was more of there super annoying bickering. It was cute at first, okay? But an hour later, it's not so fucking cute. Now, I just wanted to punch them both in the face.

"God dammit, shut up! I will eat your flipping soul if either of you say another word in the next three minutes. Come on, Harle. We're getting the stingray." I picked my head up, glaring at both of them. "Three minutes."

Harle slowly got to her feet, nodding at me. "I'll grab the keys and some Akatsuki."

"Great." I growled, hobbling to the closet to grab the keys off the top shelf and a single pale pink converse. One of the worst things about breaking my leg is the limited pairs of shoes.

By the time I got all the way outside, Hidan and Kitkat were arguing over religion again and Itachi, Harle, and a mask-less Tobi were waiting for me in Harle's truck.

"Izaya-chan! Harle-chan says we're getting a stingray! Isn't that one of those slimy things on animal planet?" Tobi asked as soon as Itachi started the car, looking out the window excitedly.

"No. It's my winter- or broken leg, in this case- car. You can't ride a motorcycle in the winter. At least, not in Michigan. I personally don't want to die in the next ever or so... And slipping on ice seems like a bad way to go."

"True that." Harle added, stretching out across the front seat.

Tobi and I claimed the back, although it wasn't nearly as romantic as it sounds. My back rested against Tobi's shoulder with my leg propped up on the other half of the seat. Plus, Tobi was being Tobi and watching the trees fly by like it was a movie.

Itachi didn't seem to mind the fact that Harle was leaning against him though...

Meow. I snickered to myself, leaning forward to click on the radio. Itachi's not the kind of person to find humor in someone mocking his not-so-love life.

Both Harle and I gasped as the first notes of the next song came on, looking at each other knowingly. "Stop fucking around with my emotions." I snarled, crossing my arms over my chest.

Harle snorted, sassily flicking a piece of hair out of her face. "I like you better when you're numb."

"I am sick and tired of false devotion!" I replied, unable to keep the small smile off my face.

"Devote yourself to moving on." Harle huffed, looking away for effect.

"Izaya-chan, isn't this the song you sang the first day we were here?" Tobi asked, giving me a strange look.

I grinned in return, nodding. "It's called the irony of choking on a lifesaver. It's me and Harle's favorite song you know, because back in high school we really became friends after Harle wore a ATL shirt."

In the review mirror, Itachi was smirking lightly as Harle hummed along. My grin widened. Oh la la, much?

Tobi kissed the side of my face, going back to staring blankly out the window.

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet, aside from direction giving and sing alongs. Itachi was surprisingly understanding of our singing, although he shot down any offers we made for him to join in.

It was almost two o'clock by the time we reached the house, because it was quite the drive, but we would still have time to hang out a little and still make it back for dinner.

"Who lives here? Do they like you?" Was the first thing Tobi said upon arriving at my mother's parents house, after getting over the fact I confiscated his mask.

I thought about my answer... They actually liked me, unlike the rest of my family. They understood that it wasn't my fault my mother is a whore. I didn't choose to be illegitimate.

"My grandparents. They keep my other car in storage during the summer months. Be nice or I'll punch you in the face." I threatened, smiling sweetly as I took his hand in mine.

Harle was explaining the situation to Itachi, a few feet behind us as we made our way to the door. I had to jump- which is quite the fucking feat while wearing a heavy cast- to reach the spare key at the top of the doorframe.

I rang the door bell, just to be nice, before stomping in the house, shaking off any loose dirt from the driveway. The grandparents and I agree on the whole 'no shoes in the house' rule, they just take it a step farther.

"It's the police! We're here to steal your home-goods," I yelled, ever so slowly making my way up the stairs.

Their house was set up so when you entered, you either go upstairs to the living room or downstairs to the 'entertainment' room- that's just code for where they put all the kids' stuff.

My grandmother appeared at the top of the stairs, looking down curiously. Her face broke out into a smile the moment she noticed me, "Hello, sweetpea! What brings you here?"

"I can't visit you just for the hell of it?" I replied, waving my crutch in the air. The movement almost sent me toppling down the stairs, only for Tobi to sigh and scoop me up princess style.

Grandma snickered, watching us with amusement. "So, I see you brought guests, kid. You mind introducing us?"

"Can you wait until I'm on stable ground?" I muttered, looking over Tobi's shoulder at Harle and Itachi. "You already met Harle once, right?"

"I meant the handsome men." She clarified, smiling knowingly at Tobi.

I waited until we were all upstairs and for Tobi to put me down before sighing and pointing to Itachi, "This is Itachi Uchiha, one of my friends. He doesn't talk much but he's very intelligent and likes making fun crime shows."

"That is true. I'm pleased to meet you," Itachi held out his hand, sending me a halfhearted glare.

Grandma obviously approved of Itachi, shaking his hand with a sweet smile adorning her wrinkly face. "You may call me Gramdma, Itachi. I have a feeling you'll like my double chocolate brownies." She has spidey senses too, if you were wondering.

I laughed at Itachi's dumbstruck expression, leaning against Tobi for support. Harle gave a small smile, poking his arm as if reassuring him it was okay.

"And who're you, young man? Holding my granddaughters hand like that, I might get the wrong idea and start knitting little socks." Grandmother teased, her eyes shining with undeniably honest hope.

Tobi laughed, bowing dramatically before taking my grandmothers hand and kissing it, "My name's Tobi. I'm Jessie's _boyfriend_."

The way he said boyfriend sounded almost... Awkward. Like it wasn't the right word or something, you know? Like when you say 'dangit' after you slam your toe. It just didn't do it justice the way, 'Dammit!' does.

I blushed nonetheless, unable to quell the outrageously immature- and pleased- little fangirl inside me. "Tobi." I growled with no venom, hiding my face in his shoulder.

Tobi laughed again, tilting my face up to kiss to tip of my nose. "Izaya-chan."

I blushed deeper, stepping away from him. "I'm gonna go find Grandpa, okay? Don't interrogate the boys and don't give Tobi too much sugar while I'm gone." I told grandma, pursing my lips.

Harle laughed, nodding for the boys to follow her into the kitchen as grandma agreed, "He's probably checking up on the cornfield. Don't trip."

I rolled my eyes, scowling as I make my way back down the stairs and out the door.

Grandpa was indeed in the cornfield, looking over the tall plants and heading towards the pumpkins. Considering tomorrow is Halloween, I should ask if I can have a few for carving. Even if we don't get trick-or-treaters, I _have_ to introduce the Akatsuki to pumpkin carving. I know they would love it.

Grandpa scooped me into his arms first thing, smiling down at me. "How've you been, sweetpea?"

"Oh, you know. I just snapped my leg. Party rockin. The usual." I giggled, leaning on my crutch and hugging him with the other arm. "I brought someone I want you to meet. He's really special to me."

We walked back in silence, comfortably smiling at each other. My grandpa wasn't one for talking, even when I haven't seen him in months. The only time I can get him to really talk is when I ask him to teach me something.

"Tobi, get your ass down here and carry me, please?"

He darted down the stairs, one eyebrow raised. "At least you said please." He yanked me into a princess carry, nuzzling the side of my face as we climbed back up the stairs. Idiot. He's my idiot though.

We spent quite some time talking with my grandparents, filled with embarrassing stories that I'm not sharing with you and eating sweets meant for the church.

At one point my grandpa took Tobi and Itachi out to go fill the truck with veggies and pumpkins, at which my grandma asked, "You've 'tapped that,' right? Isn't that what the kids say these days?"

I choked on my brownie, my eyes watering as I struggled to swallow properly. Harle was meanwhile rolling on the floor in laughter, giving my grandma a thumbs up, "Damn straight she has, grandma!"

I was still trying to compose myself when Tobi came back in, looking highly amused and pleased with himself as he announced that we had a truck full of pumpkins. I rolled my eyes, patting the spot next to me.

They launched into another 'lets embarrass Jessie' streak, which although annoying was rather hilarious.

I was yawning when I felt my phone buzz. Yanking it out almost violently, I saw that it was my house. I answered immediately, standing up to to hobble into the kitchen for more privacy. "What's up?"

"One of your... Cousins is here with a message from Hell. She claims to mean no harm yet Zetsu caught her scooping the place out before hand." Pein answered slowly, talking over the sound of snarling and cuss words."She and Hidan aren't getting along."

"Of course they aren't." I sighed, hitting my head on the fridge in exasperation. Hidan in general doesn't get along with anyone. "What's the message then?"

"She won't tell anyone but her princess." He deadpanned, probably rolling his eyes.

"Uh-huh." Nodding, I banged my head on the fridge again. Dumbass. Hidan, I mean, not Pien. I would probably be killed if I ever called Pein a dumbass.

"Then do you want me to- Tobi I'm on the phone." I scowled down at the arms that had wrapped around me.

Said masked man just shrugged, tightening his grip on my waist. "Tobi doesn't mind."

I huffed, turning my attention back to Pien. "Tobi and I can be there in about an hour if we leave right now and speed. I'm sure Itachi can get remember the way here."

"That would be best. Kisame has already asked me twice if we can bribe Kakuzu into sewing their mouths shut." He sighed.

"If she's really a cousin it won't do much so you can go ahead. I'll give you my blessing." I replied dryly, loosening Tobi's grip enough that I could walk again. "Hey, grandma! We got a problem back home so we gotta head out."

She frowned, standing up slowly. "At least take some of these cookies then, dear. You need to keep up your calorie count." She made her way to the kitchen as she said this, grabbing Tobi's shoulder and dragging him along with her.

I snorted, "For what? I'm a cripple!" I've been doing literally nothing for the past week! If anything I should be gaining weight. Not like that's much of a challenge considering my diet...

From the kitchen, she yelled over the sound of Saran Wrap, "But it's not good for the grandkids if you don't keep your weight up!"

Harle cackled with laughter, leaning on Itachi for support.

I paled, glancing at grandpa pleadingly, "She's not serious right?"

"You know how she gets things in her head." He shrugged, seemingly unaffected by her sudden craving for grandkids. Why can't she just be okay with having my brothers' kid? He's the married one after all.

Sighing loudly, I hobbled my way back down the stairs and out the back door, heading to the storage barn outback.

My beautiful stingray waited just were I left her, a sheet shielding her from the numerous dangers of being housed in barn. I dramatically yanked it off, smiling.

My smile faltered when I realized Tobi would be the one to drive it the first time this season. Dammit.

I slowly made my way to the passengers seat, quickly starting her up and looking through my CD collection. I usually bought solid copies and then burned them onto my computer you see, so I just left the ones I liked in my stingray.

I'm in a... Mana mode.

I popped it in and started flicking through the options, glancing up when I heard the door open. Tobi smiled at me, stating, "Harle and Itachi are gonna get a late lunch before they come back."

I smirked, drumming the pads of my fingers like a cliché movie villain. "I see my plan is going well then." I need a white cat to pet now. Maybe some henchmen to boss around and _one million dollars!_

"And you get after grandma for trying to get grandkids." He accused teasingly, smoothly pulling out. He was a quick learner, so I'm not exactly surprised.

"You're just supporting her because you like the idea of attempting to make kiddies. Pervert." I shot back, pursing my lips in annoyance. Tobi's cute and all and it's not like I refuse him or anything, but I do have other things I'm supposed to be doing.

Like reading fanfiction and re-watching shows I've watched a hundred times before. Good times.

Tobi didn't bother to critique me, just shrugging and leaning over to kiss me cheek.

I smiled, closing my eyes as I relaxed against the expensive leather interior. I'll admit I felt bad for the cow but he made a nice chair.

**~_~_~_~_~_~_~ oh, look. I learned how to use time skip lines again. **

"April." I stated, waiting for Tobi to sit down on the couch so I could snuggle him. He wrapped his arms around me, probably smiling behind his mask. My spidey senses told me so.

"Princess." The demon flinched, nervously looking at the ground. She was a pretty high ranking officer last time I heard, although she is a lower level demon with not a drop of royal blood in her. She climbed her way up with violence and smooth talking.

I sighed, "Explain." Stupid lower level demons. They should know I'm not really a threat. Sure, I could kill them without a second thought, but that didn't mean I will. That'd just be mean, right?

"I was sent as a messenger from the king. He wanted to warn you that we have declared war on the angels again, one of them attacked a mate so... You might not be safe here, and he requests that you move to the palace."

My jaw dropped. W-what did she just say!? He wants me to move in with him? Me? The bitchy rebellious kid?

Hidan snorted, shouting, "Oh hell no!"

April whipped her head around, glaring at him with pitch black eyes. "This doesn't concern you, stupid hu-"

"Shut up." I snapped. "Do not insult my clan or I will have you demoted back a wimpy little crossroads attendant." Or I could just kill her. Either way.

She bowed her head, sighing loudly. "I apologize princess. I did not realize you had lowered yourself to 'playing' with humans."

I ground my teeth, narrowing my eyes at the bitch. "I did not realize you had a death wish. Now, either get out of my home or Zetsu will eat you. We both know you are easily replaced."

"When did we decide to eat her? **Shut up. This is a good thing.**" Zetsu agreed... Sort of. You can't really get a straight answer, considering most times the just argue for the sake of arguing.

I wonder how that works when they're trying to fall asleep. Like, 'hey, can we flip over, this is uncomfortable for me.' 'Eh, sucks for you then.'

Huh. I should ask him one of these days.

April pouted, giving me a pleading last glance. "Please, consider moving in with the king. It has been hard on us all after losing Lilith." The 'and becoming queen' was silent.

"Leave." I nodded slowly, my heart hurting. I need to distract myself, fast.

She darted out, the energy around her spiking as she slammed the door shut. So she would be going directly to hell then.

I waited about ten seconds, nervously biting the inside of my mouth and wondering what we should do next. "Can we watch Ouran now?" I asked, looking around for approval.

Hidan and Kisame shrugged. Pein nodded but added on, "Konan found a recipe on... Pinterest? Or something. It should be done in about half an hour. Where is Itachi and Harle-san?"

I smirked, waggling my eyebrows. "They're on a "friendly lunch date." _Supposedly_."

Pein just rolled his eyes, wondering off to do whatever he does during the day.

"Tobi thinks this is an elaborate plan to make us want to stay because Itachi is the only one who wants to go home." Tobi teased, nudging the side of my face with his mask.

I shot him a glare, looking at Kisame. "Where's Kakuzu and the rest of my idiots?"

"Sasori was going through your log pile last time I saw him, Kakuzu was making a list of things we need at the store, and Deidara was 'skyping' that girl he likes." He replied, grabbing the wii remote for me.

"Did Kitkat leave without saying goodbye?" I waited impatiently as it started up, trying not to think about what April had said.

"Her fucking boyfriends called. They had a... Gig or something." Hidan answered, looking irritated. Aw, he's jealous!

"You do know that they're gay, right?" I asked, tilting my head to the side as I stared at the wii in amazement. "Who the hell was playing Just Dance while I was out?"

Hidan suddenly became very interested in my ceiling, while Kisame just pressed his lips together and remained silent. I narrowed my eyes, raising my eyebrows, "Now, we can do this the east way or the hard way, Hida-chan."

"I don't know what you're ta-" He stopped, sighing loudly, "Fuck. Fine, whatever. Just don't tell that bitch Kitkat."

I leaned forward, smiling encouragingly. This is gonna be a good story. I can tell.

"Well... Konan made a bet with me, Deidara, and Fish-face, and..."

I couldn't fall asleep. My body was tired, but my mind wouldn't shut up.

What if... What if she wasn't lying? My father was brash and rather abrasive, I'll admit... but he is also a very good leader as much as I hate to admit it. He doesn't act rashly when he knows his people are on the line.

What caused this? Declaring war isn't one of those things that demon-kind just _do_ like humans. Especially with angels.

They're our brothers and sisters for gods sake! They just didn't rebel like the fallen did. Technically speaking they would be our great aunts and uncles wouldn't they?

Wars in our kind can last hundreds of years, decimating our numbers.

And... Losing Lilith, I guess I never really realized that demons care about their queen just as much, if not more, than humans do. I'm too young to have seen what it was like before Lilith died. It's also probably part of what played into the decision to start a war in the first place.

Maybe if I... Moved into the palace then he'd call off the war and we could go back to living in semi peace like we had before.

Then at least I'd be able to protect my Akatsuki. They wouldn't have to worry about being kidnapped and tortured by angels. I wouldn't have to spaz out when they wanted to venture into the outside world. And they'd be safe.

Fuck.

I don't even know what to think anymore!

I turned on my side, facing Tobi. He was soundly asleep, half his face hidden in my Sesshoumaru fur and one arm thrown over my waist to keep me near.

I could see the scars that I loved so much to trace strewn across his body, reminding me that he had his share of hardships. But angels are so much stronger than any kind of human could ever be.

Maybe that's why I was never into Naruto, because I knew not even the strongest ninja could stand a chance against one of us. All it takes is one touch and they can rip your soul out.

Angels aren't that kind though. They like to play with their pray, waiting until they're on their last leg to put them out of their misery.

My worried mind produced images of Tobi being tortured, the rest of my Akatsuki laying dead behind him. Not even Hidan's immortal body could survive without a soul. He'd be an actual zombie, simply moving without any reason or mind.

My breathing hitched as I tried to get control of my tears. _No. I can't let them hurt my Akatsuki_.

But how am I supposed to protect them?

Do I supernatural proof the whole house? Them I wouldn't be able to cross onto my own land, because the wards would scorch me before I could take a step in. One of the downsides of being so closely related to angels is that we know each others' weaknesses well.

Could I just stay here indefinitely and kill anything that crosses the broader? But then how am I supposed to provide for them? They can't exactly get jobs with their ninja skills. Plus, it's not like they don't go out without me. Take Itachi and Harle for example.

Harle.

My heart stopped.

The angels are bound to know how close Harle and I are, and she's just a human! She wouldn't survive the first round of torture.

Her bright smile would disappear forever, and she would undoubtedly be scarred for the rest of her life. She would be broken.

_I can't... I cannot let that happen. No matter what I have to do to protect them._

I slowly unwrapped Tobi's arm from my torso. No matter what, I repeated, fighting back the stupid, weak tears.

My lover barely stirred, wrapping his arm around the Sesshoumaru fur instead of me. He understands sometimes I get to hot. Tonight wasn't one of those nights. I felt colder than ice, and wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and forget about the world.

But I need to keep them safe. I love them. I love Tobi's personality and the way he kisses me. I love Deidara's art and his constant bickering with Sasori. I love Kisame's gill markings and the face he makes when they use shark meat in foodnetwork. I love Itachi's cooking and how happy he makes my oblivious best friend. I love having coffee with Kakuzu and getting into arguments with Hidan. I love Zetsu's spilt nature and his beautiful flower garden. I love playing dress up with Konan and annoying Pein for no reason.

And I can't live with myself if I'm the only reason they're in danger.

I hobbled my way downstairs, careful not to wake anyone. I slowly made my way to the porch, demonic energy flaring. My hands made claws that easily tore through my cast, abandoning it on the hardwood.

I closed my eyes, reminding myself one more time, _no matter what_ I need to keep them alive.


	16. Chapter 16 And I thought Hidan was bad

**Me; *Awkwardly looks around house.* It's kinda lonely doing online school... But now the only dumbass I have to deal with on a daily basis is my dog. **

**Jess; Shut up. It's kinda really fucking annoying being in HELL. **

**Me; Oh. Sorry about that. Sorry about the pre- fuck. Never mind. The people reading this can't know that just yet. **

**Jess; *brandishes claws* You have anymore spoilers you wanna share? **

* * *

I'm a mess.

Black trails marred my cheeks from the mascara I forgot to wash off and my body refused to stop shaking. My wings pressed against my back protectingly, my tail wrapped around my waist. I felt so vulnerable, even when I knew no one could touch me in this form.

Is this what having your heart torn apart feels like then?

I yanked the solid oak throne room doors open, violently interrupting whatever meeting they had going on and probably blowing out a few candles without a second thought. The king of hell lives in a castle after all. Even if I broke these doors down he could have them fixed by morning.

My legs moved without my consent, running across the room so fast I probably blurred.

Don't get me wrong, I hate my father. I really do. I can't explain why I turned to him for help when I was falling apart instead of crying in my suit like a Disney princess... but I did. I threw my arms around him, hiding my face in his chest.

"Love?" Father asked, slowly wrapping one arm around my waist and using the other to motion for the elder demons to get out. They quickly darted away, some already murmuring about a new queen. Idiots.

I just took a deep breath, inhaling the same scent that had helped me so many times when I lost control. When I was younger, I didn't have anyone to take care of me like I do for Lucky. I would snap and people would die.

But ironically enough, Lucifer was always there to pick up the pieces for me, regardless of my attitude. He didn't call me names and beat me like my brothers and mama. He loved me unconditionally, and when I was younger I'll admit to loving him back.

He didn't see me as the next potential queen back then. He saw me as a broken little girl accidentally brought into the world. My conception was just an after effect of a fight between my mother and step father, and a bored fallen archangel. Lilith didn't care as long as he came back to her in the end anyway.

Speaking of Lilith, I should explain. Lilith was one of the first demons, and the story goes that she and father fell in love instantly, although most did not approve of their relationship because she was a made demon and not born, which is considered inferior. Father quickly 'disposed of' these rumors and Lilith has been queen ever since.

Demons mate for life you see, but it is considered weak not to have a queen. So, it makes sense from a demons point of view that he would start looking for another wife almost ten years after her death. In demon culture it's also acceptable for him to select me, considering my strength and bloodline.

Technically speaking its incest, but being that he's an angel, I inherited all my mothers human blood with just a little extra.

Does that make sense? The only part of me that was his is my demon-ness. All my human bits and whatnot are from my mom. If Lucifer and I were hypothetically of course to have children they would have all my human qualities also, being that he's a fallen. They would become normal demons in terms of breed, or race, or whatever you want to consider it.

"Darling, I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong." Father voiced, wrapping his free arm round my shoulders and laying his head on top of mine.

Tears were dripping down my face, but I felt oddly calm. I tightened my grip on daddy, refusing to give into the pitiful whimpers I could feel in my throat.

Father sighed, "Did something happen?"

"H-Harle." I managed, grinding my teeth in aggravation. I don't stutter. He rubbed soothing circles on my back, right between my wings where the muscles got extremely sore.

"Harle is your little human friend right? The one that's still with her first boyfriend?"

I nodded, trying to steady my breathing. "She's in trouble if I stay up there. They're all just human. She's so fragile and I c-can't let her get hurt." Tobi. I'm so sorry.

"Do you want me to assign a witch to put wards on her house?" He asked calmly, pulling back a little bit to kiss my nose and press his forehead against mine like his always used to. His dark burgundy eyes comforted me, sparkling prettily in the candle light.

I remembered when I used to want his eye color, thinking it beautiful despite its oddity. Just like all my Akatsuki. I loved them, even if they're a bunch of mass murderers with slightly sociopathic tendencies. They all had quirks that made them who they are and they accepted me.

I felt my lips trembling, wanting to cry again. "Can you put one on my house too? I don't want them getting hurt because of me." This is why demons aren't supposed to get close to people.

Father's eyes softened, giving me a look that bordered on pity. "If that will make you happy. I take it that you plan on staying here then? Just until the war cools down?"

I broke eye contact, looking down. "Yeah. I don't... I can't let them get hurt because of what I am... I feel like my heart's being ripped out though, daddy." I held him tighter, hiding my face in the crock of his neck. "It hurts."

Why doesn't it stop hurting? I know something's wrong! I don't need my body sending signals anymore. I just need Tobi. I broke down.

Daddy just held me, not saying anything. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make it any better. I cried until no more tears would come, my chest aching and my throat dry and scratchy.

I didn't move once I calmed down, leaning heavily against father.

My eyes dropped, wanting sleep despite my unwillingness to do so. As much as it pains me to admit it, I felt safe with father, safer than I've felt at any point when up above.

Even wrapped in my lovers' arms, there was always that part that knew what I was doing was wrong, that was on edge. Falling for a human is wrong. Falling for a human puts them in danger, makes them a living target. I will outlive him by hundreds of years, despite anything I might do on the contrary.

But I couldn't help it. By the time I realized what was going on I was too far gone.

The worst part is that he loved me back. He would whisper it in my ear, tucking my hair behind my ear gently. He would kiss me and smile so lovingly I would melt. He refused to let me forget that fact for even a minute, constantly reminding me in simple gestures that I was his. He was mine.

"Just go to sleep. It'll stop the hurt for a little, princess."

I let those words sooth me, allowed myself that small comfort.

I gave into sleep, knowing I'd wake up alone. Without my Tobi.

**~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Oh, look. A time skip line. **

The masked shinobe was a little surprised when he woke up without Jess by his side, knowing that she liked to sleep in as long as possible, either until Hidan broke something or one of the others wanted something.

He was almost instantly awake, a trait he'd picked up after years of being a ninja on the run. He quietly walked downstairs, checking the bathroom first just in case she had woken up early use her jacuzzi.

Most of the house was still asleep, except Itachi and Pein, where silently drinking coffee across the table from one another.

Tobi made his way to the table, furrowing his brows beneath the mask Jess disliked so much. He smirked at the thought, remembering all the times removing his mask would lead to kisses.

Itachi and Pein looked up at Tobi expectantly, knowing there must be a reason for him to be up so early. "Have you seen Izaya-chan?" He asked seriously, his face dropping his smirk.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, stating simply, "I thought she would be with you. I haven't seen her since last night. Harle had to sleep downstairs because she thought you would be..."

This distracted him for a split second, knowing that this milestone would please Jess. Where is Jessie though? He narrowed his eyes, Sharingan becoming active. "She isn't." He growled.

Pein almost flinched, remembering the same tone from when Jessica landed in the hospital. They had to restrain Tobi when the nurse out the IV in wrong, making an unconscious Jess whimper and blood to pool under her arm, although all the Akatsuki clearly wanted to teach her to be a bit more careful.

Itachi had a similar reaction, standing upright immediately and announcing sharply, "I'll check downstairs. Pein-sama, please call Zetsu and make him search the area."

"I'll do it." Tobi snapped, going out the front door to look for any signs Jess had intentionally left or that of a struggle.

There was just a demon here, warning about a new war nonetheless. Her reaction to this was strange, Tobi had noticed at the time, seeing her face cloud with confusion and then suddenly slip back into a happy mask.

He wanted to ask her last night but as soon as they went upstairs Jess nearly attacked him. It's really not his fault he forgot to ask while his lover was so enthusiastic. She was rarely the one to make the first move anyway, let alone like that.

Tobi sighed, growling under his breath. It makes sense now. She knew something like this would happen, and was trying to make the most of their time together.

"Zetsu!" He demanded, all traces of 'Tobi' erased from his voice.

Zetsu melted out of a tree nearby, his black side's mouth pulled down. "Yes?" His white side asked pleasantly, as cheerful as you really can be after being rudely awaken by a beyond pissed Uchiha.

"Do a search of the entire area. Jessica has gone missing." Tobi was shaking with barely contained anger, wishing he had someone to blame this on.

_Jessie would never leave on her own. She loves me,_ he reminded himself, slamming his fist onto the door frame behind him. It splintered, leaving a large dent the same size as his fist.

Someone was going to pay. Tobi would make sure of it. He would get his Izaya-chan back, no matter what he had to do. It didn't matter. He would make her safe again.

I thought my tears had ran out. I really did. I'm not one of those bitches that cry when they break a nail. I'm one of those bitches that barely cry out when her brothers best her into a stupor.

But when I didn't feel my Sesshoumaru fur and Tobi's warmth in my giant princess bed, I burst into overly dramatic tears that made Cinderella seem calm.

The plush silver blankets I was wrapped in were stained with salt water and the occasional black feather by the time I was done, looking out of place in the gorgeous palace suit father had given me.

The walls were a sexy silver that glittered ever so slightly in the firelight and somehow went perfectly with the traditional stone flooring. On the walls were several candelabras filled with ruby candles. The main focus of the room though was the huge fire place across from my bed.

All in all, it was a pretty nice place to wallow over a broken heart in.

It had only been forty eight hours since I left, and in that time I've dried my tear ducts twice, killed three angels that had the nerve to try to attack me when I up to buy some clothes that weren't princess of hellish, and eaten two souls that rubbed me the wrong way at the wrong time.

And I thought shopping with Hidan was troublesome.

I went shopping in LA, making certain that no one would recognize me. Father made two demons follow me too, and he did assign a witch to put wards that no angel or demon could cross onto around both Harle's farm and my property.

It made me rest a little easier, although I still felt like I was betraying them by trying to help keep my loved ones safe. I was very conflicted.

I decided to out myself at ease by visiting my house, a heavy aura of demonic power shrouding me from most humans. Their eyes just passed over me, refusing to see whst they didn't want to and protecting themselves from my evil.

Father just waved me off when I said I was visiting them, reminding me to kill any angels on sight.

He knew even while I was staying by his side I was thinking of Tobi and the others. Even when he was trying to force me into marriage, he wanted me to be happy.

He must have hired a good witch to put up the ward too, because I couldn't even see through it. It looked like empty farmland, even my house safely hidden from any angel or demon that came near. They'd probably notice something was up when their skin startled roasting.

I felt my own skin start to prickle from my perch twenty feet in the air on a pine branch. Sighing lowly, I ignored the burning sensation, wondering when one of them would leave. I wanted to see their faces.

Father wouldn't mind if I stayed a little longer, being that he was making battle plans. At night he would kiss my forehead tenderly and ask if I would be his queen after I healed my broken heart. The answer was no, of course, and every time he mentioned Tobi something ached in me.

And not the usual "I really need a soul" hunger I've been feeling quite a bit lately. It was like something had been removed from me without permission.

I made a face, my tail wrapping around my stomach protectively. Maybe it's because I've been going full-demon almost constantly the last two days, but I've had a nasty craving for souls lately. Most years I can make it with only one, and considering I took out an apartment complex during the wedding I should be all set. But no. My tummy's just begging for more, wanting another right after I feed.

At least living in hell now I can just pluck one from the pit before they metamorphose into a demon. I feel less guilty knowing they did some bad stuff in their lifetime.

Not to mention the fact I've already gained weight from not being active for so long.

If I went demon sooner I would've been able to heal my leg in a day, but... I poked the slight bulge in my abdomen, wondering how it got there without my notice. I wonder if Tobi noticed. Probably, considering its unlikely it appeared in the two days I've been 'missing'.

How dare he not tell me I was getting chubby!

Huffing, I covered my stomach again, folding my arms over it. I leaned against the sap-stained tree and crossing my heel wearing feet lazily. I bought four pairs when I went shopping, knowing that father had ways of obtaining money. It did little to sooth my broken heart, but it did boost my damaged ego.

Speaking of damage... Looks like Harle and Konan are going on their daily walk.

I felt pins and needles going into my heart when my sharp eyes caught the dark circles under their eyes and the faded mascara tracks on Harle's cheeks. They were talking quietly, one of Konan's arms wrapped comfortingly around Harle's waist.

"Do you think they'll find her soon?" Harle asked, sighing deeply. Her voice hitched, sounding rough from crying just like mine.

Konan paused, looking up at the overcast sky. "I honestly don't know. I know Tobi isn't one to give up though. He really loves her, which in our world is a weakness but..."

Tobi.

I hunched forward, smothering my cries with my hand. My aura would only go so far in keeping me invisible. Plus, Konan's a ninja, remember? It's not like she wouldn't notice one of the trees sobbing.

I can't... I reminded myself, shaking my head stubbornly. I needed to keep them safe.

I left quickly after that, knowing any more time spent their would just hurt me. I stopped at the pit before making my way to meet up with father, grabbing a rather yummy soul.

Someone had a lot of anger in them, I thought, noticing the slightly spicy aftertaste. It was a new soul though, probably only one or two very short reincarnations, so it didn't have much of a punch.

Entering the castle like structure with the air of the princess I am, I made my way to the kitchen, grabbing a tote of sadness-drowning-ice-cream and a large spoon.

I leisurely strolled to the throne room, rotating my bites between the three flavors. It tasted heavenly, if I do say so myself. Hahaha. No pun intended, guys.

Father barely glanced up as the large doors were thrown open, raising a single eyebrow at my ice cream. "What happened to you, sugar?" He asked, ignoring the looks his advisor demons were giving him.

I silently walked to his side, curling up in his lap and looking over his battle plans boredly. "This is all you've gotten done in the last three hours?" I accused.

I felt the air shudder with power, one of his advisors getting a little excited. "How dare to you talk _Lucifer_ in such a fashion!" He snapped.

I took another bite of ice cream, glancing up at the blonde haired male that had spoken. He appeared to be about twenty five, although in demon years that was saying something.

I stiffened, feeling father's arm wrapping around my waist as I snarled back, "You are lucky that we need all the elders we need or I would have you killed for talking to _me_, in such a fashion. I'm am not a lowly concubine. I am the eldest princess and expected queen!"

My father made a low purring noise, audible to only me. I quickly regretted those words, although the elders expression almost made up for it. He scrambled to make up for it, but I just flicked my tail in his direction dismissively. Basically 'fuck you' in demon language.

Taking another bite of ice cream, I glanced at the others coolly, as if challenging them to disobey me. None of them reacted aside from glancing at the dishonored man pityingly.

"Now that we all know out places, we should plan on receiving a large amount of new demons soon. I visited the pit earlier, and many are close to being full fledged. With a little training they could replace the guards and we could use them as soldiers." I suggested with a smile, motioning to the castle guards.

"Princess, we would feel uncomfortable leaving you and Lucifer with new demons." A younger girl said softly, pushing her shiny brown hair out of her eyes.

I shrugged. "We're both big kids that can take care of some angels. We don't need to be protected so closely. If anything we should be protecting you."

Father's laughter bounced around the room, making me nearly drop my ice cream. I pouted, glaring at him over my shoulder.

His ruby eyes sparkled, his face looking more like I remember it from when I was a kid. It's not normal for your parents to look like they were in their late twenties, and in the last few years I've noticed signs of his aging. Now though, I could see that he was the same man that would take me to the zoo when I was a kid, not giving a damn if I missed school or Lucky was freaking out.

I felt tears coming to my eyes for no reason and suddenly I was laughing along with him, smiling for the first time in two days.

I shook my head after calming down, feeling the first pricks of stomach cramps. Damn. "Okay. You guys take my suggestion into play then. I'm gonna get a pedicure and take a bath." I sighed, releasing myself from father with little difficulty. Most of the time he'd fight me a little more.

Several people called after me, "Good bye, princess!" I just shrugged it off, finding off the container of ice cream on my way to the spa. Yes, hell has a spa. Shut up.

I stopped in my room to grab a towel and put on my bikini first. Checking myself sideways in the mirror to make sure I didn't have too much of a pudge, I felt another spasm of pain in my abdomen.

That strange locked feeling in my jaw warned me before hand, and I darted into my master bathroom with just enough time to lose my breakfast shake and all the ice cream into my beautiful Victorian sink. What a waste.

"Ewww!" I whined, pulling a clump of hair with the unfortunate fate of being covered in half digested dairy out of the mess and quickly rinsing it off. Disgusting.

Maybe it was all the souls I've been eating lately.

I brushed it off, hopping into my shower after quickly deciding my pedi could wait and scrubbing out my sink. I had to hold my breath the whole time and refused to touch it. I know that dumb considering its my food and all but... Ugh.

Gross, gross, gross! I repeated it like a mantra as I violently cleaned my short black hair with the exotic smelling shampoo father had provided. Only the bangs and the longer parts of my layers were affected, but I wasn't giving any slack.

"Jessie, hon! Where are you?" I nearly screamed when my father yelled from the other room, throwing the bathroom door open as if he owned the- fuck. He does own the place.

I yanked the fancy shower curtain to the side, leaning against the wall at such an angle all he could see was my face. "What the hell!?" I demanded, trying to calm my heartbeat.

"Well, we are in hell..." He mused, sniffing and scrunching up his nose. "You were sick I take it? I looked for you in the spa but I guess this explains it. I told you yesterday, souls and ice cream is not a heathy diet."

I rolled my eyes, leaning over to grab a towel from the rack and closing the curtain again. "Yeah, yeah. I figured that when I emptied my stomach out. I think it's just cramps though," I sighed, securely wrapping myself up before stepping out and brushing past him.

I was hardly surprised when he followed me, replying teasingly, "I like how comfortable you are with me, but I'd rather not hear about your woman problems."

I entered my closet, closing the door firmly behind me before dropping the towel and changing into my usual night time outfit, a tank top with a cute saying on it and a pair of yoga pants. My tank top this time had a chibi Italy and Germany with big letters under it stating: "I ship it."

Father was lounging on my bed when I came back out, looking like he was thinking about something. I grabbed his ankle and yanked him onto the floor before laying down myself.

He just huffed, standing up with way too much pride for someone who was just taken out my his own daughter. Bastard.

"Good night then dearest. I can tell you're not in the mood for company." He kissed my forehead, smirking lightly before pressing his lips to my own.

I froze, my hands curling into fists. He grimaced in pain as one connected with his stomach, sending him flying backwards. "Not in the mood." I growled, noticing there was now a dent in the shape of his wings on my wall.

He just smirked, once again getting to his feet and walking a fucking pervert.

I huffed, looking at the cold stone floor in annoyance. That must've hurt a bit when he fell...

Sucks for him.

I gave a rueful grin, thinking of Tobi and Deidara. One of Deidara's most common relies when I told him to stop trying to kill my boyfriend is the ever popular, "Sucks for you then, yeah?"

What a tool.


	17. Chapter 17 T&I specialist Grace

**WARNING. DO YOU SEE THIS!? THERE IS A WARNING. YOU BETTER BE READING THIS, DARLING READER. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS TODAY, BY THE WAY. ANYWAY. WARNING. **

**I'm putting a fucking warning here for a reason. Honestly I don't think it's really that bad but... Some people... Anyway, I don't want anybody to get all uncomfortable because it mentions torture. There's a war going on if you haven't been paying attention. **

**And another thing, just because Jessica is completely oblivious to everything, doesn't mean you need to post when you figure out something. Got it? I don't wanna know that you figured out there's gonna be a fricken Dinosaur or some shit in the last chapter. IT'S A SURPRISE. **

**So. Don't post spoilers or anything that remotely comes close. it's annoying as hell and I just wanna cyber punch people who do it. **

**...**

**Now that I've got that out of my system. Hope you like it and please review because it makes my day that I made somebody else happy by updating. **

**I love all my readers too, even the silent ones and the guest users. **

**Oh, and I was just wondering but... Does it piss anyone else off when people say ****_New-tella_****? Instead of ****_nu-tella_****? As in ****_NUT_****... Not newt.**

**My little sister does that and I just get really annoyed. You don't have ****_peanewt_**** butter jelly sandwiches. You don't roast fucking ****_walnewts_****.**

**Ugh. *shudders overly dramatically* **

**Anyway... On with the story. **

* * *

_I will not break. I will not scream. I will not scream. I will not fucking scream. I will not allow myself under any circumstances to scream. I am a big bad demon chick that will not scr-_

I screamed.

The angel holding the knife laughed, flicking her straight blonde hair over her shoulder. "Look, she's not as mean as Lilith then, huh? That icy bitch didn't break once." She purred, dragging the point over my ribs without cutting.

It left large welts in its wake, proof that she had used a blessed knife. It would leave scars if she broke skin. There are so many things I want to call her for that.

I spat my blood at her, scowling. "How about you shut the fuck up? I'm sure daddy is real proud of what his-"

She slapped me, her expression livid. "Shut your mouth, you little defect."

Defect? As in defect from _heaven_? Oh, please!

"I'm a fucking demon! I never swore allegiance to some invisible god!" I growled, once again struggling against my restrictions. "At least I can see where my orders are coming from!"

The chains bit into my wrists and ankles, but that was nothing compared to what I've been through in the last three hours. I glared at the female angel, grinding my teeth to keep from crying out again.

She backed away, turning to grab another instrument off her little table of goodies.

There were three others in the room, all watching me with varying degrees of disgust and curiosity. Out of the four, there was the T&I specialist bitch, a male with black hair that was consistently smirking at me, another blonde boy that looked like he was about to fall asleep, and a petite woman that would sometimes go to check the parameters when she got to ill. She can't stand me, but apparently blood makes her dizzy.

The T&I bitch stepped right outside my confining circle, purposely making sure she didn't touch it. If she did she was as good as dead, because although angels tend to have more experience and power than demons, we're physically stronger then them. I could snap her pretty little neck in a second if only she gave me the chance.

I thrashed against the chains as she got closer to me with a syringe full of holy water. That stuff fucking burns me when it's just splashed on my skin, let alone injected directly into my veins.

She slammed my right arm down, my shoulder making a sickening cracking noise in the process. White hot pain shot through me, almost making me whimper. I scowled, going limp.

The angel continued to press down on my broken shoulder, laughing in delight when I hissed in pain. "Awww, did that hurt? I'm so sorry, honey. Maybe this'll make it better." She purred, jabbing the needle into my vein with a practiced precision.

Pain.

I wanted to cry and scream and do anything to make it stop. It spread throughout my entire body in a matter of seconds, burning anything in its path.

I felt oddly comforted by the familiarity of this pain though, as she had done this seven times in the last few days. At least I knew what to except and how long it would take to fade. It only lasted for about five minutes before my blood corrupted it. _Only five minutes of mind numbing pain._ Only.

I shuddered, refusing to scream. Not again. They will not break me.

The angel watched me with what could only be disappointment, tilting her head to the side innocently. "I think she needs more red. I haven't even started on your face and neck yet."

"Why don't you go play hero with your other imaginary friends? Your dad's gonna get lonely i-" I gasped, looking down at the knife now sticking out of my stomach.

She didn't waste time before plunging another into my left arm, right between the bones and into the table under me. How she managed to do it I'll never know but it sure as hell hurt.

"At least my father isn't planning on killing the most beautiful creation!" She snarled, yanking the knife out of my arm.

I raised an eyebrow, shaking my head and asking shakily, "You angels really have no idea why you're doing these things anymore, do you? Father gave up that ambition thousands of years ago."

The female laughed, yanking that stupid blade out of my stomach. She pressed her hand onto it, healing it just enough to quell the bleeding. "We wouldn't want you passing out anytime soon." She explained, licking the blood off her knife.

Eww. She calls me things like filthy and disgusting when she's the one licking my blood. That's just wrong.

My lips curled into a deadly smile, swallowing the blood gathering in my mouth. "Bring it, bitch. My daddy will kill those who hurt his children, unlike your li-" I gasped.

Oh, look.

Another knife in my thigh. At least she's branching out a little. I think my abdomen has had enough for one torture session. I'm already coughing blood and we haven't even been going on a week yet. Maybe she's planning on healing me fully though pretty soon, so then we can start from scratch again.

Killing me would do them no good after all, becuase dead people, or demons I guess, can't give you very much information in exchange for no more pain. As if. They might as well kill me if they expect me to double cross anyone.

I rolled my eyes as she ripped the serrated blade from my leg, looking up at the other angels in the room instead of my blood gushing out. "You guys have been rather quiet. Torturing an innocent not your thing, huh?"

"You're hardly innocent, demon filth!" The girl with hemophobia whined, looking up from her... Bible. She was reading the flipping bible. _Of course, she's reading a bible._

I laughed, choking on some of my blood in the process. "Just because my mom's a whore, doesn't mean I'm not innocent... But I will admit to being a little impure. For killing all your friends." I allowed, smiling wickedly.

"Shut up! Do not speak unless it is to beg for me to stop!" The T&I bitch yelled, clearly offended by my remarks. She has quite the temper.

I twitched as she started making a new design in my thigh, the huge hole she had made earlier the center point of course. "You've got a pretty big chip in your shoulder, doncha?" I asked.

She drove the knife deeper, scowling at me. "What did I say about talking!?"

I shrugged, shoving the pain into the back of my mind. If I concentrated on the pain I'd cry. "That you want me to beg. Trust me, sugar. The only that gets to hear me beg is Tobi and that's not exactly painful."

She paused, glancing up at me with barely contained morbid curiosity. "Tobi? You have a lover then?"

I pressed my lips together, refusing to answer. Fuck. I shouldn't have mentioned Tobi. That just makes it harder to keep my Akatsuki secret.

She raised an eyebrow, smiling maliciously. "You want to keep him a secret then? Do you loooove him?" She asked patronizingly, patting my cheek as if she were comforting me. "Can you picture his pretty blood staining my blades while he begs for mercy? Do you want to protect him?"

"Do you want me to skin you alive?" I hissed, tears coming to my eyes. I knew it was exactly what she wanted, she wanted me to squirm and cry out.

"Ohhhh, lookie! I made her cwy." She cooed, dragging her fingernails down my cheek. "Where do you keep Tobi? Did you lock him up in your suit in hell while you play soldier with daddy?" She tilted her head to the side suddenly, smiling. "Isn't he jealous of what you and daddy do in the dark? I would be. Maybe he doesn't really love you."

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I screeched, shaking my head as if that would stop her from saying such things.

The smirking male angel laughed, looking at the T&I bitch in appreciation, "Looks like you finally found her weak spot, Grace." His voice was lighter than I expected, sounding more like a child's then the full grown male he appeared to be.

I growled, glaring at 'Grace'. "What a creative name for an angel," I sneered, shaking my head in disappointment.

"We can discuss names later, Jessica. Tell me more about this Tobi. Is he one of your filthy demon subjects?" She smiled, moving back to grab another instrument of torture.

"Give me your best." I snapped, smiling back just as confidently, "You're not gonna get any information."

I watched her carefully, wondering what she was going to select next. She'd already grown tired of the normal knives and things, although holy knives were free game. They hurt even worse than a simple cut.

I felt the blood draining from my face as she picked up an innocent looking potato peeler. "Do you know what I'm going to do with this then, cousin?" She asked causally, inspecting the edge of the blade.

"You angels are anything but pure, you sadistic bitch." My voice shook, much to their amusement I would assume.

"Well, we have plenty of time till your daddy gets here." She hummed, looking at me like I was an art project. _Where does she need a little more red then? _

This is going to be a looooong wait... **~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~**

I'm not a very patient person. I'll admit that. I was half-dead when they finally found the hideout though, so I was even less agreeable then usual. As a small army of demons crashed through the door and killed or chased away every angel within a five mile radius, I was still my mean self.

"Well, you took your sweet time, didn't cha?" I asked sweetly, feeling my power rushing back as one of them scratched the symbol on the floor.

The demon sighed, taking in my wounds. "Grace, huh, princess? She always leaves signatures." He asked, snapping the chains in his hands.

Without the chains holding me up, I toppled forward. Luckily, he caught me, frowning deeply as he set me onto the ground. "Relax. I'm going to give you a little more power and try to heal some of... That. Don't reject me."

_That_. What a nice way to put my numerous injuries and lack of any color aside from red and my hair. Grace was making me into an art project.

I can honesty, say I like Deidara and Sasori a lot better. Despite their awkwardness and sarcasm. Plus, I'd imagine becoming their art would be way less painful than this. At least then you're dead and not stuck in a place in between where you want death.

I nodded in understanding, resisting the urge to push out the foreign aura sinking into my body. If I pushed him out he would get backlash and I would be no better than I was two seconds ago.

My felt my wounds slowly sew themselves up, including the still bleeding holes around my mouth. Grace got sick of my bitching and as promised, sewed my lips shut. It hurt like hell, but not as bad as some of her other punishments.

I guess next time Kakuzu tries to sew Hidan's lips I'll have a little more pity though. Maybe even step up and save him... On second thought, probably not. He's a ninja. He should learn to shut the hell up.

I smiled at the thought, my eyes drifting closed.

The demon taking care of me laughed, saying gently, "Don't worry, princess. We got your back. When you wake up you'll be back in hell and sipping champagne."

"I'm more of an ice cream kinda girl..." I snickered, feeling him left me up. I didn't like anyone but Tobi touching me, but I was too tired to really care right that second.

I slipped into a dreamless sleep without a single regret, knowing that the angels were no closer to finding my loved ones then they were last week. They could capture me a million times I wouldn't tell them where Tobi was.

_I will not break. _

"So, let me get straight, the guy I thought was a complete tool for the first four books turns out to be a good guy? I don't think I can accept such a thing." I frowned, taking another lick from my spoon-oh-Nutella.

Justin nodded, "He's a good guy, I assure you. He had a thing for Lily."

I was even more confused, shifting a little so I didn't put as much pressure on my poor left leg. "Lily? As in Harry's mama?" I asked, watching the black haired demon carefully. I wanted to make sure he wasn't punking me.

His big blue eyes were completely serious as he replied, "Yup. The same. He ends up rebelling because she was targeted."

"Huh." I still felt dubious, but I trusted Justin about as far as I can throw him. Considering I'm a demon princess that's pretty far.

"You need some more?" He pointed to my spoon, holding his hand out. I handed it to him without another word, waiting only about three seconds before it was returned with another scoop of Nutella.

"So then what happens to him? I thought he was killed or something?" I continued.

"Well, yeah. But he ends up helping them defeat Voldemort so I think it's okay, right?" He looked about as confused as I was by it, but his confusion was more because he doesn't understand humans outside of the books he reads.

Justin is one of the few planned demons, he was born and raised in hell. Considering most humans in hell are either dead or only here for a very, very short time, it makes sense that he doesn't get much contact with them.

He's also my babysitter, because after getting captured by the angels father decided that I needed a highly skilled fighter, medic, cook... Basically the Sebastian Michaelis of actual demons. It doesn't help that he has messy black hair and the manners of a prince.

Well, in front of his parents at least. He and I have a pact that he's not allowed to act all 'your highness' and shit if I promise not to slip away from his watch. The dude follows me everywhere, going as far as to wait outside the bathroom while I take a shower and whatnot.

I shrugged, wondering if the pierogis were done yet. "I suppose. Being a jerk doesn't really help though..."

Justin laughed, turning back to stir whatever chocolatey creation he was making for dessert.

We lapsed into silence while I finished what I had decided was my last spoonful of Nutella and Justin did whatever he does to make things delicious.

"When's that going to be ready?" I asked curiously, leaning over his shoulder to look over. He glared halfheartedly, pushing me back gently.

"Stop it. Go... Dammit. You can't leave my sight so I can't tell you to get lost, can I?"

"Can I go grab us both a soul and call it a day?" I smiled hopefully, knowing that he was probably going to shoot me down.

They were much too over protective, not nearly as much as I am with the Akatsuki. They have three hell hounds that they know nothing of circling the house constantly and a ward keeping any demon or angel looking at the house from seeing anything. It looked like a barren field, and burned when they got to close.

Not that I have informants watching their every move outside the house or anything.

PSHHH. No!

Justin raised an eyebrow, waving his hand in front of my face. "You can quickly to grab a soul for yourself. Don't take to long and if I get in trouble for this, you ran away."

I nodded, smiling. "Of course." I darted off to grab myself a soul, humming the whole way.

The first was a strange mixture between minty and salt. Loneliness and depression respectively. I shuddered, grabbing a pretty gold colored one before rushing back to the main kitchen.

Justin waited for me with a plate of pierogis and a glass of chocolate milk. I held up the golden soul, tilting my head to the side. "You want it? _Priiiiide_. I know what you like."

He rolled his eyes, but accepted it. I grinned, munching on a pierogi and settling back down into my bar stool. Justin sat down next to me, occasionally reaching over to pluck one from my plate.

We are in comfortable silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I was preoccupied by wondering what Tobi was doing right now, and the blush on Justin's face told me he was either thinking about a spicy anime fic he read earlier or his girlfriend, Layla.

We have a mutual love of anime, by the way. That's why I requested Justin instead of some random fighter father choose for my bodyguard.

"Time for bed?" I asked after pushing the last piece around on my plate a while. Justin blinked, looking at me in confusion. "Bed time." I repeated, popping the last piece onto my mouth.

He nodded, smiling pleasantly. "Of course."

I sighed, walking ahead of him. Justin followed me dutifully, his footsteps almost quiet enough that I couldn't hear him.

I hated going to sleep, because Tobi isn't with me anymore and Justin sleeps on my floor. I don't want to imagine what he hears me talk about in my sleep. Really, I would rather sleep with no one, but it was either this or sleeping on the couch in father's room. Gross.

I shivered at the thought, throwing my door open. I left it open for Justin as I peeled off my three layers of clothing. I left my tank top and panties on of course. No body gets to see that but Tobi. Or Deidara when we jacuzzi, but that's because I wear a bikini. I know what you were thinking. _Naughty_.

"I'm using your shower, princess." Justin announced.

I gave him a thumbs up over my shoulder, stepping in front of the mirror to look over my new scars. There were swirls covering every inch of my abdomen, chest, and left thigh, proof that Grace was the one to 'decorate me'.

She... Was a rather famous angel for all her little designs that she left on her victims. We had managed to kill her only two days after she escaped her little torture den. The only one I had been with that survived is the boy that acted half asleep most of the time.

I sighed, realizing once again that these scars would not fade. She used a blessed knife. Everything would remain just the way it is right now, faded, ugly swirls that did nothing but remind me of a time I didn't ever want to revisit.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I traced them, wondering if Tobi would even want me back after the war. I just... I wanted to keep them safe. And I wanted to keep them alive.

If Grace had gotten ahold of them, there's no doubt that they wouldn't have survived.

I collapsed, bawling for reasons I can't even name. "T... Tobi!" I whined, wishing more than anything to see him again.

I didn't even need to talk to him or anything like that, I just wanted to see him, to assure myself he's okay. I wanted to make sure I won't lose him. I can't lose him. Ever.

That's how Justin found me, in a panicky, tear filled mess on the floor and whimpering my lovers name.

He just sighed, throwing his towel on top of the mirror and plucking my blanket off the bed. I felt the warmth when he scooped me into his arms, but refused to believe it was anyone but my Tobi.

I just wanted to make sure he was safe. Is that really too much to ask?

"Shhh, princess." Justin whispered, running his fingers through my hair. "It's gonna be okay. You'll see Tobi again, I promise. As soon as its all safe for humans." He comforted, sitting down on the bed with me in his lap.

Shaking my head, I managed to respond, "B-but what if he doesn't want me!? I'm broken and I l-left him and he-"

"Shush. The Tobi you love so much would never do such a thing. He'll love you even more, broken bits and all." Justin smiled at me, tilting my head up do I was forced to look at him.

"Even when I'm all scar-y?" I stuttered, glancing down at the scars again. There was nothing pretty or beautiful about them, opposed to want Grace would tell me while making them.

He nodded, brushing the hair back out of my eyes, "I promise. The scars are just how strong you were, remember? They asked you about Tobi, didn't they... And what did you tell them, princess?"

"I told 'em to fuck off. Only more poetic." I smirked, wiping my tears.

Justin laughed, suddenly yanking me to his chest and hugging me tightly. "That's right. You didn't give any information even though they tried so hard to break you. Tobi will definitely understand and love you."

"Tobi loves Izaya-chan." I repeated, smiling brightly. Tobi loves me.

"Yep. Now, time for bed, okay princess?" Justin stood up, gently placing me back on the bed and re wrapping the blankets around me. "Tomorrow you've got some work to do, remember? You gotta get rest."

I nodded, burying my face in my pillow. "Okay."

Tomorrow I have stuff to do and people to avenge, but right now... It's okay if I dream of Tobi. Becuase he loves me, right?


End file.
